first appearance as Ariel, a cartoon by Captain Sparkler, a note from Mr Kemble, a pressed flower once worn by the great actress Mrs Siddons. My entire life fitted into that bag â and still it was far from full.
Saturday 4th June came round all too quickly and I had yet to sort out new lodgings. Lack of funds was some excuse. When I counted the contents of my purse, they were alarmingly light. But I knew what I was doing: part of me was still pretending the day would never come when Iâd have to leave. I was like King Canute, stubbornly sitting on histhrone as the waters rose to his neck. The crisis was upon me and yet I still waited.
Pedro couldnât fail to notice that something was seriously wrong. He had commiserated with me when he had learned of my fate, but he had more confidence in me that I did. He thought I would soon be on my feet again.
âWhy donât you write a short story, Cat? Something thatâll sell,â he suggested as we watched the audience assembling for the last night. There was a carnival atmosphere in the room. I noticed several people breaking off bits of the decorative rail as souvenirs.
âOh, you mean some silly love story where a poor girl wins a rich man with just her wit and vivacity? Ple-ease!â
Pedro shrugged. âWhy not? It could be good if told well.â
âAh, but to sell to a bookseller itâd have to go on about female duty and polite manners â Iâd feel sick writing such stuff.â
âCan you afford to be so squeamish?â he asked wisely.
âWould you play any old tune on your fiddle for the drunks who chucked you a penny, Pedro, or would you prefer to play Handel and Mozart?â
âYou know the answer to that, Cat. But itâs not about what I prefer â Iâd play âBlack-eyed Susanâ all night for any bunch of sailors if it made the difference between a bed under a roof and under the stars. You have to find somewhere to go and youâll need money to pay for it.â
He was right, of course, but that only made me feel angry with him. What did he have to worry about? Heâd be off to Italy Monday morning, travelling through France. He would see Johnny and Lizzie in Paris in a couple of days.
âIâll be fine, Pedro,â I lied, wondering why I was telling everyone this when it so patently untrue. âIâve got some money to tide me over. Iâll manage.â
âHmm,â said Pedro sceptically. He dug into his pocket. âLook, I donât have much but ââ
âNo!â I pushed his hand away, taken aback by the strength of my feelings on this. âI donât want anything from anyone â not unless I earn it. I donât want anyoneâs charity.â
âBut youâre my friend, Cat.â
âExactly, so Iâm not taking from you. I know you need it yourself. Do you think Iâm so pathetic that I canât find myself a place to go?â
Put like that, he had to say that of course I was quite capable but I could see he was suspicious that I was hiding something from him.
âLook, Iâve got to go now,â said Pedro. The orchestra was taking their seats and it would not do for him to miss the final chance to perform in the old Drury Lane. âIâll be busy afterwards as Signor Angelini is giving us all a farewell supper and then we have to pack, but promise me youâll come and tell me your new address? I have to see you before I go to Italy. I really, really donât want to leave you.â He squeezed my hand urgently as I was pretending to inspect the audience.
âOf course Iâll come to say goodbye. I wouldnât miss seeing you off for the world,â I said gaily. âItâs a new adventure for all of us, isnât it?â
âHmm.â My false tone had not fooled him. âCome and see me, Cat, understood? Or Iâll send the Butcherâs Boys to find
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