it. The bands that I
listened to put their hearts into their music. When they sang about
heartbreak, I felt it in my chest. When they sang about betrayal, I
felt it in my bones.
I was able to match a song with
whatever I was feeling. I always had earphones on. When I didn’t,
I’d be singing to myself or drumming my fingers on the nearest
objects.
I always had an interest in
music. Even at a young age, my parents could see it. They put me in
lessons, and I excelled. One positive thing they had done for me before they died.
When Nate and I went to
live with my Grams, she saw that music was the only time I focused.
I had a lot of anger issues, even before my parents died, but once
they were gone, I began taking it out on everyone. Eventually, I started directing that energy toward music, but
it took a lot of help from Grams to get there.
I met the guys of Spades in middle
school. Liam and Walt had been friends since early childhood.
Paulie was in a few of my classes, and we became friends quickly.
Each of us already played instruments, so that was how we ended up
forming Spades. I didn’t want to be the singer at first. I liked
writing songs, but I wasn’t comfortable being the front man—I
wanted to be the lead guitar. I was supposed to just fill in until
we found someone else, but that never happened, so I remained the
lead singer.
We sucked at first.
Like, really sucked. Eventually, with a hell of a lot of practice, we got
better. In high school, we won multiple battle of the band
competitions, which just encouraged us to practice more.
Grams was extremely
supportive of our venture. So supportive, in fact, that she let us
rehearse in the garage. All of the guys seemed to love coming over;
they’d always leave with a new dirty joke and a home-cooked meal
filling their bellies. Next to them, I grew up rich, as they all
came from middle to lower class families.
Especially Paulie.
Out of all of the guys
in the group, Paulie and I were the closest. Even if we didn’t
have practice, he’d come over because he wanted to “hang out”. I’m
not saying he didn’t, but I know there was more
reasoning behind it than just that. Often, he would show up at school with a fat lip or a black eye. He always had an excuse
for it, and he never so much as hinted at his home
life.
Once we all got in high
school, we discovered unchaperoned parties. Along with those
came alcohol and eventually drugs. My “straight edge” mentality
went out the door at that point. We began with just drinking and
smoking weed at only the parties , but that soon escalated to a habit. Paulie and I
would get high almost every day before school behind the bleachers
on the football field. Cliché, I
know.
When we weren’t in school
or partying, we were elbow deep in our music. Each of us
became obsessed with it. We had a band notebook that we’d pass
around to each other to work out our music ideas during school. We
were so preoccupied that it was a miracle any of us
passed.
The summer after graduation, I met
Bree. She became a great friend to all of us, and she was an honest
critic. She was gorgeous. We all noticed, though each time one of
us made a perverted remark, she’d have an equally snarky
comeback.
I swore to myself that I
would never be the kind of guy to get comfortable in a
relationship. I wasn’t the type to be tied down. In reality, I didn’t want a relationship, period. I was going to sleep
with whomever I wanted and not feel guilty, and that was that. I
was on the cusp of my music career exploding, and I didn’t need to
worry about who I was leaving behind. I wanted to move forward and
not look back.
That was why it surprised me when Bree
and I started what some might consider dating. It started off at
just meeting places as “friends” but that soon changed when sex was
added to the mix.
Bree was a great friend, but she was an even better lay. And as much as I tried to
fight it, Bree’s constant advances eventually
listened to put their hearts into their music. When they sang about
heartbreak, I felt it in my chest. When they sang about betrayal, I
felt it in my bones.
I was able to match a song with
whatever I was feeling. I always had earphones on. When I didn’t,
I’d be singing to myself or drumming my fingers on the nearest
objects.
I always had an interest in
music. Even at a young age, my parents could see it. They put me in
lessons, and I excelled. One positive thing they had done for me before they died.
When Nate and I went to
live with my Grams, she saw that music was the only time I focused.
I had a lot of anger issues, even before my parents died, but once
they were gone, I began taking it out on everyone. Eventually, I started directing that energy toward music, but
it took a lot of help from Grams to get there.
I met the guys of Spades in middle
school. Liam and Walt had been friends since early childhood.
Paulie was in a few of my classes, and we became friends quickly.
Each of us already played instruments, so that was how we ended up
forming Spades. I didn’t want to be the singer at first. I liked
writing songs, but I wasn’t comfortable being the front man—I
wanted to be the lead guitar. I was supposed to just fill in until
we found someone else, but that never happened, so I remained the
lead singer.
We sucked at first.
Like, really sucked. Eventually, with a hell of a lot of practice, we got
better. In high school, we won multiple battle of the band
competitions, which just encouraged us to practice more.
Grams was extremely
supportive of our venture. So supportive, in fact, that she let us
rehearse in the garage. All of the guys seemed to love coming over;
they’d always leave with a new dirty joke and a home-cooked meal
filling their bellies. Next to them, I grew up rich, as they all
came from middle to lower class families.
Especially Paulie.
Out of all of the guys
in the group, Paulie and I were the closest. Even if we didn’t
have practice, he’d come over because he wanted to “hang out”. I’m
not saying he didn’t, but I know there was more
reasoning behind it than just that. Often, he would show up at school with a fat lip or a black eye. He always had an excuse
for it, and he never so much as hinted at his home
life.
Once we all got in high
school, we discovered unchaperoned parties. Along with those
came alcohol and eventually drugs. My “straight edge” mentality
went out the door at that point. We began with just drinking and
smoking weed at only the parties , but that soon escalated to a habit. Paulie and I
would get high almost every day before school behind the bleachers
on the football field. Cliché, I
know.
When we weren’t in school
or partying, we were elbow deep in our music. Each of us
became obsessed with it. We had a band notebook that we’d pass
around to each other to work out our music ideas during school. We
were so preoccupied that it was a miracle any of us
passed.
The summer after graduation, I met
Bree. She became a great friend to all of us, and she was an honest
critic. She was gorgeous. We all noticed, though each time one of
us made a perverted remark, she’d have an equally snarky
comeback.
I swore to myself that I
would never be the kind of guy to get comfortable in a
relationship. I wasn’t the type to be tied down. In reality, I didn’t want a relationship, period. I was going to sleep
with whomever I wanted and not feel guilty, and that was that. I
was on the cusp of my music career exploding, and I didn’t need to
worry about who I was leaving behind. I wanted to move forward and
not look back.
That was why it surprised me when Bree
and I started what some might consider dating. It started off at
just meeting places as “friends” but that soon changed when sex was
added to the mix.
Bree was a great friend, but she was an even better lay. And as much as I tried to
fight it, Bree’s constant advances eventually
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