thrilled that you chose to trust me, to let
me in.”
I felt my jaw drop open
a little. “Do not psychoanalyze me, Hayden. How could you make this
about me? We were talking about you , don’t change the
subject.” My breathing increased in response to my rising anger. He
was talking about me, and he nailed it. I didn’t like to hear the
truth, or so my dad told me on more than one occasion. Still, we were
talking about him, and I would think if I was going to be with him
forever, that I’d have a right to know just what I was getting
into. Why did he keep closing down every time I asked about Hunters?
I learned more about it from Luke; he was always open with me, he
practically flaunted it. Then it hit me. Pride . “You’re
ashamed,” I exhaled in realization.
He closed his eyes
briefly and his jaw muscle twitched. “Of course I’m ashamed. I
know I can’t be who you need me to be.”
“You are everything I
need you to be.” Little did he know that I was afraid I couldn’t
be who he needed me to be. Could I be like Hayden’s mom, Elizabeth?
Could I be immortal? I shook my head to clear those negative
thoughts. “I love you.” I said my last thought out loud then
turned to open the car door.
I could hear Hayden
sigh from inside. “Do you want to know who I am?” he asked before
I could shut the car door. “I am not really living. Everything
about me is an illusion. I eat, but I don’t have to. I breathe, but
I don’t have to. I sleep, but I don’t need to. Everything about
me is an act to make me appear human. For you. Even my heartbeat. The
same heartbeat that you love to listen to while lying on my chest at
night, the heart beat that puts you to sleep. The only reason I keep
it beating is because of you. Is that what you wanted to hear? Have a
good day at work, Ana.”
The door slipped out
from my fingers and shut as the car sped off. I stared at the car in
shock as it disappeared into the distance. What, had I hoped that
Hayden would sit in the car and wait until I had finished work? I
certainly had a lot to think about; Hayden was pissed and revealed
more about himself than he ever had before. The things that I loved
about him were illusions? No, I didn’t believe it. I loved Hayden
for who he was, not his body. If I was upset about it, that would
make me shallow. I laughed awkwardly to myself; yes liking someone
because of their human traits is shallow. Nevertheless, I
couldn’t deny that it bothered me. Hayden made me feel whole, he
made me feel normal. That wasn’t an illusion, was it?
I walked across the
docks absentmindedly until I got to the warehouse that contained the
dive shop. My dad picked a great day for me to start working. My
dream, my sort-of fight with Hayden, it would all have to wait. And I
would have to endure the next few hours agonizing over it, dissecting
our conversation, deciphering the dream.
“Hello?” I
regretted the nervousness in my voice as I called out into the empty
warehouse.
“In here,” a small
voice answered. I followed the sound as I stepped into a makeshift
office.
“Mr. Christian,” I
felt my relief as he came over to give me a hug.
“Hey, Adriana. How
you been, sweetheart?”
“Oh, you know…” I
stated ambiguously, not sure what kind of information my dad gave up
to my uncle-like friend.
“Well I appreciate
you comin’. Lord knows we’ve had a lot to do since 'It' hit us.”
“My dad didn’t tell
me what exactly you need me for.”
“Here, have a seat.”
Christian cleared papers and dusted off a small folding chair, then
went around to sit on the other side of the desk. “Besides the
usual inspections, there is salvaging and cutting down wood pilings.”
“Okay, so what do you
need me to do? Answer phones?”
“A true comedian,
Ana. You know your father didn’t answer no phones. Plus you have
more experience than most of the new temporary guys we got.”
I groaned quietly. If I
was going to be scuba diving, that would
me in.”
I felt my jaw drop open
a little. “Do not psychoanalyze me, Hayden. How could you make this
about me? We were talking about you , don’t change the
subject.” My breathing increased in response to my rising anger. He
was talking about me, and he nailed it. I didn’t like to hear the
truth, or so my dad told me on more than one occasion. Still, we were
talking about him, and I would think if I was going to be with him
forever, that I’d have a right to know just what I was getting
into. Why did he keep closing down every time I asked about Hunters?
I learned more about it from Luke; he was always open with me, he
practically flaunted it. Then it hit me. Pride . “You’re
ashamed,” I exhaled in realization.
He closed his eyes
briefly and his jaw muscle twitched. “Of course I’m ashamed. I
know I can’t be who you need me to be.”
“You are everything I
need you to be.” Little did he know that I was afraid I couldn’t
be who he needed me to be. Could I be like Hayden’s mom, Elizabeth?
Could I be immortal? I shook my head to clear those negative
thoughts. “I love you.” I said my last thought out loud then
turned to open the car door.
I could hear Hayden
sigh from inside. “Do you want to know who I am?” he asked before
I could shut the car door. “I am not really living. Everything
about me is an illusion. I eat, but I don’t have to. I breathe, but
I don’t have to. I sleep, but I don’t need to. Everything about
me is an act to make me appear human. For you. Even my heartbeat. The
same heartbeat that you love to listen to while lying on my chest at
night, the heart beat that puts you to sleep. The only reason I keep
it beating is because of you. Is that what you wanted to hear? Have a
good day at work, Ana.”
The door slipped out
from my fingers and shut as the car sped off. I stared at the car in
shock as it disappeared into the distance. What, had I hoped that
Hayden would sit in the car and wait until I had finished work? I
certainly had a lot to think about; Hayden was pissed and revealed
more about himself than he ever had before. The things that I loved
about him were illusions? No, I didn’t believe it. I loved Hayden
for who he was, not his body. If I was upset about it, that would
make me shallow. I laughed awkwardly to myself; yes liking someone
because of their human traits is shallow. Nevertheless, I
couldn’t deny that it bothered me. Hayden made me feel whole, he
made me feel normal. That wasn’t an illusion, was it?
I walked across the
docks absentmindedly until I got to the warehouse that contained the
dive shop. My dad picked a great day for me to start working. My
dream, my sort-of fight with Hayden, it would all have to wait. And I
would have to endure the next few hours agonizing over it, dissecting
our conversation, deciphering the dream.
“Hello?” I
regretted the nervousness in my voice as I called out into the empty
warehouse.
“In here,” a small
voice answered. I followed the sound as I stepped into a makeshift
office.
“Mr. Christian,” I
felt my relief as he came over to give me a hug.
“Hey, Adriana. How
you been, sweetheart?”
“Oh, you know…” I
stated ambiguously, not sure what kind of information my dad gave up
to my uncle-like friend.
“Well I appreciate
you comin’. Lord knows we’ve had a lot to do since 'It' hit us.”
“My dad didn’t tell
me what exactly you need me for.”
“Here, have a seat.”
Christian cleared papers and dusted off a small folding chair, then
went around to sit on the other side of the desk. “Besides the
usual inspections, there is salvaging and cutting down wood pilings.”
“Okay, so what do you
need me to do? Answer phones?”
“A true comedian,
Ana. You know your father didn’t answer no phones. Plus you have
more experience than most of the new temporary guys we got.”
I groaned quietly. If I
was going to be scuba diving, that would
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