here.”
“I certainly will,” I said, “though I can't understand why anyone would kill elephants.”
“I would have thought you'd approve,” said Holmes.
“For vengeance, yes,” I said. “But for profit? That's breaking the Second and Ninth Commandments.”
I took my leave of them then, and wandered off to meet Herbie.
“What have you been doing?” he demanded when I got there.
“Securing our fortune,” I said, throwing the map down in front of him. “I supply the brainpower, you supply the marksmanship, and we split the take.”
“Fifty-fifty?” he asked.
“One-third, one-third, one-third,” I corrected him.
“Come again?” said Herbie.
“One-third for you, one-third for me, and one-third for the Lord.”
He kept insisting that this was really a two-to-one split for me, so after some further haggling we finally decided on fifty-five percent of the first ten thousand pounds for me, forty-five percent for Herbie, and the Lord had an option on the next three thousand pounds.
We decided that we'd better be up and on the trail bright and early the next morning, so we turned in almost immediately. During the middle of the night I felt a sharp pain in the side of my neck, and, figuring it was some small lizard or beetle, I tried to flick it off with my hand, and wound up poking Herbie in the eye.
“Goddamnit!” he screamed, rubbing his eye vigorously. “What did you want to go and do that for, Lucifer?”
“Why don't you tell me just what you were doing bending over my neck?” I snapped.
“It's personal,” moaned Herbie, still holding his hand over his eye.
“It's more than personal,” I said. “It's perverted! Kissing a man's neck when he's sleeping!”
“I wasn't kissing you, Lucifer,” he whined. “Honest I wasn't.”
“Just see that it don't happen again,” I said, and lay back down on my blanket.
And not ten minutes later I felt this pain in my neck again.
“Herbie!” I yelled, and he must have jumped five feet into the air. “What the hell is going on?”
“Well, Lucifer,” he sighed, “you might as well know the truth.”
“That you're some kind of moral degenerate?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“I'm a vampire,” he said.
“You mean like goes around sucking blood and such?” I said.
He nodded sadly. “I wish I wasn't. I mean, you have no idea the strain it puts me under, but I am and that's all there is to it.”
“How long have you been a vampire?”
“Oh, about ten years now. Maybe eleven. You know, Lucifer, I don't think there's any group anywhere in the world that's more misunderstood than us vampires. I mean, I hope you don't think I like nabbing people in the neck and drinking their blood.” He shuddered. “It's disgusting!”
“Then why do you do it?”
“I'm compelled to, just like you're compelled to drink water,” he answered. “It's not a matter of choice.”
“But I've seen you in the sunlight,” I said. “I thought vampires couldn't do that.”
“European vampires can't,” said Herbie. “It's like a whole different union.”
“I've seen you eat meat,” I said.
“I've seen you eat meat, too,” he shot back. “Doesn't stop you from needing water, does it?”
“Is this why you were kicked out of the army?” I asked.
He nodded.
“And why the Ankole had you staked out?”
“Yes,” he said. “Believe me, Lucifer, I'm a better person for being able to talk about it. I'm not like this all the time, really I'm not. Most of the time I'm just as normal as you are. It's just that sometimes I ... well, I get this craving .”
“Do you have it now?” I asked.
He stared long and hard at my neck. “No,” he said with a relieved sigh. “I think it's gone now.” He paused for a moment, then nodded vigorously. “Yes, I'm sure it's gone.”
“Good,” I said, walking over and tying him to a tree. “I'll let you loose in the morning.” I went back to my blanket and lay down. “I think I'll probably be tying
“I certainly will,” I said, “though I can't understand why anyone would kill elephants.”
“I would have thought you'd approve,” said Holmes.
“For vengeance, yes,” I said. “But for profit? That's breaking the Second and Ninth Commandments.”
I took my leave of them then, and wandered off to meet Herbie.
“What have you been doing?” he demanded when I got there.
“Securing our fortune,” I said, throwing the map down in front of him. “I supply the brainpower, you supply the marksmanship, and we split the take.”
“Fifty-fifty?” he asked.
“One-third, one-third, one-third,” I corrected him.
“Come again?” said Herbie.
“One-third for you, one-third for me, and one-third for the Lord.”
He kept insisting that this was really a two-to-one split for me, so after some further haggling we finally decided on fifty-five percent of the first ten thousand pounds for me, forty-five percent for Herbie, and the Lord had an option on the next three thousand pounds.
We decided that we'd better be up and on the trail bright and early the next morning, so we turned in almost immediately. During the middle of the night I felt a sharp pain in the side of my neck, and, figuring it was some small lizard or beetle, I tried to flick it off with my hand, and wound up poking Herbie in the eye.
“Goddamnit!” he screamed, rubbing his eye vigorously. “What did you want to go and do that for, Lucifer?”
“Why don't you tell me just what you were doing bending over my neck?” I snapped.
“It's personal,” moaned Herbie, still holding his hand over his eye.
“It's more than personal,” I said. “It's perverted! Kissing a man's neck when he's sleeping!”
“I wasn't kissing you, Lucifer,” he whined. “Honest I wasn't.”
“Just see that it don't happen again,” I said, and lay back down on my blanket.
And not ten minutes later I felt this pain in my neck again.
“Herbie!” I yelled, and he must have jumped five feet into the air. “What the hell is going on?”
“Well, Lucifer,” he sighed, “you might as well know the truth.”
“That you're some kind of moral degenerate?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“I'm a vampire,” he said.
“You mean like goes around sucking blood and such?” I said.
He nodded sadly. “I wish I wasn't. I mean, you have no idea the strain it puts me under, but I am and that's all there is to it.”
“How long have you been a vampire?”
“Oh, about ten years now. Maybe eleven. You know, Lucifer, I don't think there's any group anywhere in the world that's more misunderstood than us vampires. I mean, I hope you don't think I like nabbing people in the neck and drinking their blood.” He shuddered. “It's disgusting!”
“Then why do you do it?”
“I'm compelled to, just like you're compelled to drink water,” he answered. “It's not a matter of choice.”
“But I've seen you in the sunlight,” I said. “I thought vampires couldn't do that.”
“European vampires can't,” said Herbie. “It's like a whole different union.”
“I've seen you eat meat,” I said.
“I've seen you eat meat, too,” he shot back. “Doesn't stop you from needing water, does it?”
“Is this why you were kicked out of the army?” I asked.
He nodded.
“And why the Ankole had you staked out?”
“Yes,” he said. “Believe me, Lucifer, I'm a better person for being able to talk about it. I'm not like this all the time, really I'm not. Most of the time I'm just as normal as you are. It's just that sometimes I ... well, I get this craving .”
“Do you have it now?” I asked.
He stared long and hard at my neck. “No,” he said with a relieved sigh. “I think it's gone now.” He paused for a moment, then nodded vigorously. “Yes, I'm sure it's gone.”
“Good,” I said, walking over and tying him to a tree. “I'll let you loose in the morning.” I went back to my blanket and lay down. “I think I'll probably be tying
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