Adopting Jenny by Liz Botts Page B

curiosity, you know.”
    I tapped my spoon against the ice cream container. “He made me change. I wasn’t ready for sex. Everything went downhill after we started doing it.”
    â€œDid Josh pressure you?” Hayley’s eyes grew wide.
    Guilt crept in. “No. I told you, we just decided it was time. But still…” I dropped my gaze to the ice cream, unsure how to finish my thoughts.
    Hayley was quiet for a long time. “Did you ever talk to Josh about how you were feeling?”
    â€œNo,” I admitted. Then a surge of anger swept over me, and I jammed the spoon down hard into the ice cream. With a quick shove, the afghan fell to the floor, and I jumped off the couch. “Whose side are you on anyway? You’re my little sister. Have some loyalty.”
    I spun around and marched to my room. Hayley followed me. She caught the door just before it slammed in her face. “Nice try, Han,” she said. “You can be as mad at me as you want, but the reality is that you just broke up with Josh. You made the decision. You have every right to be upset, but not with me. I’m not on anyone’s side. I love you, so yeah, I want to make sure you’re okay. But I know Josh pretty well now too, and I can’t just take up arms against him.” She paused, leaning against the doorframe. “I think part of your problem is that this has nothing to do with Josh. This is all about you.”
    My anger faltered. I hated how astute Hayley could be. She was my little sister for crying out loud. Still…the petty part of me made me toss my head back and glare at her. “Yeah? And what’s the other part of my problem?”
    Hayley gave me a sad smile. “You’re still hopelessly in love with Josh,” she said as she closed my door. “And it scares you to death.”
    ****
    The ringing of my cell phone woke me several hours later. My eyes felt caked shut with gunk, and I scrubbed a hand across them before answering.
    â€œWere you sleeping?” Josh’s voice warmed my ear, and for a moment, I sighed contentedly. Then I remembered what had happened earlier and every nerve in my body tensed.
    â€œDo you remember when we used to talk ourselves to sleep?” Josh asked.
    Memories of high school flooded my mind. Sweet nights spent whispering until one or both of us fell asleep. We had been in the throes of new love. Everything had been so simple, so sweet.
    â€œI loved that,” I said.
    â€œMe too.”
    Silence followed. Then some rustling. I imagined Josh shifting the phone to his other ear. Despite all my harshness earlier, I felt comforted by his presence on the other end of the line. I could picture him leaning back on pillows propped against the wall. He probably had textbooks spread out around him. He loved to study in bed.
    I pushed myself into a sitting position. “Josh, why are you calling?”
    He sighed, the sound magnified by the phone pressed to my ear. “I call every night.”
    The lump formed again in my throat and tears pricked the backs of my eyes. “Not anymore,” I said. “I can’t do this.”
    Josh fell silent again. Finally he said, “Are you sure, Han? I mean, really sure? Because I just don’t think I can do it, not have you in my life, I mean.”
    â€œI need some space,” I whispered. Space. I needed to find myself again, to sort out my priorities. Make sure Josh was what I wanted and not what I was just accustomed to.
    â€œSpace.” Josh’s tone was flat. “I can give you space. Just don’t push me away permanently.”
    Swallowing hard, I said, “I can’t promise you anything.”
    â€œJust tell me you still love me,” Josh said. I could hear the hesitancy in his voice. I hated myself for causing him so much pain, but…I had to do this for me.
    â€œI do. I do love you, Josh, but right now I need to find out who I am. Good