the relationship fit him as well as it did her.
There was only one thing lacking as far as Claire was concerned.
She smiled, confident that too would change in time.
“ Will you come up?” she
whispered as he kissed her lips, cheek, neck. Her eyes fluttered
closed and then opened again. She was sure he’d say yes tonight.
His kisses and caresses had a sense of urgency she hadn’t felt
before. She was surprised when he pulled away and shook his
head.
“ I can’t, Claire.” There was
a hint of sadness in his reservation.
“ I don‘t understand.” Her
eyes pleaded. “Garrett… Please. I‘m not asking for forever… just
one night. You know I don’t want you to make me any promises. I
don’t want anything beyond what we have. I just want you to hold
me. Now, only now. Tonight.” Tears filled her eyes. “Why don’t you
want me?”
“ That’s just it, baby.” He
touched her cheek with the palm of his hand. “I do want you. But
one night isn’t enough. I need you to want this, to want me enough
to say we’ll try to make it last.”
Her lips quivered as she held them tightly
together. “Garrett, I can’t have children. I’ll never make a
suitable wife. I can’t be what I’m not. Don’t ask me for more than
I can give.”
“ Oh, Claire. Who ever told
you such a foolish thing?” Garrett wanted to laugh with glee but
held it in check because he knew she wouldn’t understand. So that’s
why she was holding out on him, why she refused to let their
relationship advance beyond casual dating and her continued request
for what he knew would spell the end because she wouldn’t let it
progress afterwards.
“ It’s why my dad took his
first mistress. After my mom had me… there were complications. He
blamed me for her inability to give him a son and, in his eyes, she
was no longer whole. And then it happened to me… I ruined his
chances for his bloodline to continue through grandchildren.” She
laughed bitterly. “Irony of ironies, he never fathered a child with
any of those women either. None of us measured up to his
expectations.” She was crying full out now. Garrett’s heart hurt
for her. He understood why his wanting her was so important. He
reached for her but she pulled away.
He didn’t pursue her.
Instead he told her quickly, “I don’t need another child, Claire.
What I need and want is you and for you to need and want me in return. Come to
my parent’s farm with me tomorrow, Claire. Please?”
She was already shaking her head. I’m not the
type you take home to meet Mum. Look at me, Garrett. I dress like a
high dollar hooker, carouse as I please, live for the moment…
entice innocent men into my bed.” She looked at him. “I’m not good
like you, Garrett.”
“ You’re wrong, Claire. Come
with me.”
“ No. I have to go. Goodbye,
Garrett.” She stepped from the car before he could protest. He
didn’t try to stop her even though his very being screamed for him
to do so. He knew she was not in a state of reasoning. She needed
time. He’d return in the morning and insist, even if it meant
dragging her kicking and screaming from her fancy home. He drove
off knowing it would be a long night.
* * * * *
Claire pushed past Charlie and headed as
quickly as possible to the back hallway, just as she had when she
was a little girl and life had upset her. She didn’t care about the
lobby occupants who watched with gaping mouths and looks of
disapproval as a grown woman in heels and bared shoulders ran past
in a whirl, knocking those who barred her path and ignoring others
who tried to speak to her. All she cared about was escape, the
escape she should have taken months ago.
“ Fool. Idiot. You’ve never
been able to accomplish what you’ve set out to do. You’ll never
amount to anything if that’s the road you choose to follow,” she
chided herself.
Those last words were her dad’s. He’d said
that to her when she told him she wanted to pursue art,
There was only one thing lacking as far as Claire was concerned.
She smiled, confident that too would change in time.
“ Will you come up?” she
whispered as he kissed her lips, cheek, neck. Her eyes fluttered
closed and then opened again. She was sure he’d say yes tonight.
His kisses and caresses had a sense of urgency she hadn’t felt
before. She was surprised when he pulled away and shook his
head.
“ I can’t, Claire.” There was
a hint of sadness in his reservation.
“ I don‘t understand.” Her
eyes pleaded. “Garrett… Please. I‘m not asking for forever… just
one night. You know I don’t want you to make me any promises. I
don’t want anything beyond what we have. I just want you to hold
me. Now, only now. Tonight.” Tears filled her eyes. “Why don’t you
want me?”
“ That’s just it, baby.” He
touched her cheek with the palm of his hand. “I do want you. But
one night isn’t enough. I need you to want this, to want me enough
to say we’ll try to make it last.”
Her lips quivered as she held them tightly
together. “Garrett, I can’t have children. I’ll never make a
suitable wife. I can’t be what I’m not. Don’t ask me for more than
I can give.”
“ Oh, Claire. Who ever told
you such a foolish thing?” Garrett wanted to laugh with glee but
held it in check because he knew she wouldn’t understand. So that’s
why she was holding out on him, why she refused to let their
relationship advance beyond casual dating and her continued request
for what he knew would spell the end because she wouldn’t let it
progress afterwards.
“ It’s why my dad took his
first mistress. After my mom had me… there were complications. He
blamed me for her inability to give him a son and, in his eyes, she
was no longer whole. And then it happened to me… I ruined his
chances for his bloodline to continue through grandchildren.” She
laughed bitterly. “Irony of ironies, he never fathered a child with
any of those women either. None of us measured up to his
expectations.” She was crying full out now. Garrett’s heart hurt
for her. He understood why his wanting her was so important. He
reached for her but she pulled away.
He didn’t pursue her.
Instead he told her quickly, “I don’t need another child, Claire.
What I need and want is you and for you to need and want me in return. Come to
my parent’s farm with me tomorrow, Claire. Please?”
She was already shaking her head. I’m not the
type you take home to meet Mum. Look at me, Garrett. I dress like a
high dollar hooker, carouse as I please, live for the moment…
entice innocent men into my bed.” She looked at him. “I’m not good
like you, Garrett.”
“ You’re wrong, Claire. Come
with me.”
“ No. I have to go. Goodbye,
Garrett.” She stepped from the car before he could protest. He
didn’t try to stop her even though his very being screamed for him
to do so. He knew she was not in a state of reasoning. She needed
time. He’d return in the morning and insist, even if it meant
dragging her kicking and screaming from her fancy home. He drove
off knowing it would be a long night.
* * * * *
Claire pushed past Charlie and headed as
quickly as possible to the back hallway, just as she had when she
was a little girl and life had upset her. She didn’t care about the
lobby occupants who watched with gaping mouths and looks of
disapproval as a grown woman in heels and bared shoulders ran past
in a whirl, knocking those who barred her path and ignoring others
who tried to speak to her. All she cared about was escape, the
escape she should have taken months ago.
“ Fool. Idiot. You’ve never
been able to accomplish what you’ve set out to do. You’ll never
amount to anything if that’s the road you choose to follow,” she
chided herself.
Those last words were her dad’s. He’d said
that to her when she told him she wanted to pursue art,
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