supposed to do them good,’ explained Derrick.
‘Typical!’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Humans never cease to amaze me. I still can’t get over how giving children an oval ball and letting them run at full tilt, slamming into each other, is legal.’ She did not at all approve of organised sports. Disorganised sports like pie throwing, ice-cream-van chasing and being shot out of a cannon held much more appeal.
‘Look!’ cried Boris. ‘She’s coming this way! Quick, hide!’
The blonde girl was, indeed, letting herself in through the Green’s front gate and approaching the front door. Unfortunately there was no time to avoid detection, because a ten-foot squealing Russian bear does tend to draw the eye.
The girl smiled and waved up at them.
Nanny Piggins and the children stared back down. (Boris was too busy ‘hiding’. Although he was not so much hiding as cowering in the corner with Mr Green’s doona over his head. But we should not judge him too harshly because it is hard to hidewhen you are ten foot tall and weigh seven hundred kilograms.) ‘What does she want?’ hissed Nanny Piggins. She distrusted unprovoked smiling. She clutched her dart gun tightly and wished she had not left the poisoned darts in her own room.
‘We could go downstairs and ask her,’ suggested Samantha, knowing this was something Nanny Piggins would never think of herself.
‘All right,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘But if we are all arrested and dragged off to prison it’ll be your fault when we miss our soap operas.’
So they all went downstairs (except for Boris, who was still hiding under the doona) and approached the front door with caution. Nanny Piggins was holding a telescopic umbrella at the ready, just in case things got out of hand and someone had to be clubbed over the head.
‘If I am arrested, children,’ said Nanny Piggins, ‘I just want you to know two things. One, it’s been a pleasure being your nanny. And two, I’ve got twenty-three family fun packets of mini chocolate bars sewn into the underside of my mattress.’
And with that Nanny Piggins bravely swung open the front door.
‘Good morning,’ said the girl. ‘Would you like to buy some Buzzy Bee biscuits?’
Nanny Piggins immediately slammed the door in her face.
‘What does she mean?’ Nanny Piggins asked the children.
‘I think she’d like to know if you’d like to buy some Buzzy Bee biscuits,’ said Derrick. (He realised it took his nanny no time at all to grasp things that made no sense, and a lot of time to understand things that seemed perfectly reasonable.)
‘But that’s the most stupid question in the entire world,’ said Nanny Piggins.
‘It is?’ said Samantha. This surprised her because only the previous day, her maths teacher had told her that the stupidest question in the entire world was, ‘Why do I have to learn how to solve quadratic equations?’
‘Who would not want to buy biscuits?’ asked Nanny Piggins. ‘It’s like asking, “Would you like to breathe in and out?” or “Would you like to try to shove twenty-three family fun packets of chocolate into your mouth all at the same time?” The answer is obvious.’ And with that Nanny Piggins threw the door back open and told the now slightly frightened-looking girl, ‘Yes, of course I want to buy your biscuits. Are you out of your mind to be asking such a ridiculous question?’
As it turned out Nanny Piggins only bought nine boxes of biscuits. She would have bought more, but the problem was she was paid ten cents an hour and Nanny Piggins only found eleven dollars when she was rifling through Mr Green’s room (she had not gone into his room to do that, but that did not mean she was going to waste the opportunity while she was there).
So Nanny Piggins, the children and Boris (who had now been persuaded that it was safe to come downstairs) sat with the packets of biscuits laid out on the coffee table ready to enjoy a lovely afternoon tea. Nanny Piggins opened the
‘Typical!’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Humans never cease to amaze me. I still can’t get over how giving children an oval ball and letting them run at full tilt, slamming into each other, is legal.’ She did not at all approve of organised sports. Disorganised sports like pie throwing, ice-cream-van chasing and being shot out of a cannon held much more appeal.
‘Look!’ cried Boris. ‘She’s coming this way! Quick, hide!’
The blonde girl was, indeed, letting herself in through the Green’s front gate and approaching the front door. Unfortunately there was no time to avoid detection, because a ten-foot squealing Russian bear does tend to draw the eye.
The girl smiled and waved up at them.
Nanny Piggins and the children stared back down. (Boris was too busy ‘hiding’. Although he was not so much hiding as cowering in the corner with Mr Green’s doona over his head. But we should not judge him too harshly because it is hard to hidewhen you are ten foot tall and weigh seven hundred kilograms.) ‘What does she want?’ hissed Nanny Piggins. She distrusted unprovoked smiling. She clutched her dart gun tightly and wished she had not left the poisoned darts in her own room.
‘We could go downstairs and ask her,’ suggested Samantha, knowing this was something Nanny Piggins would never think of herself.
‘All right,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘But if we are all arrested and dragged off to prison it’ll be your fault when we miss our soap operas.’
So they all went downstairs (except for Boris, who was still hiding under the doona) and approached the front door with caution. Nanny Piggins was holding a telescopic umbrella at the ready, just in case things got out of hand and someone had to be clubbed over the head.
‘If I am arrested, children,’ said Nanny Piggins, ‘I just want you to know two things. One, it’s been a pleasure being your nanny. And two, I’ve got twenty-three family fun packets of mini chocolate bars sewn into the underside of my mattress.’
And with that Nanny Piggins bravely swung open the front door.
‘Good morning,’ said the girl. ‘Would you like to buy some Buzzy Bee biscuits?’
Nanny Piggins immediately slammed the door in her face.
‘What does she mean?’ Nanny Piggins asked the children.
‘I think she’d like to know if you’d like to buy some Buzzy Bee biscuits,’ said Derrick. (He realised it took his nanny no time at all to grasp things that made no sense, and a lot of time to understand things that seemed perfectly reasonable.)
‘But that’s the most stupid question in the entire world,’ said Nanny Piggins.
‘It is?’ said Samantha. This surprised her because only the previous day, her maths teacher had told her that the stupidest question in the entire world was, ‘Why do I have to learn how to solve quadratic equations?’
‘Who would not want to buy biscuits?’ asked Nanny Piggins. ‘It’s like asking, “Would you like to breathe in and out?” or “Would you like to try to shove twenty-three family fun packets of chocolate into your mouth all at the same time?” The answer is obvious.’ And with that Nanny Piggins threw the door back open and told the now slightly frightened-looking girl, ‘Yes, of course I want to buy your biscuits. Are you out of your mind to be asking such a ridiculous question?’
As it turned out Nanny Piggins only bought nine boxes of biscuits. She would have bought more, but the problem was she was paid ten cents an hour and Nanny Piggins only found eleven dollars when she was rifling through Mr Green’s room (she had not gone into his room to do that, but that did not mean she was going to waste the opportunity while she was there).
So Nanny Piggins, the children and Boris (who had now been persuaded that it was safe to come downstairs) sat with the packets of biscuits laid out on the coffee table ready to enjoy a lovely afternoon tea. Nanny Piggins opened the
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