like forever. “How long have you
known?”
“ A
few days. I found out just before I left New York.”
“ And
how long...I mean, how far along are you?” Emilia asked again
and Amanda shrugged.
“ I’m
not very sure. I mean I am late and everything but it’s not
like I ever went to the hospital or anything. I just took a few of
those home pregnancy tests and...yeah.”
“ You
must be stoked,” Emilia said excitedly but Amanda shook her
head.
“ I
won’t lie to you. I’m not so sure what I am feeling. I
mean, on the one hand I feel really excited to be carrying a life
inside me... I mean, I have always wanted to be a mother and
everything but this is not how I planned on doing it. I mean, I
always pictured that Brett would be there with me every step of the
way but now I'm doing it all alone.”
“ Come
on, Mandy, lots of women do the whole single parenthood thing and
they do pretty damn well too,” Emilia said and Amanda shook her
head.
“ You
are not getting it. I am not questioning whether I can do it, it is
whether I want to do it. That’s the big question here. I mean,
this is Brett’s child. The man who I thought I would spend the
rest of my life with.” She paused and clenched her fist so
tightly that her knuckles were white. “The man who cheated on
me.” She shook her head and bit her lower lip again. “I
seriously don’t know what I am supposed to do about this.”
“ You
said you have only known about this for a few days, right?”
Emilia asked and Amanda nodded. “You just need time to get used
to the idea. I know for a fact that most people don’t just
embrace motherhood as soon as it happens. It takes a while.”
“ Yeah,
so I’ve heard but at the same time, this is not just any baby,”
Amanda said in a soft voice. “This will be a living reminder of
all the shit Brett put me through. All those days I waited up for him
because he was working late and nights I spent alone because he was
out of town, working...” she shook her head. “This
baby...what if he or she is the spitting image of his father? What do
I do then?”
Emilia took Amanda’s
hand in hers and sighed.
“ When
I found out I was carrying Hope, I had the same problem. I kept on
wondering if I wanted a child that reminded me of years of abuse and
I even considered an abortion but by the time I got to the clinic,
all I could imagine was ‘what if that was my one chance’?”
Emilia smiled. “As I sat there, I stopped thinking of what had
been and began thinking of what could be and just like that I changed
my mind and you know that Hope means the world to me.”
Amanda
smiled. Hope was a darling. With her piercing blue green eyes and
brown hair that made her look almost the same as her father, Emilia’s
ex Harris. And just then, something hit her. What happened between
her and Brett might have been the worst thing that could have
happened but she was almost too sure that her mind would change when
she saw her baby. That was just it. It was not Brett’s baby.
They were no longer together. It would not be their baby. It would be
her baby. The one person who would always love her unconditionally.
She placed a hand on her tummy and without even realizing it, she was
smiling.
“ I
think someone’s changing her mind,” Emilia said.
“ I
guess. But I am still not sure about this though.”
“ I
know. It takes a while to get used to the idea.”
Amanda took a long
deep breath and shook her head.
“ I
don’t know what to do. I think it is still early and....”
her voice trailed off and Emilia gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
“ Give
yourself some time, okay? It doesn’t happen magically. I mean I
thought I was going to give up Hope for adoption...like, that was the
plan from the get go but when I saw her, all I could think was...I
made this. She is mine.”
Amanda nodded and
sighed again.
“ You
know, that’s not all. I don’t know whether I should tell
Rafael about it,” she said and Emilia
Sebastian Faulks
Shaun Whittington
Lydia Dare
Kristin Leigh
Fern Michaels
Cindy Jacks
Tawny Weber
Marta Szemik
James P. Hogan
Deborah Halber