recipe. Then punish them properly .’
‘Why?’ asked Derrick, who thought that sounded like an awful lot of work.
‘Because if they got the biscuit recipe, who knows what they might try to steal next?’ exclaimed Nanny Piggins. ‘Seventh-Cousin Gillian’s peanut brittle? Third-Niece Natalie’s blancmange? Or worst of all – what if Great-Great-Auntie Piggins’ mudcake recipe got out?!!’ Nanny Piggins had to stop speaking here because she got so emotional she could not say another word.
Boris patted her affectionately on the shoulder. ‘There, there. Don’t think about it. The possibilities are too horrific to imagine.’
‘So how does one go about joining the Buzzy Bees?’ asked Nanny Piggins, pulling herself together. ‘Is there an initiation ritual? Do I have to kill someone? Or ride a motorbike through a burning ring of fire?’
‘I’m pretty sure you just have to go along to one of their meetings and say you’d like to join,’ said Samantha.
‘Of course, how ingenious, they make it easy so they can lure more young people into a life of crime,’ said Nanny Piggins, nodding wisely. ‘Let’s all go and join tomorrow.’
As it turned out they did not all go and join the Buzzy Bees the next day. Derrick and Michael, after an enormous amount of explanation and begging, managed to excuse themselves. Nanny Piggins took some time to be convinced that the Buzzy Bees was only for girls. She was pretty sure this must breach some equal-opportunity law or another.
But in the end it was just Nanny Piggins, Samantha and Boris (who was a ballet dancer and therefore in touch with his feminine side, and did not mind pretending to be an eleven-year-old girl) who went along to the Buzzy Bee meeting.
When they arrived, the blonde girl who sold them the biscuits was also there. Although as soon as she saw Nanny Piggins she ran away screaming. The adult leader of the group, a stout, jolly, middle-aged woman came up to welcome them.
‘Hello, I’m Barn Owl,’ she said.
‘She does realise she’s not an owl, she’s a human, doesn’t she?’ Nanny Piggins whispered to Samantha.
‘I think so,’ said Samantha, who was entirely out of her depth.
‘Maybe she calls herself Barn Owl because herhead will turn around three hundred and sixty degrees,’ suggested Boris.
‘Good point,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Shall we find out?’
‘Maybe later,’ suggested Samantha, grabbing Nanny Piggins’ hand. Samantha thought that snapping the leader’s neck was probably not a good way to make friends and feel part of the group.
‘Why don’t our new members stand up and introduce themselves?’ said Barn Owl.
‘Hello,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘I’m Na–Sarah.’
‘I’m Samantha,’ said Samantha.
‘And I’m Borisina,’ said Boris in a high-pitched, feminine voice.
‘All right, it’s jolly good to have some new girls. Let’s make them welcome the Buzzy Bee way,’ said Barn Owl.
Nanny Piggins turned to Samantha. ‘Is this where they make us jump a motorbike through a burning ring of fire?’
But, sadly, Nanny Piggins was disappointed.
‘Let’s take them outside and teach them how to light a fire with just two sticks,’ said Barn Owl.
The next two hours were not terribly instructive for Nanny Piggins, Boris and Samantha. Watching girls rub two sticks together without generating even a puff of smoke was not Nanny Piggins’ idea of a good time.
‘They do realise you can buy a box of matches for twenty cents, don’t they?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
‘I think they want to be able to light a fire when they find themselves somewhere without shops that sell matches,’ explained Samantha.
‘Surely it would be a thousand times easier just to carry a box of matches at all times,’ said Boris.
‘I suppose they want to know how to light a fire if they fall in a river and their matches get wet,’ said Samantha.
‘If this is the alternative, I’d rather stay in the river and drown,’ said
‘Why?’ asked Derrick, who thought that sounded like an awful lot of work.
‘Because if they got the biscuit recipe, who knows what they might try to steal next?’ exclaimed Nanny Piggins. ‘Seventh-Cousin Gillian’s peanut brittle? Third-Niece Natalie’s blancmange? Or worst of all – what if Great-Great-Auntie Piggins’ mudcake recipe got out?!!’ Nanny Piggins had to stop speaking here because she got so emotional she could not say another word.
Boris patted her affectionately on the shoulder. ‘There, there. Don’t think about it. The possibilities are too horrific to imagine.’
‘So how does one go about joining the Buzzy Bees?’ asked Nanny Piggins, pulling herself together. ‘Is there an initiation ritual? Do I have to kill someone? Or ride a motorbike through a burning ring of fire?’
‘I’m pretty sure you just have to go along to one of their meetings and say you’d like to join,’ said Samantha.
‘Of course, how ingenious, they make it easy so they can lure more young people into a life of crime,’ said Nanny Piggins, nodding wisely. ‘Let’s all go and join tomorrow.’
As it turned out they did not all go and join the Buzzy Bees the next day. Derrick and Michael, after an enormous amount of explanation and begging, managed to excuse themselves. Nanny Piggins took some time to be convinced that the Buzzy Bees was only for girls. She was pretty sure this must breach some equal-opportunity law or another.
But in the end it was just Nanny Piggins, Samantha and Boris (who was a ballet dancer and therefore in touch with his feminine side, and did not mind pretending to be an eleven-year-old girl) who went along to the Buzzy Bee meeting.
When they arrived, the blonde girl who sold them the biscuits was also there. Although as soon as she saw Nanny Piggins she ran away screaming. The adult leader of the group, a stout, jolly, middle-aged woman came up to welcome them.
‘Hello, I’m Barn Owl,’ she said.
‘She does realise she’s not an owl, she’s a human, doesn’t she?’ Nanny Piggins whispered to Samantha.
‘I think so,’ said Samantha, who was entirely out of her depth.
‘Maybe she calls herself Barn Owl because herhead will turn around three hundred and sixty degrees,’ suggested Boris.
‘Good point,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Shall we find out?’
‘Maybe later,’ suggested Samantha, grabbing Nanny Piggins’ hand. Samantha thought that snapping the leader’s neck was probably not a good way to make friends and feel part of the group.
‘Why don’t our new members stand up and introduce themselves?’ said Barn Owl.
‘Hello,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘I’m Na–Sarah.’
‘I’m Samantha,’ said Samantha.
‘And I’m Borisina,’ said Boris in a high-pitched, feminine voice.
‘All right, it’s jolly good to have some new girls. Let’s make them welcome the Buzzy Bee way,’ said Barn Owl.
Nanny Piggins turned to Samantha. ‘Is this where they make us jump a motorbike through a burning ring of fire?’
But, sadly, Nanny Piggins was disappointed.
‘Let’s take them outside and teach them how to light a fire with just two sticks,’ said Barn Owl.
The next two hours were not terribly instructive for Nanny Piggins, Boris and Samantha. Watching girls rub two sticks together without generating even a puff of smoke was not Nanny Piggins’ idea of a good time.
‘They do realise you can buy a box of matches for twenty cents, don’t they?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
‘I think they want to be able to light a fire when they find themselves somewhere without shops that sell matches,’ explained Samantha.
‘Surely it would be a thousand times easier just to carry a box of matches at all times,’ said Boris.
‘I suppose they want to know how to light a fire if they fall in a river and their matches get wet,’ said Samantha.
‘If this is the alternative, I’d rather stay in the river and drown,’ said
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