weren't here for him to bug."
He must've still looked confused, because she went on. "Look. You are going through things none of us can even comprehend. But you're still one of the best people working here. So you're coming in late. So what? You never used to. You'll get there again.
"You just can't rush something like this."
35
At lunch he drove to Burger King and ate in the parking lot with the engine off. On the way back he called his mom and confirmed that he'd be coming to Thanksgiving.
"Okay. Do you want me to call Alina?"
Ian sighed. "No. If she wants to come I'll call her."
"Are you sure? I don't mind -"
"Mom, I don't want you to call my estranged wife and invite her to Thanksgiving. Please. I'm seeing her every Wednesday and I'll talk to her about it then."
"She's still married to you, and she's still part of the family. You two are good for each other. I know what happened was terrible, Ian, but don't let it ruin your marriage."
"Thank you. That's a great idea. I'll keep it in mind."
A stung silence. God dammit.
"Mom, I'm not trying to be mean. But really, you don't think I've thought of that? She's my wife, I love her. Yes. I think she still loves me, okay. But we can't just pretend like nothing's happened. That's not... I'm not gonna do that."
"All right. I'm not trying to nag."
"I know."
In the rearview mirror, Ian saw Alex in his booster. He was looking out the window and kicking the back of Ian's seat.
"I just want you to be happy."
Thump. Thump. Like a squirrel jumping across his back. He twisted around. Alex smiled and waved at him.
"You know?" Mom said.
He faced forward again, slammed on the brakes as he nearly ran a red light.
"Ian?"
"Yup, okay. Bye, Mom." He fumbled at the End Call button.
"Dad, what's that noise? " Alex screamed.
Ian flinched. His phone tumbled between the seats.
"Alex, please don't -"
"Dad, what's that noise? " he yelled again, louder.
"I don't - what noise? What are you -"
"Dad, what's that NOISE? " Alex shrieked, and Ian whipped around in his seat.
"Alex, goddammit, not right now! Not right now! "
The car behind him laid into its horn. The light was green.
He lurched an arm toward the back seat, flailing toward Alex, but couldn't quite reach him. Another honk screeched.
He started across the intersection as Alex screamed again. He turned on the radio, blasted some classic Metallica until he couldn't hear him anymore.
At the office, he left Alex in the car and ran inside.
36
Four times that afternoon he put himself into After Call Work to stop the calls for a minute, and went out to make sure his car was empty. When he went to the bathroom, he expected to find Alex on the toilet. When he came back to his desk, he expected to find him playing in the chair.
He got home as the sun set. To delay going into the house, he detoured and got the mail. The box was nearly overflowing.
He grabbed it all, stuffed it under his arm, and went inside. Flipped the light on right away. Went into the dining room and tossed the mail on the table, where it splayed out like a bug splatting on a windshield.
The mortgage bill. The Visa bill. The other Visa bill. DELINQUENT, the last envelope admonished, in case he'd forgotten.
He snapped up the mortgage bill and ripped it open. He hadn't been able to make a full payment last month, and the balance had carried over. Alina had said she'd keep contributing to the house payments, but he didn't want to bug her with it.
That's all I fucking need, is to call her asking for money. He tossed the bill back on the table, with no idea how he was going to pay it. It knocked aside another envelope, and suddenly, Alex's face smiled at him from a mailer.
MISSING SINCE MARCH, the caption said. LAST SEEN IN HOPKINS .
Another boy's face was
He must've still looked confused, because she went on. "Look. You are going through things none of us can even comprehend. But you're still one of the best people working here. So you're coming in late. So what? You never used to. You'll get there again.
"You just can't rush something like this."
35
At lunch he drove to Burger King and ate in the parking lot with the engine off. On the way back he called his mom and confirmed that he'd be coming to Thanksgiving.
"Okay. Do you want me to call Alina?"
Ian sighed. "No. If she wants to come I'll call her."
"Are you sure? I don't mind -"
"Mom, I don't want you to call my estranged wife and invite her to Thanksgiving. Please. I'm seeing her every Wednesday and I'll talk to her about it then."
"She's still married to you, and she's still part of the family. You two are good for each other. I know what happened was terrible, Ian, but don't let it ruin your marriage."
"Thank you. That's a great idea. I'll keep it in mind."
A stung silence. God dammit.
"Mom, I'm not trying to be mean. But really, you don't think I've thought of that? She's my wife, I love her. Yes. I think she still loves me, okay. But we can't just pretend like nothing's happened. That's not... I'm not gonna do that."
"All right. I'm not trying to nag."
"I know."
In the rearview mirror, Ian saw Alex in his booster. He was looking out the window and kicking the back of Ian's seat.
"I just want you to be happy."
Thump. Thump. Like a squirrel jumping across his back. He twisted around. Alex smiled and waved at him.
"You know?" Mom said.
He faced forward again, slammed on the brakes as he nearly ran a red light.
"Ian?"
"Yup, okay. Bye, Mom." He fumbled at the End Call button.
"Dad, what's that noise? " Alex screamed.
Ian flinched. His phone tumbled between the seats.
"Alex, please don't -"
"Dad, what's that noise? " he yelled again, louder.
"I don't - what noise? What are you -"
"Dad, what's that NOISE? " Alex shrieked, and Ian whipped around in his seat.
"Alex, goddammit, not right now! Not right now! "
The car behind him laid into its horn. The light was green.
He lurched an arm toward the back seat, flailing toward Alex, but couldn't quite reach him. Another honk screeched.
He started across the intersection as Alex screamed again. He turned on the radio, blasted some classic Metallica until he couldn't hear him anymore.
At the office, he left Alex in the car and ran inside.
36
Four times that afternoon he put himself into After Call Work to stop the calls for a minute, and went out to make sure his car was empty. When he went to the bathroom, he expected to find Alex on the toilet. When he came back to his desk, he expected to find him playing in the chair.
He got home as the sun set. To delay going into the house, he detoured and got the mail. The box was nearly overflowing.
He grabbed it all, stuffed it under his arm, and went inside. Flipped the light on right away. Went into the dining room and tossed the mail on the table, where it splayed out like a bug splatting on a windshield.
The mortgage bill. The Visa bill. The other Visa bill. DELINQUENT, the last envelope admonished, in case he'd forgotten.
He snapped up the mortgage bill and ripped it open. He hadn't been able to make a full payment last month, and the balance had carried over. Alina had said she'd keep contributing to the house payments, but he didn't want to bug her with it.
That's all I fucking need, is to call her asking for money. He tossed the bill back on the table, with no idea how he was going to pay it. It knocked aside another envelope, and suddenly, Alex's face smiled at him from a mailer.
MISSING SINCE MARCH, the caption said. LAST SEEN IN HOPKINS .
Another boy's face was
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