What is the Point of Big Brothers?
B efore we start, have you got a big brother? If you do then youâre going to LOVE this book.Even if you donât have one, I bet youâll be nodding as you read it saying to yourself, âWell done Agatha, wahoo! Go for it girl . . .â especially right at the end when James gets turned into a mushroom. Oh, sorry about that, thatâs supposed to be the surprise ending. Youâll have to forget the mushroom bit now until you get to it.
(Gosh, I just had a thought â you might actually be a big brotheryourself. But if you are I bet youâre really cool and always offer your sweets round and never hog the computer to play stupid video games. So this book isnât at all about you! I promise promise promise it isnât, so keep reading.)
Anyway, my name is Agatha Jane Parrot and thanks for reading this book! As you might have guessed I HAVE got a big brother whoâs called James. He gets calledsome other things too but the old bloke who is typing this story out for me says weâre not allowed to put words like that in a book or you wouldnât be allowed to read it ha ha!
Itâs very hard to think of anything good about having a big brother, and if you donât believe me then ask the QUEEN. If she had a big brother then she wouldnât be queen, because he would get to beking instead, even if she was really nice and he was totally horrible. The big brother king could choose which bedroom he wanted in the palace and heâd get all the best jobs like launching ships and going to see brand new films. Even at dinner time theyâd never take turns as to who gets the sauce first, it would always be him.
I bet the Queen would be desperate to turn her big brotherinto a mushroom because then heâd be King Mushroom the First ha ha! (Sorry, I didnât mean to remind you about the mushroom bit so youâll just have to forget it again.)
Of course nobody minds having LITTLE brothers. My friend Ellie Slippin at number 9 has two twin ones and theyâre dead funny because like all little kids their heads are a bit too big for their bodies so when they run they canât do corners very fast and they end up banging into the wall BAM! Later on in the story thereâs a bit where the twins both bang their heads on a bucket which is dead funny too but wehavenât got there yet.
Unfortunately for me, James isnât the little funny type of brother, heâs the big smelly evil type. Just to prove it, hereâs a list of evil things he did last week with marks out of ten for evilnessity:
MONDAY: He came in from football all muddy and then sat on MY bed and then Mum blamed ME for it (6/10).
TUESDAY: He grabbed mypacket of crisps and scrunched them up into mush before I could eat them (4/10).
WEDNESDAY: When we were getting ready to go to school he stood outside the bathroom and twiddled the door handle all the time when I was inside which put me off doing anything and I ended up having to go out of class in the middle of quiet reading time and Ivy Malting who sits next to me held her breath allthe time I was away which made everybody laugh when I came back because she was blue in the cheeks and rolling about which I admit was pretty funny so we love Ivy WAHOO GO IVY but we do NOT love James (9/10).
THURSDAY: He spent all day just generally being a boy (2/10). (Actually he does this every day, but I know he canât help it so I only gave him 2/10.)
FRIDAY: He finished off the lemonade without asking, and then he did a big burp right in my face (7/10).
Of course this is the sort of thing that everybody with a big brother has to put up with, but when it got to Saturday James did his most evil crime EVER . (It has to score 11/10 at least.)
Before you look at the next chapter to read about it, donât forget that youhave to forget about James getting turned into a mushroom or itâll ruin the end for you. Have you forgotten
B efore we start, have you got a big brother? If you do then youâre going to LOVE this book.Even if you donât have one, I bet youâll be nodding as you read it saying to yourself, âWell done Agatha, wahoo! Go for it girl . . .â especially right at the end when James gets turned into a mushroom. Oh, sorry about that, thatâs supposed to be the surprise ending. Youâll have to forget the mushroom bit now until you get to it.
(Gosh, I just had a thought â you might actually be a big brotheryourself. But if you are I bet youâre really cool and always offer your sweets round and never hog the computer to play stupid video games. So this book isnât at all about you! I promise promise promise it isnât, so keep reading.)
Anyway, my name is Agatha Jane Parrot and thanks for reading this book! As you might have guessed I HAVE got a big brother whoâs called James. He gets calledsome other things too but the old bloke who is typing this story out for me says weâre not allowed to put words like that in a book or you wouldnât be allowed to read it ha ha!
Itâs very hard to think of anything good about having a big brother, and if you donât believe me then ask the QUEEN. If she had a big brother then she wouldnât be queen, because he would get to beking instead, even if she was really nice and he was totally horrible. The big brother king could choose which bedroom he wanted in the palace and heâd get all the best jobs like launching ships and going to see brand new films. Even at dinner time theyâd never take turns as to who gets the sauce first, it would always be him.
I bet the Queen would be desperate to turn her big brotherinto a mushroom because then heâd be King Mushroom the First ha ha! (Sorry, I didnât mean to remind you about the mushroom bit so youâll just have to forget it again.)
Of course nobody minds having LITTLE brothers. My friend Ellie Slippin at number 9 has two twin ones and theyâre dead funny because like all little kids their heads are a bit too big for their bodies so when they run they canât do corners very fast and they end up banging into the wall BAM! Later on in the story thereâs a bit where the twins both bang their heads on a bucket which is dead funny too but wehavenât got there yet.
Unfortunately for me, James isnât the little funny type of brother, heâs the big smelly evil type. Just to prove it, hereâs a list of evil things he did last week with marks out of ten for evilnessity:
MONDAY: He came in from football all muddy and then sat on MY bed and then Mum blamed ME for it (6/10).
TUESDAY: He grabbed mypacket of crisps and scrunched them up into mush before I could eat them (4/10).
WEDNESDAY: When we were getting ready to go to school he stood outside the bathroom and twiddled the door handle all the time when I was inside which put me off doing anything and I ended up having to go out of class in the middle of quiet reading time and Ivy Malting who sits next to me held her breath allthe time I was away which made everybody laugh when I came back because she was blue in the cheeks and rolling about which I admit was pretty funny so we love Ivy WAHOO GO IVY but we do NOT love James (9/10).
THURSDAY: He spent all day just generally being a boy (2/10). (Actually he does this every day, but I know he canât help it so I only gave him 2/10.)
FRIDAY: He finished off the lemonade without asking, and then he did a big burp right in my face (7/10).
Of course this is the sort of thing that everybody with a big brother has to put up with, but when it got to Saturday James did his most evil crime EVER . (It has to score 11/10 at least.)
Before you look at the next chapter to read about it, donât forget that youhave to forget about James getting turned into a mushroom or itâll ruin the end for you. Have you forgotten
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