lined forehead. His bad hip must be bothering him again, Alex thought. Glancing down at his hands, she wondered if he hadn’t developed some arthritis in the thick, gnarled fingers.
Paul smoothed down the navy blue tie on his uniform. “Sergeant McCarthy called me. Said you put Fullerton on leave pending an IA.”
She nodded, and briefly described the complaints and the encounter in her office, watching his frown deepen with every word.
“You think I shouldn’t have put him on admin leave?” she finished, reacting to his expression.
“Well, hell, Alex, of course you should. Aside from the pretty serious citizen complaints, he can’t talk to a superior that way, much less take a swing at one. I know you haven’t been happy with him for a while.”
She sat back in her chair. His bald head didn’t prevent her from noticing how much gray was in his mustache. Paul was her father’s friend, her own godfather, her mentor during her career. She loved and respected him, but she sometimes wondered if the respect ran both ways. She knew he’d never fully approved of her relationship with CJ.
“It’s true I’ve never been satisfied with Fullerton’s work,” Alex answered. “Apart from everything else, he’s just not a very good cop. He blames other people for his own mistakes and he’s a complainer.”
“Well, he’s gone too far this time,” Paul said firmly. “When the investigation is completed, you should be rid of him for good.”
“I hope you’re right.” She watched him rub a hand over his gleaming black skull, shaved completely clean, and added, “What else is on your mind, Chief?”
Her use of his title caused him to flinch a little and then she realized whatever it was he wanted was personal.
“Alex,” he said. “I got a call from Chief Wylie. He wants to recruit for the vacancy.”
She knew what he meant, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it. “I’m not sure how that concerns me, Paul.”
He frowned again and said, “We kept the Internal Affairs position open as long as we possibly could.”
“I didn’t ask you to do that. She resigned, that’s what her letter said, didn’t it?”
“Yes, but no one resigns and leaves the same day unless…unless there are other circumstances.”
And that was the truth of it, she thought. The real reason she was going to therapy, the real reason that everyone was looking at her with pity, the real reason she couldn’t sleep at night. Because there were other circumstances. She just had no idea what they were.
What did I do wrong? she asked herself, as she had every day since CJ left. What did I do that was so terrible that she had to leave me, leave her job and home and friends to get away from me?
“This has nothing to do with me,” Alex said bitterly. “The chief wants to hire a new Internal Affairs Inspector. Fine. Clearly his former one isn’t coming back.”
Paul gave her a look she could hardly bear. “I’m sorry, Alex,” he rumbled. “I know you’re upset.”
Upset? That was hardly the word.
He added, “I feel responsible. I should have talked you out of this at the time, I just thought—”
Her anger flared again. “Thought what, Paul? That you could talk me out of loving a woman? That you could convince me it was a passing phase? You know better.”
He looked angry, too. “I thought you would know how transient those relationships could be. I was afraid you’d get hurt.”
She wanted to explode. “Transient? What the hell are you saying, Paul? That two women couldn’t form a ‘real’ relationship? Jesus, I was with CJ for three years, longer than I was married to Tony, and believe me, I was a hell of a lot happier. I loved her, Paul. I wasn’t with her so I could get laid, for Christ’s sake!”
He winced at her words. “Alex, you know I’m not saying that. I’m just saying—”
“You know what? At this moment, I don’t really care what you’re trying to say, Chief . Just save it.”
They sat a
Paul smoothed down the navy blue tie on his uniform. “Sergeant McCarthy called me. Said you put Fullerton on leave pending an IA.”
She nodded, and briefly described the complaints and the encounter in her office, watching his frown deepen with every word.
“You think I shouldn’t have put him on admin leave?” she finished, reacting to his expression.
“Well, hell, Alex, of course you should. Aside from the pretty serious citizen complaints, he can’t talk to a superior that way, much less take a swing at one. I know you haven’t been happy with him for a while.”
She sat back in her chair. His bald head didn’t prevent her from noticing how much gray was in his mustache. Paul was her father’s friend, her own godfather, her mentor during her career. She loved and respected him, but she sometimes wondered if the respect ran both ways. She knew he’d never fully approved of her relationship with CJ.
“It’s true I’ve never been satisfied with Fullerton’s work,” Alex answered. “Apart from everything else, he’s just not a very good cop. He blames other people for his own mistakes and he’s a complainer.”
“Well, he’s gone too far this time,” Paul said firmly. “When the investigation is completed, you should be rid of him for good.”
“I hope you’re right.” She watched him rub a hand over his gleaming black skull, shaved completely clean, and added, “What else is on your mind, Chief?”
Her use of his title caused him to flinch a little and then she realized whatever it was he wanted was personal.
“Alex,” he said. “I got a call from Chief Wylie. He wants to recruit for the vacancy.”
She knew what he meant, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it. “I’m not sure how that concerns me, Paul.”
He frowned again and said, “We kept the Internal Affairs position open as long as we possibly could.”
“I didn’t ask you to do that. She resigned, that’s what her letter said, didn’t it?”
“Yes, but no one resigns and leaves the same day unless…unless there are other circumstances.”
And that was the truth of it, she thought. The real reason she was going to therapy, the real reason that everyone was looking at her with pity, the real reason she couldn’t sleep at night. Because there were other circumstances. She just had no idea what they were.
What did I do wrong? she asked herself, as she had every day since CJ left. What did I do that was so terrible that she had to leave me, leave her job and home and friends to get away from me?
“This has nothing to do with me,” Alex said bitterly. “The chief wants to hire a new Internal Affairs Inspector. Fine. Clearly his former one isn’t coming back.”
Paul gave her a look she could hardly bear. “I’m sorry, Alex,” he rumbled. “I know you’re upset.”
Upset? That was hardly the word.
He added, “I feel responsible. I should have talked you out of this at the time, I just thought—”
Her anger flared again. “Thought what, Paul? That you could talk me out of loving a woman? That you could convince me it was a passing phase? You know better.”
He looked angry, too. “I thought you would know how transient those relationships could be. I was afraid you’d get hurt.”
She wanted to explode. “Transient? What the hell are you saying, Paul? That two women couldn’t form a ‘real’ relationship? Jesus, I was with CJ for three years, longer than I was married to Tony, and believe me, I was a hell of a lot happier. I loved her, Paul. I wasn’t with her so I could get laid, for Christ’s sake!”
He winced at her words. “Alex, you know I’m not saying that. I’m just saying—”
“You know what? At this moment, I don’t really care what you’re trying to say, Chief . Just save it.”
They sat a
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