my mind. I push it away and it comes right back."
"Have you been in touch with your sponsor?"
"I don't exactly have one. They gave me an interim sponsor when I first got sober, and I called him fairly regularly at first but we more or less drifted apart. He's hard to get on the phone, anyway. I should find a regular sponsor, but for some reason I never got around to it."
"One of these days--"
"I know. Do you have a sponsor?"
I nodded. "We got together just last night. We generally have dinner Sunday, go over the week together."
"Does he give you advice?"
"Sometimes," I said. "And then I go ahead and do what I want."
WHEN I got back to my hotel room, the first call I made was to Jim Faber. "I was just talking about you," I told him. "A fellow asked if my sponsor gives advice, and I told him how I always do exactly what you suggest."
"You're lucky God didn't strike you dead on the spot."
"I know. But I've decided not to go to Ireland."
"Oh? You seemed determined last night. Did it look different to you after a night's sleep?"
"No," I admitted. "It looked about the same, and this morning I went to a travel agent and managed to get a cheap seat on a flight leaving Friday evening."
"Oh?"
"And then this afternoon somebody offered me a job and I said yes. You want to go to Ireland for three weeks? I don't think I can get my money back for the ticket."
"Are you sure? It's a shame to lose the money."
"Well, they told me it was nonrefundable, and I already paid for it.
It's all right, I'm making enough on the job so that I can write off a couple hundred. But I did want to let you know that I wasn't on my way to the land of Sodom and Begorrah."
"It sounded like you were setting yourself up," he said. "That's why I was concerned. You've managed to hang out with your friend in his saloon and still stay sober--"
"He does the drinking for both of us."
"Well, one way or another it seems to work. But on the other side of the ocean with your usual support system thousands of miles away, and with you restless to begin with--"
"I know. But you can rest easy now."
"Even if I can't take the credit."
"Oh, I don't know," I said. "Maybe it's your doing. God works in mysterious ways, His wonders to
perform."
"Yeah," he said. "Doesn't He just."
ELAINE thought it was too bad I wouldn't be going to Ireland after all. "I don't suppose there was any possibility of postponing the job," she said.
"No."
"Or that you'll be done by Friday."
"I'll barely be started by Friday."
"It's too bad, but you don't sound disappointed."
"I guess I'm not. At least I didn't call Mick, so that saves having to call again and tell him I changed my mind. To tell you the truth, I'm glad I've got the work."
"Something to sink your teeth into."
"That's right. That's what I really need, more than I need a vacation."
"And it's a good case?"
I hadn't told her anything about it. I thought for a moment and said,
"It's a terrible case."
"Oh?"
"Jesus, the things people do to each other. You'd think I'd get used to it, but I never do."
"You want to talk about it?"
"When I see you. Are we on for tomorrow night?"
"Unless your work gets in the way."
"I don't see why it should. I'll come by for you around seven. If I'm going to be later than that I'll call."
I HAD a hot bath and a good night's sleep, and in the morning I went to the bank and added seventy $100 bills to the stash in my safe-deposit box. I deposited two thousand dollars to my checking account and kept the remaining thousand in my hip pocket.
There was a time when I would have rushed to give it away. I used to spend a lot of idle hours in empty churches, and I tithed religiously, so to speak, stuffing a precise ten percent of the cash I received into the next poor box I passed. This quaint custom had faded away in sobriety. I don't know why I stopped doing it, but then I couldn't tell you why I ever started doing it in the first place.
I could have stuffed my Aer Lingus ticket in the
"Have you been in touch with your sponsor?"
"I don't exactly have one. They gave me an interim sponsor when I first got sober, and I called him fairly regularly at first but we more or less drifted apart. He's hard to get on the phone, anyway. I should find a regular sponsor, but for some reason I never got around to it."
"One of these days--"
"I know. Do you have a sponsor?"
I nodded. "We got together just last night. We generally have dinner Sunday, go over the week together."
"Does he give you advice?"
"Sometimes," I said. "And then I go ahead and do what I want."
WHEN I got back to my hotel room, the first call I made was to Jim Faber. "I was just talking about you," I told him. "A fellow asked if my sponsor gives advice, and I told him how I always do exactly what you suggest."
"You're lucky God didn't strike you dead on the spot."
"I know. But I've decided not to go to Ireland."
"Oh? You seemed determined last night. Did it look different to you after a night's sleep?"
"No," I admitted. "It looked about the same, and this morning I went to a travel agent and managed to get a cheap seat on a flight leaving Friday evening."
"Oh?"
"And then this afternoon somebody offered me a job and I said yes. You want to go to Ireland for three weeks? I don't think I can get my money back for the ticket."
"Are you sure? It's a shame to lose the money."
"Well, they told me it was nonrefundable, and I already paid for it.
It's all right, I'm making enough on the job so that I can write off a couple hundred. But I did want to let you know that I wasn't on my way to the land of Sodom and Begorrah."
"It sounded like you were setting yourself up," he said. "That's why I was concerned. You've managed to hang out with your friend in his saloon and still stay sober--"
"He does the drinking for both of us."
"Well, one way or another it seems to work. But on the other side of the ocean with your usual support system thousands of miles away, and with you restless to begin with--"
"I know. But you can rest easy now."
"Even if I can't take the credit."
"Oh, I don't know," I said. "Maybe it's your doing. God works in mysterious ways, His wonders to
perform."
"Yeah," he said. "Doesn't He just."
ELAINE thought it was too bad I wouldn't be going to Ireland after all. "I don't suppose there was any possibility of postponing the job," she said.
"No."
"Or that you'll be done by Friday."
"I'll barely be started by Friday."
"It's too bad, but you don't sound disappointed."
"I guess I'm not. At least I didn't call Mick, so that saves having to call again and tell him I changed my mind. To tell you the truth, I'm glad I've got the work."
"Something to sink your teeth into."
"That's right. That's what I really need, more than I need a vacation."
"And it's a good case?"
I hadn't told her anything about it. I thought for a moment and said,
"It's a terrible case."
"Oh?"
"Jesus, the things people do to each other. You'd think I'd get used to it, but I never do."
"You want to talk about it?"
"When I see you. Are we on for tomorrow night?"
"Unless your work gets in the way."
"I don't see why it should. I'll come by for you around seven. If I'm going to be later than that I'll call."
I HAD a hot bath and a good night's sleep, and in the morning I went to the bank and added seventy $100 bills to the stash in my safe-deposit box. I deposited two thousand dollars to my checking account and kept the remaining thousand in my hip pocket.
There was a time when I would have rushed to give it away. I used to spend a lot of idle hours in empty churches, and I tithed religiously, so to speak, stuffing a precise ten percent of the cash I received into the next poor box I passed. This quaint custom had faded away in sobriety. I don't know why I stopped doing it, but then I couldn't tell you why I ever started doing it in the first place.
I could have stuffed my Aer Lingus ticket in the
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