Adopting Jenny by Liz Botts Page A

ears.
    Hayley bit her lip as she looked at me. I had seen the expression on her face one too many times. She was holding back, not wanting to offend me by whatever she was thinking.
    â€œI know. I sound pathetic, but it’s the truth. We just did it, and I guess I wasn’t ready.” I picked at the fuzz on the blanket. My whole life I had been so strong, only doing things that made sense to me. I had loved that about myself. When other girls were bending to their boyfriends, I had an equal relationship with Josh. But then…somewhere along the way I started listening to what others thought I should be doing. Giving in to peer pressure seemed so stupid in hindsight, and yet…at the time it made me feel good to be included in so many conversations with the other girls in my classes.
    â€œSo why did you break up?”
    A shuddery breath escaped my lungs. “I just need some time by myself to think things through. Make sure we’re staying together for the right reasons.”
    â€œOkay,” Hayley said. “Do you need anything? Let me know what I can do.”
    I tried to give her a smile, but it wavered. “I’m fine.”
    â€œNo you’re not,” Hayley said. “Hang on, I’ll be right back.”
    A minute later, the refrigerator opened, followed by the clinking of silverware. Hayley hopped back onto the sofa with a pint of cookie dough ice cream and two spoons.
    She handed me a spoon and said, “Ice cream therapy.”
    We dipped into the container, neither of us saying anything for a long time. My breathing slowed to normal with only the occasional hiccup. How could all of this have taken such a nasty turn? How did one stupid decision change everything so fast?
    A few months ago I had been dreaming about marrying Josh after college, maybe moving to the city to find work in theater. Not on stage, but maybe something behind the scenes. I had no delusions that I would ever be a great actress, but working in the theater seemed to make so much sense.
    I loved the energy of working on a performance, especially when everyone in the cast pooled their creativity. Shows took on a life of their own after just a few rehearsals, and being part of something bigger than myself always felt so right.
    And Josh and I…we fit together perfectly. Ever since high school, he had been my everything, my best friend. After we started sleeping together, something shifted between us. Even now as I sat contemplating what had happened, I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it. One day we were just Hannah and Josh, and the next we had crossed some invisible line, and had started taking our relationship for granted. Before, even when things got hot and heavy, when we pulled apart we each had our separate identities. After, I guess I felt like I lost myself in him, and not in a good way.
    Insecurities I had never known existed started to surface. I worried constantly that he would leave me or cheat on me. After only a few times, I had turned into the kind of girl I despised. The clingy type that didn’t feel complete without my boyfriend next to me. Josh reassured me that nothing had changed, that he loved me more than ever. He honestly had the patience of a saint. But even as the words he intended to soothe me drifted into my ears, they created a little ball of resentment deep inside my soul.
    With a stab of the spoon into the ice cream, I realized that I resented Josh. He kept telling me that he loved me more than ever. How could that be true when all I could see was how everything around us, including us, had changed? Hayley arched an eyebrow at me as I looked up at her. Clearly not privy to my thoughts, I licked the spoon clean, suddenly glad to feel the sadness fading and that wonderfully righteous anger returning.
    â€œJosh sucks,” I said.
    Hayley frowned. “I don’t want to say too much. I mean, it’s not really my place anyway, but why? Just out of