azaleas again. Patrick and I started our typical slow walk down the sidewalk, his arm around my waist, but it didn’t seem like old times anymore. Usually I lean against him in an easy, comfortable manner, but this time my body resisted, and I discovered I was walking with my arms folded in front of my chest, as though I were cold.
Patrick looked down at me. “My, aren’t we friendly!” he said.
I managed a smile. “Sorry. Got homework on my mind,” I lied.
“Algebra?”
“That’s later. I haven’t even started it yet.”
“Want me to stick around and help?”
“No, I’ll manage. Lester’s here if I’ve got any questions.”
We walked a little farther. “Great party last night,” Patrick said. “Everyone had a good time.”
“Evidently.” Why is it that even when you know what not to say, you end up saying it?
Patrick gave my waist a little tug. “What’s the matter with you, anyway?”
There was no use in pretending. “I found a photo of you and Penny, Patrick. That’s what’s the matter.”
“Didn’t anyone explain about that picture?” he asked, with not a trace of guilt.
“Well, you certainly didn’t.”
“It was all a pose, Alice! We weren’t even touching! We were just horsing around for laughs.”
“Ho-ho-ho.”
“Karen was going to show it to you, and then you put in another video and I guess we just forgot.”
“And it didn’t occur to you to tell me about it?”
“I forgot about it! Why are you getting so upset?”
I felt stupid and silly, yet still betrayed. “I don’t know. How would you feel if after a party at your place, you found a picture of me kissing Justin or Donald Sheavers?”
“We weren’t kissing!”
“I know it, but—”
“If I found a picture like that, I’d probably pick up the phone and ask you about it.”
“So I’m asking. How come Penny picked you?”
“I don’t know. I just went along for the ride.” Patrick let his arm drop, and a space developed between us there on the sidewalk. “What is this? The third degree? We were just having fun. Isn’t that allowed?”
I felt awful then. Deserted. “Of course, Patrick! It’s just that everyone seems so secretive about it, as though there’s something between you and Penny I’m not supposed to know about.”
“There’s nothing secret. She’s just fun, that’s all.” And when I didn’t answer, he said, “Hey! She’s not you, Alice.”
“I wonder why that doesn’t help.” I knew I shouldn’t have said that.
Patrick thrust his hands in his pockets, and we walked a few minutes in silence. The thrub of my heart seemed to echo in my ears.
“We’re not married, you know,” Patrick said finally, without smiling. “I think I’m still allowed to have friends.”
“Of course you are,” I said, beginning to regret the whole conversation. “I guess I’m acting dumb about it.”
I thought he’d put his arm around me then, glad to be forgiven, but he didn’t.
“I … I don’t want you to think you have to have my permission every time you want to talk to another girl,” I added.
He didn’t answer for a while. We just walked on slowly, a foot apart, but finally he moved closer and then he put one arm around my shoulder. “I’m going to be graduating a year before you do,” he said. “I’ll be away at college. I’ll meet new people, and so will you. We’ve both got to be free to make friends, Alice.”
I could feel tears gathering behind my eyelids, but I managed to hold them back. “I know,” I said. And then, trying to be funny, I added, “but remember our date for New Year’s Eve when we’re both twenty-one. You’ll call me, you said.”
He just laughed. “I’ll put it on the calendar,” he promised.
6
Moving On
When I got on the bus the next morning, Patrick was sitting with the guys in the last row, and Penny was up on her knees, leaning over the back of the seat, talking to Jill and Karen.
“Hi, everybody!” I said, my smile
Patrick looked down at me. “My, aren’t we friendly!” he said.
I managed a smile. “Sorry. Got homework on my mind,” I lied.
“Algebra?”
“That’s later. I haven’t even started it yet.”
“Want me to stick around and help?”
“No, I’ll manage. Lester’s here if I’ve got any questions.”
We walked a little farther. “Great party last night,” Patrick said. “Everyone had a good time.”
“Evidently.” Why is it that even when you know what not to say, you end up saying it?
Patrick gave my waist a little tug. “What’s the matter with you, anyway?”
There was no use in pretending. “I found a photo of you and Penny, Patrick. That’s what’s the matter.”
“Didn’t anyone explain about that picture?” he asked, with not a trace of guilt.
“Well, you certainly didn’t.”
“It was all a pose, Alice! We weren’t even touching! We were just horsing around for laughs.”
“Ho-ho-ho.”
“Karen was going to show it to you, and then you put in another video and I guess we just forgot.”
“And it didn’t occur to you to tell me about it?”
“I forgot about it! Why are you getting so upset?”
I felt stupid and silly, yet still betrayed. “I don’t know. How would you feel if after a party at your place, you found a picture of me kissing Justin or Donald Sheavers?”
“We weren’t kissing!”
“I know it, but—”
“If I found a picture like that, I’d probably pick up the phone and ask you about it.”
“So I’m asking. How come Penny picked you?”
“I don’t know. I just went along for the ride.” Patrick let his arm drop, and a space developed between us there on the sidewalk. “What is this? The third degree? We were just having fun. Isn’t that allowed?”
I felt awful then. Deserted. “Of course, Patrick! It’s just that everyone seems so secretive about it, as though there’s something between you and Penny I’m not supposed to know about.”
“There’s nothing secret. She’s just fun, that’s all.” And when I didn’t answer, he said, “Hey! She’s not you, Alice.”
“I wonder why that doesn’t help.” I knew I shouldn’t have said that.
Patrick thrust his hands in his pockets, and we walked a few minutes in silence. The thrub of my heart seemed to echo in my ears.
“We’re not married, you know,” Patrick said finally, without smiling. “I think I’m still allowed to have friends.”
“Of course you are,” I said, beginning to regret the whole conversation. “I guess I’m acting dumb about it.”
I thought he’d put his arm around me then, glad to be forgiven, but he didn’t.
“I … I don’t want you to think you have to have my permission every time you want to talk to another girl,” I added.
He didn’t answer for a while. We just walked on slowly, a foot apart, but finally he moved closer and then he put one arm around my shoulder. “I’m going to be graduating a year before you do,” he said. “I’ll be away at college. I’ll meet new people, and so will you. We’ve both got to be free to make friends, Alice.”
I could feel tears gathering behind my eyelids, but I managed to hold them back. “I know,” I said. And then, trying to be funny, I added, “but remember our date for New Year’s Eve when we’re both twenty-one. You’ll call me, you said.”
He just laughed. “I’ll put it on the calendar,” he promised.
6
Moving On
When I got on the bus the next morning, Patrick was sitting with the guys in the last row, and Penny was up on her knees, leaning over the back of the seat, talking to Jill and Karen.
“Hi, everybody!” I said, my smile
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