her life back when I knew her. She lost a tremendous amount of weight, and her face was sunken-in. She no longer kept up her appearance and just let herself go. Maybe I could get to know the mother that Cammie and Deja were used to having in their lives. When I finally walked into the house, everyone was in the kitchen, helping Grannie put the finishing touches on dinner and setting the table.
“Well, there she is,” said Grannie. “You hungry, baby? Because dinner is almost done. I’m just warming up the food and making some corn bread.”
“Girl, I don’t know where you put all that food you be eating,” said Deja, “but wherever it goes, you look awesome, baby sis. As you can see, I’m getting bigger.” My mother chimed in, “Yes, Dawnie, you look amazing.” I couldn’t remember the last time I heard someone call me that. It put a smile on my face to know she remembered that name.
“Come on, let’s all gather around the table and give thanks before we sit down and eat.” My grannie blessed the food, and we all sat down to eat. We sat down, talking and laughing about old times, which kind of made my mom feel left out somewhat. “I can’t believe I missed out on so much of my babies’ lives,” she finally spoke.
“Well, Julia, don’t you worry; you’re here now and can make new memories with them,” said Grannie.
The kitchen was cleaned, the dishes were put away, and plates were prepared to take home. It wasn’t too long before Cammie and Deja were packing up their stuff to leave. I started getting antsy because that meant that it would be just me, Grannie, and mother left. Deja waddled by and whispered in my ear to lighten up, that it was going to get better. I hugged her and rubbed her stomach. We kissed one another as she headed towards the front door. I went to use the bathroom while everybody else walked out front to say their goodbyes. When I came back down, my mother was sitting on the couch. Here goes nothing, I thought to myself.
“So, you wanted to talk?” I asked.
“Yes! Would you please join me on the couch?” I walked over and sat down as she moved in some. “First, let me apologize for not being there for you, for placing you in so many uncompromising positions. I truly was sick, baby, for letting anybody—including myself—bring harm to you. I cried every day and every night, knowing how much of a horrible mother I had been to you, but, I want you to know that I was the one who called the police that evening when they locked up Carter. I wasn’t expecting your sisters to come home when they did, but I was thankful. I had set Carter up after seeing what he did to you before. I saw the look of fear on your face, and I felt helpless. I wasn’t ready for one of us to die that day. I was scared to move, and I didn’t know what else I could have done.”
“You could have done more than what you done that day,” I said.
“But that’s why I had him come back. I knew I had to put an end to this before it got out of hand. So, I called him first, then I called the cops. I told them that my baby girl was being violated by one of the neighborhood drug dealers. I just prayed he didn’t make it too far with you before they arrived. I was glad when they locked his ass up.” I looked at her, not sure how to feel because had it not been for her addiction, I wouldn’t had been placed in that predicament in the first place.
“Dawnie, can you please forgive me? I would really like to start over and be in your life.”
“You know, you left me to fend for myself. You just left me in the house at times with no food or money. You were gone for hours, and Cammie and Deja were out and about. I felt as if you hated me for being born. You took your attitude and your anger out on me. All I ever wanted was your love, but you stayed high or drunk and had people coming in and out of house at all times of the night.” I thought I had cried all I could earlier, but here I was, bawling like
“Well, there she is,” said Grannie. “You hungry, baby? Because dinner is almost done. I’m just warming up the food and making some corn bread.”
“Girl, I don’t know where you put all that food you be eating,” said Deja, “but wherever it goes, you look awesome, baby sis. As you can see, I’m getting bigger.” My mother chimed in, “Yes, Dawnie, you look amazing.” I couldn’t remember the last time I heard someone call me that. It put a smile on my face to know she remembered that name.
“Come on, let’s all gather around the table and give thanks before we sit down and eat.” My grannie blessed the food, and we all sat down to eat. We sat down, talking and laughing about old times, which kind of made my mom feel left out somewhat. “I can’t believe I missed out on so much of my babies’ lives,” she finally spoke.
“Well, Julia, don’t you worry; you’re here now and can make new memories with them,” said Grannie.
The kitchen was cleaned, the dishes were put away, and plates were prepared to take home. It wasn’t too long before Cammie and Deja were packing up their stuff to leave. I started getting antsy because that meant that it would be just me, Grannie, and mother left. Deja waddled by and whispered in my ear to lighten up, that it was going to get better. I hugged her and rubbed her stomach. We kissed one another as she headed towards the front door. I went to use the bathroom while everybody else walked out front to say their goodbyes. When I came back down, my mother was sitting on the couch. Here goes nothing, I thought to myself.
“So, you wanted to talk?” I asked.
“Yes! Would you please join me on the couch?” I walked over and sat down as she moved in some. “First, let me apologize for not being there for you, for placing you in so many uncompromising positions. I truly was sick, baby, for letting anybody—including myself—bring harm to you. I cried every day and every night, knowing how much of a horrible mother I had been to you, but, I want you to know that I was the one who called the police that evening when they locked up Carter. I wasn’t expecting your sisters to come home when they did, but I was thankful. I had set Carter up after seeing what he did to you before. I saw the look of fear on your face, and I felt helpless. I wasn’t ready for one of us to die that day. I was scared to move, and I didn’t know what else I could have done.”
“You could have done more than what you done that day,” I said.
“But that’s why I had him come back. I knew I had to put an end to this before it got out of hand. So, I called him first, then I called the cops. I told them that my baby girl was being violated by one of the neighborhood drug dealers. I just prayed he didn’t make it too far with you before they arrived. I was glad when they locked his ass up.” I looked at her, not sure how to feel because had it not been for her addiction, I wouldn’t had been placed in that predicament in the first place.
“Dawnie, can you please forgive me? I would really like to start over and be in your life.”
“You know, you left me to fend for myself. You just left me in the house at times with no food or money. You were gone for hours, and Cammie and Deja were out and about. I felt as if you hated me for being born. You took your attitude and your anger out on me. All I ever wanted was your love, but you stayed high or drunk and had people coming in and out of house at all times of the night.” I thought I had cried all I could earlier, but here I was, bawling like
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