grateful. “Thanks, Captain. Thanks a lot.”
It took her a couple of minutes to gather the strength to even dial his number. Everything seemed difficult for her lately. In the beginning, after CJ had left, she had spent weeks doing everything to find her. When every effort proved futile, her failure took her energy with it. Now even getting through the day was almost too difficult to manage.
As she waited for her ex to pick up his line, Alex could only think that the conversation she was about to have would never have happened if CJ had still been on the job. CJ would have known the answer and probably would have taken some pleasure in calling Tony to tell him how wrong he was. Tony had never liked CJ and hated that Alex was married to her. CJ had tried to treat him with equanimity, but eventually had surrendered to her deep resentment of his interference in Alex’s life.
“Alex.” Tony’s deep baritone sounded warm. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
God, she hated that he always sounded as if he were still interested in her. “Not pleasure, Tony, business. I’m calling about Detective Kinsey.”
“Kinsey. Kinsey. Which case is that?”
Alex sighed. It took her three minutes to remind him about the topic and another ten to explain why his office did not need the IA file. Finally he said, “Look, I get it. You don’t want your guy to look bad. But I don’t need an accusation from the defendant’s lawyer that we didn’t disclose the evidence, so humor me on this.”
“You want me to send you the IA file and hang my detective out to dry because you’re afraid to look bad to the public defender’s office?” Alex snapped at him. “When did you stop acting like a DA and start acting like a politician?”
“The District Attorney is an elected official,” he said, his tone defensive. “Alex, you’ve been around enough to know how things work. You can’t do any good unless you’re in a position to do good, and sometimes you have to do something expedient to get there.”
“Save it for your next Rotary Club speech, Tony. I am never going to agree with you that the ends justify the means. I’ve never been afraid to admit when we had a bad apple in the department, but Kinsey isn’t a liar. He made a mistake, but you don’t have to tell the PD about it because it’s not going to have an impact on his credibility. Okay?”
“Yes, okay.” She could tell he was unhappy about it.
She was ready to hang up but Tony said in a mollifying tone, “So how are you doing, Alex? We haven’t talked for a while.”
“I’m fine,” she lied.
“No, really. I mean, it’s been a long time and I figured since you haven’t heard anything from her—”
“What?” Alex cut in. “You thought you were safe to assume that I was over it by now?”
“Come on, don’t be like that.” His voice turned condescending. “I’m worried about you, honey. She treated you like shit, taking off like that.”
“Stop it,” Alex said, weary of the conversation and of him. “I’ve told you this before. My current marriage is none of your business. I’m not interested in your worry about me, I’m not interested in your opinion of CJ and I’m definitely not interested in anything personal you have to say to me. Goodbye, Tony.”
She managed to hang up without slamming the phone down, then tried to shut everything off, to concentrate on the latest index crime section of the Uniform Crime Reports. Her pain was beginning to feel like a permanent change in her, as if her eyes had somehow changed color. How long would it be before she stopped reaching for the phone in the middle of the day to call CJ? How long would it be before she stopped reaching for her in the night?
She looked up to see Deputy Chief Paul Duncan in her doorway. Sighing, she put the UCR aside and said, “Paul, come in. Are you here about Roger?”
He wedged his bulky body down carefully into her visitor’s chair, a frown wrinkling his already
It took her a couple of minutes to gather the strength to even dial his number. Everything seemed difficult for her lately. In the beginning, after CJ had left, she had spent weeks doing everything to find her. When every effort proved futile, her failure took her energy with it. Now even getting through the day was almost too difficult to manage.
As she waited for her ex to pick up his line, Alex could only think that the conversation she was about to have would never have happened if CJ had still been on the job. CJ would have known the answer and probably would have taken some pleasure in calling Tony to tell him how wrong he was. Tony had never liked CJ and hated that Alex was married to her. CJ had tried to treat him with equanimity, but eventually had surrendered to her deep resentment of his interference in Alex’s life.
“Alex.” Tony’s deep baritone sounded warm. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
God, she hated that he always sounded as if he were still interested in her. “Not pleasure, Tony, business. I’m calling about Detective Kinsey.”
“Kinsey. Kinsey. Which case is that?”
Alex sighed. It took her three minutes to remind him about the topic and another ten to explain why his office did not need the IA file. Finally he said, “Look, I get it. You don’t want your guy to look bad. But I don’t need an accusation from the defendant’s lawyer that we didn’t disclose the evidence, so humor me on this.”
“You want me to send you the IA file and hang my detective out to dry because you’re afraid to look bad to the public defender’s office?” Alex snapped at him. “When did you stop acting like a DA and start acting like a politician?”
“The District Attorney is an elected official,” he said, his tone defensive. “Alex, you’ve been around enough to know how things work. You can’t do any good unless you’re in a position to do good, and sometimes you have to do something expedient to get there.”
“Save it for your next Rotary Club speech, Tony. I am never going to agree with you that the ends justify the means. I’ve never been afraid to admit when we had a bad apple in the department, but Kinsey isn’t a liar. He made a mistake, but you don’t have to tell the PD about it because it’s not going to have an impact on his credibility. Okay?”
“Yes, okay.” She could tell he was unhappy about it.
She was ready to hang up but Tony said in a mollifying tone, “So how are you doing, Alex? We haven’t talked for a while.”
“I’m fine,” she lied.
“No, really. I mean, it’s been a long time and I figured since you haven’t heard anything from her—”
“What?” Alex cut in. “You thought you were safe to assume that I was over it by now?”
“Come on, don’t be like that.” His voice turned condescending. “I’m worried about you, honey. She treated you like shit, taking off like that.”
“Stop it,” Alex said, weary of the conversation and of him. “I’ve told you this before. My current marriage is none of your business. I’m not interested in your worry about me, I’m not interested in your opinion of CJ and I’m definitely not interested in anything personal you have to say to me. Goodbye, Tony.”
She managed to hang up without slamming the phone down, then tried to shut everything off, to concentrate on the latest index crime section of the Uniform Crime Reports. Her pain was beginning to feel like a permanent change in her, as if her eyes had somehow changed color. How long would it be before she stopped reaching for the phone in the middle of the day to call CJ? How long would it be before she stopped reaching for her in the night?
She looked up to see Deputy Chief Paul Duncan in her doorway. Sighing, she put the UCR aside and said, “Paul, come in. Are you here about Roger?”
He wedged his bulky body down carefully into her visitor’s chair, a frown wrinkling his already
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