his skin stretched over his bones. He thought about staring at an empty place at the dinner table, a vacant seat in the church pew, of never walking with his father again. It was a promise he couldn’t make. He’d never laugh or smile again. He shook his head and stepped away. “No.”
His father reached for him. “JD—”
“No!” He yanked himself free. “I won’t laugh. I won’t smile. I won’t whistle and you can’t make me ’cause it’s not fair. It’s not fair!” He turned and ran. He knew his father couldn’t catch him. He didn’t want him to. He ran into the nearby woods and stomped on broken branches and kicked a nearby tree then fell to his knees and wept. “I’ll never be happy again,” he whispered, feeling his heart harden. He never wanted to love if it meant losing that person and feeling the terrible pain he felt now.
His father found him nearly twenty minutes later.His face was lined with worry and his voice tinged with fear. “Don’t ever run away from me again.”
JD kept his gaze on the ground. “Yes, sir.”
His father gathered him into his arms and JD felt tears filling his eyes, but this time he didn’t pull away. He hugged him back, wishing he could keep his father alive forever.
“Be strong for me, son,” his father said, his voice cracking with anguish. “Be strong for all of us.”
“I will,” JD said, knowing that was a promise he could keep. He would always be strong.
They left the woods and neither spoke about that conversation again. His father died a month later and as promised, JD looked after his brother, who continued to get into scrapes (nearly got shot for sleeping with a married woman, and was on his fourth job in two years) but nothing too serious.
His brother was now working as a building manager at one of JD’s properties, and their mother was happy. As promised, he had also used his brain to help others by helping companies grow and, when needed, protecting them from corporate takeovers. He was established and successful and had never sullied his father’s name.
But he knew he wasn’t the man his father was. His father was life embodied. He could sparkle and laugh. JD couldn’t remember the last time he’d been that carefree, but that didn’t bother him. He’d never been lighthearted. It wasn’t his nature and it wasn’t what had gotten him this far.
However, he did like to make other people happy. Tonight he’d take his grandmother out and treat her to a movie. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d goneout to eat that wasn’t a business meeting. Even when he dined out with Stacy, those meetings always turned to business—her father’s business. But with his grandmother, he knew it would be different. Being with her always lifted his spirits. She was a vibrant woman who, like his father, could find joy in simple things: a sunrise, a spring breeze. She’d urged her husband to buy the farmhouse as a refuge from her job as a professor of mathematics.
“Whenever you hear the gray catbird, think of me.” He remembered his father’s words and the sound of his voice. They seemed to echo in the silence, and for a moment he was a child again looking up at his father’s face. But just as quickly, the image changed and he found himself staring up at a canopy of leaves. He didn’t listen for the sound of the catbird because he didn’t want to think about his father. Instead, he turned and walked back home.
Chapter 5
H e was a man of his word; she had to give him that. Monica watched JD’s car leave. He was on his way to take his grandmother to dinner and a movie. He’d offered to take her along, but Monica had politely refused. She’d stayed out of his presence as much as she could. After their first day together he’d busied himself with training Baxter, talking to his grandmother and roaming the property. Although she cooked dinner for two, they didn’t eat together. She ate in her studio and he ate in the breakfast
His father reached for him. “JD—”
“No!” He yanked himself free. “I won’t laugh. I won’t smile. I won’t whistle and you can’t make me ’cause it’s not fair. It’s not fair!” He turned and ran. He knew his father couldn’t catch him. He didn’t want him to. He ran into the nearby woods and stomped on broken branches and kicked a nearby tree then fell to his knees and wept. “I’ll never be happy again,” he whispered, feeling his heart harden. He never wanted to love if it meant losing that person and feeling the terrible pain he felt now.
His father found him nearly twenty minutes later.His face was lined with worry and his voice tinged with fear. “Don’t ever run away from me again.”
JD kept his gaze on the ground. “Yes, sir.”
His father gathered him into his arms and JD felt tears filling his eyes, but this time he didn’t pull away. He hugged him back, wishing he could keep his father alive forever.
“Be strong for me, son,” his father said, his voice cracking with anguish. “Be strong for all of us.”
“I will,” JD said, knowing that was a promise he could keep. He would always be strong.
They left the woods and neither spoke about that conversation again. His father died a month later and as promised, JD looked after his brother, who continued to get into scrapes (nearly got shot for sleeping with a married woman, and was on his fourth job in two years) but nothing too serious.
His brother was now working as a building manager at one of JD’s properties, and their mother was happy. As promised, he had also used his brain to help others by helping companies grow and, when needed, protecting them from corporate takeovers. He was established and successful and had never sullied his father’s name.
But he knew he wasn’t the man his father was. His father was life embodied. He could sparkle and laugh. JD couldn’t remember the last time he’d been that carefree, but that didn’t bother him. He’d never been lighthearted. It wasn’t his nature and it wasn’t what had gotten him this far.
However, he did like to make other people happy. Tonight he’d take his grandmother out and treat her to a movie. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d goneout to eat that wasn’t a business meeting. Even when he dined out with Stacy, those meetings always turned to business—her father’s business. But with his grandmother, he knew it would be different. Being with her always lifted his spirits. She was a vibrant woman who, like his father, could find joy in simple things: a sunrise, a spring breeze. She’d urged her husband to buy the farmhouse as a refuge from her job as a professor of mathematics.
“Whenever you hear the gray catbird, think of me.” He remembered his father’s words and the sound of his voice. They seemed to echo in the silence, and for a moment he was a child again looking up at his father’s face. But just as quickly, the image changed and he found himself staring up at a canopy of leaves. He didn’t listen for the sound of the catbird because he didn’t want to think about his father. Instead, he turned and walked back home.
Chapter 5
H e was a man of his word; she had to give him that. Monica watched JD’s car leave. He was on his way to take his grandmother to dinner and a movie. He’d offered to take her along, but Monica had politely refused. She’d stayed out of his presence as much as she could. After their first day together he’d busied himself with training Baxter, talking to his grandmother and roaming the property. Although she cooked dinner for two, they didn’t eat together. She ate in her studio and he ate in the breakfast
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