stall, I decided
I’d find an apartment, a real one. Soon. They’d be cheap in Darren, even without roommates,
and in a way, a twenty-minute drive would be preferable to a stroll across campus—a
clear, physical delineation between work and home. Maybe I’d find a place and discover
I lived near Kelly Robak, and we could carpool.
My hands paused mid-lather. Where had that stupid thought come from?
Though if I
did
live near Kelly, I’d probably worry a lot less about the town’s least savory characters
hassling me. People wouldn’t fuck with Kelly Robak’s woman—
Oh God, where had
that
one come from?
Definitely not his woman,
definitely
not, because for one, he would totally say something like that.
Going to see my woman, tonight,
he’d say. And all his meathead caveman friends would probably call me that, too.
I have a name,
I’d say.
Then I realized I was getting bent out of shape over the way I might be treated by
a man who quite possibly had no designs on me, in a theoretical romantic relationship
I didn’t even want to share with him.
Clearly, I was still drunk. Only possible explanation. First thing I’d do on my day
off would be to find a shiny new water bottle and make it a point to stay more hydrated.
Yes, that’d solve my Kelly problems. Stay hydrated, stay sober, stay free of horny
thoughts about my coworker.
It wasn’t long before that resolve was tested. I saw Kelly an hour later in the hand-off
meeting. He said good morning to me, nothing in his expression or tone suggesting
we’d forged some profound bond the night before. Since of course we hadn’t. He was
firmly back in work mode, a big gray human wall of calm. If only parts of me didn’t
have such a distracting urge to climb him.
The morning went smoothly enough, and I spent the first couple of hours shadowing
Jenny again. Then at ten I headed across campus to the Warbler building for restraint
training.
The class took place in a small gymnasium, a nice little setup with a basketball hoop,
yoga balls, a weights set, sports equipment. A large senior nurse named Audra was
leading the three-session course.
A stocky fortysomething, Audra proved herself surprisingly spry, kicking off the class
by having a male orderly pretend to attack her, then breaking forcefully from his
choke hold. I found the display more unnerving than reassuring, as all I could imagine
afterward was being violently attacked from behind.
“Everyone awake now?” she asked through a laugh, face pink from the performance. “Good!
I’m Nurse Audra, and I’ve been at Larkhaven for sixteen years, not a one of them as
a patient, if you can believe that! I’ve worked in every single building and on every
single ward, including the locked unit. Anybody here this morning from Starling?”
I was alone in raising my hand.
“Excellent, excellent. You’re all here for one reason—restraints. And if you came
hoping this’ll be about straightjackets, well tough beans! We’re talking about the
act of physically restraining a patient in order to sedate them. Lemme say first and
foremost, de-escalation is always preferable to a takedown—safer for us and the patients,
and you can imagine it makes for a more harmonious environment. But restraints are
still skills we all need for those worst-case scenarios.
“Now the key to effective restraints and breaks is all in the technique, and I’m going
to show you all how even a tiny little woman like . . .” She prompted me with a nod.
“Erin,” I supplied, annoyed by how many diminutives she’d employed.
“How even a tiny little woman like Erin here can protect herself from attacks by a
resident, even one twice her size and suffering from a psychotic episode. Of course,
ideally, none of you will ever find yourselves in that position without fellow staffers
on hand to come to your aid . . .”
My attention wavered then, as Kelly and two other
I’d find an apartment, a real one. Soon. They’d be cheap in Darren, even without roommates,
and in a way, a twenty-minute drive would be preferable to a stroll across campus—a
clear, physical delineation between work and home. Maybe I’d find a place and discover
I lived near Kelly Robak, and we could carpool.
My hands paused mid-lather. Where had that stupid thought come from?
Though if I
did
live near Kelly, I’d probably worry a lot less about the town’s least savory characters
hassling me. People wouldn’t fuck with Kelly Robak’s woman—
Oh God, where had
that
one come from?
Definitely not his woman,
definitely
not, because for one, he would totally say something like that.
Going to see my woman, tonight,
he’d say. And all his meathead caveman friends would probably call me that, too.
I have a name,
I’d say.
Then I realized I was getting bent out of shape over the way I might be treated by
a man who quite possibly had no designs on me, in a theoretical romantic relationship
I didn’t even want to share with him.
Clearly, I was still drunk. Only possible explanation. First thing I’d do on my day
off would be to find a shiny new water bottle and make it a point to stay more hydrated.
Yes, that’d solve my Kelly problems. Stay hydrated, stay sober, stay free of horny
thoughts about my coworker.
It wasn’t long before that resolve was tested. I saw Kelly an hour later in the hand-off
meeting. He said good morning to me, nothing in his expression or tone suggesting
we’d forged some profound bond the night before. Since of course we hadn’t. He was
firmly back in work mode, a big gray human wall of calm. If only parts of me didn’t
have such a distracting urge to climb him.
The morning went smoothly enough, and I spent the first couple of hours shadowing
Jenny again. Then at ten I headed across campus to the Warbler building for restraint
training.
The class took place in a small gymnasium, a nice little setup with a basketball hoop,
yoga balls, a weights set, sports equipment. A large senior nurse named Audra was
leading the three-session course.
A stocky fortysomething, Audra proved herself surprisingly spry, kicking off the class
by having a male orderly pretend to attack her, then breaking forcefully from his
choke hold. I found the display more unnerving than reassuring, as all I could imagine
afterward was being violently attacked from behind.
“Everyone awake now?” she asked through a laugh, face pink from the performance. “Good!
I’m Nurse Audra, and I’ve been at Larkhaven for sixteen years, not a one of them as
a patient, if you can believe that! I’ve worked in every single building and on every
single ward, including the locked unit. Anybody here this morning from Starling?”
I was alone in raising my hand.
“Excellent, excellent. You’re all here for one reason—restraints. And if you came
hoping this’ll be about straightjackets, well tough beans! We’re talking about the
act of physically restraining a patient in order to sedate them. Lemme say first and
foremost, de-escalation is always preferable to a takedown—safer for us and the patients,
and you can imagine it makes for a more harmonious environment. But restraints are
still skills we all need for those worst-case scenarios.
“Now the key to effective restraints and breaks is all in the technique, and I’m going
to show you all how even a tiny little woman like . . .” She prompted me with a nod.
“Erin,” I supplied, annoyed by how many diminutives she’d employed.
“How even a tiny little woman like Erin here can protect herself from attacks by a
resident, even one twice her size and suffering from a psychotic episode. Of course,
ideally, none of you will ever find yourselves in that position without fellow staffers
on hand to come to your aid . . .”
My attention wavered then, as Kelly and two other
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