brothers,” I said. “I'm the Honorable Right Reverend Doctor Jones, preaching my way across this savage continent.”
“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” said the older of the two men. “I'm Captain Michael Holmes, and this is Lieutenant Richard Thorpe. Where are you heading for?”
“Wherever I can bring peace and contentment to my fellow man,” I said devoutly. “I'll go anyplace where the spirit of these godless savages needs uplifting.”
“That's highly commendable,” said Lieutenant Thorpe. “I wish there were more people like you, Padre.”
“Why, thank you kindly, Brother Thorpe,” I said, signaling the bartender to bring the bottle. “Have another drink.”
We got to talking for a while then, and drinking pretty hard, and before long we were all loosened up and pretty good friends.
“I just think it's wonderful,” said Captain Holmes after a long silence.
“What is?” I asked.
“A man of God going fearlessly through the bush, bringing the Word and the Spirit to the savages.”
“There's no resisting the call once it comes to rest on you, brother,” I said modestly. “However, I'd be Iying if I didn't tell you that I'm far from fearless.”
“Certainly you are,” objected Captain Holmes. “How could you be a coward, rubbing shoulders with cannibals and pygmies and the like?”
“I'll tell you, Brother Holmes,” I said. “Not all of us are afraid of the same things. Now, as for me, I know that all men are God's children, so I don't have no fear when I walk into a native village. But that don't mean I ain't afraid of other things.”
“Such as?”
“Such as elephants, Brother Holmes,” I said with a shudder. “Creatures of Satan they are, with them incredible proboscises and little red eyes, and able to crush the life out of a man so easy-like.” I downed another drink emphatically.
“Nothing to worry about, Padre,” said Thorpe. “There's no elephants within twenty miles of here.”
“A comfort,” I said. “A definite comfort. But my call has been made clear to me, brothers. I got to go through some place called the Conclave or something like that, and I'm told that it's absolutely rife with bloodthirsty pachyderms.”
“You mean the Lado Enclave?” asked Holmes.
“The very spot!” I said. “The very spot indeed. I don't suppose I could, as one good Christian to another, ask one of you gentlemen to escort me safely through there so's I don't fall prey to some elephant's dark and bloodthirsty desires?”
“I'm afraid not, Padre,” said Thorpe. “We're on duty here. But elephants are a pretty peaceful lot, by and large. If you see any, just give them a wide berth.”
“Do one of you gentlemen have a map of the area?” I asked, pouring them each another drink.
Holmes pulled a map out of his vest pocket and unfolded it. “Here you are, Reverend Jones,” he said.
I found the Lado Enclave right quick, and estimated it to be a day-and-a-half march to the north and west. Then I picked a pencil out of my pocket and handed it to Thorpe.
“I wonder, Brother Thorpe,” I said, “if you could mark the areas of the Enclave I'll most want to avoid?”
“You mean places with...”
I nodded and gulped in terror. “Right. With elephants.”
He looked at the map, then drew seven or eight circles at various parts of the Enclave. “Okay, Reverend Jones,” he said at last. “These represent the greatest concentrations of the herds. If you just walk around these areas you should be okay. You may run into a stray elephant now and then, but you'll avoid most of them.”
“I don't know how to thank you, brothers,” I said, folding up the map and sticking it inside my shirt. “You can't begin to know what a service you've done for the Lord this day.”
“Always happy to help a man of the cloth,” said Thorpe. “As for thanking us, it's not necessary—though if you run across any ivory poachers, you might report them to us on your next swing through
“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” said the older of the two men. “I'm Captain Michael Holmes, and this is Lieutenant Richard Thorpe. Where are you heading for?”
“Wherever I can bring peace and contentment to my fellow man,” I said devoutly. “I'll go anyplace where the spirit of these godless savages needs uplifting.”
“That's highly commendable,” said Lieutenant Thorpe. “I wish there were more people like you, Padre.”
“Why, thank you kindly, Brother Thorpe,” I said, signaling the bartender to bring the bottle. “Have another drink.”
We got to talking for a while then, and drinking pretty hard, and before long we were all loosened up and pretty good friends.
“I just think it's wonderful,” said Captain Holmes after a long silence.
“What is?” I asked.
“A man of God going fearlessly through the bush, bringing the Word and the Spirit to the savages.”
“There's no resisting the call once it comes to rest on you, brother,” I said modestly. “However, I'd be Iying if I didn't tell you that I'm far from fearless.”
“Certainly you are,” objected Captain Holmes. “How could you be a coward, rubbing shoulders with cannibals and pygmies and the like?”
“I'll tell you, Brother Holmes,” I said. “Not all of us are afraid of the same things. Now, as for me, I know that all men are God's children, so I don't have no fear when I walk into a native village. But that don't mean I ain't afraid of other things.”
“Such as?”
“Such as elephants, Brother Holmes,” I said with a shudder. “Creatures of Satan they are, with them incredible proboscises and little red eyes, and able to crush the life out of a man so easy-like.” I downed another drink emphatically.
“Nothing to worry about, Padre,” said Thorpe. “There's no elephants within twenty miles of here.”
“A comfort,” I said. “A definite comfort. But my call has been made clear to me, brothers. I got to go through some place called the Conclave or something like that, and I'm told that it's absolutely rife with bloodthirsty pachyderms.”
“You mean the Lado Enclave?” asked Holmes.
“The very spot!” I said. “The very spot indeed. I don't suppose I could, as one good Christian to another, ask one of you gentlemen to escort me safely through there so's I don't fall prey to some elephant's dark and bloodthirsty desires?”
“I'm afraid not, Padre,” said Thorpe. “We're on duty here. But elephants are a pretty peaceful lot, by and large. If you see any, just give them a wide berth.”
“Do one of you gentlemen have a map of the area?” I asked, pouring them each another drink.
Holmes pulled a map out of his vest pocket and unfolded it. “Here you are, Reverend Jones,” he said.
I found the Lado Enclave right quick, and estimated it to be a day-and-a-half march to the north and west. Then I picked a pencil out of my pocket and handed it to Thorpe.
“I wonder, Brother Thorpe,” I said, “if you could mark the areas of the Enclave I'll most want to avoid?”
“You mean places with...”
I nodded and gulped in terror. “Right. With elephants.”
He looked at the map, then drew seven or eight circles at various parts of the Enclave. “Okay, Reverend Jones,” he said at last. “These represent the greatest concentrations of the herds. If you just walk around these areas you should be okay. You may run into a stray elephant now and then, but you'll avoid most of them.”
“I don't know how to thank you, brothers,” I said, folding up the map and sticking it inside my shirt. “You can't begin to know what a service you've done for the Lord this day.”
“Always happy to help a man of the cloth,” said Thorpe. “As for thanking us, it's not necessary—though if you run across any ivory poachers, you might report them to us on your next swing through
Similar Books
