always been attracted to men, but where I’m from, well it’s not socially acceptable. It’s still not really mainstream.”
My eyes bug out and I stare at him like he’s insane.
“I came to LSU because it wasn’t Alabama and I got to be me. Then, I met you. You captivated me. You were gorgeous and sincere and you were so intoxicating… I couldn’t resist. I messed around before you, but I never wanted anything serious. Anything permanent… until you. I love you.”
I can’t help it. I laugh. Is he telling me he loves me and then telling me he cheated on me?! Sorry bub, not buying it.
His eyes are full of pain, but I don’t say a word, I just clench my jaw and stare at him. So, he starts back. “I have a girlfriend… at home. I- I’ve had a girlfriend for five years…”
My knees give out at this statement. I slide down the door until I’m sitting on the floor. I look at him in horror. “ A girlfriend? You have a girlfriend?”
Tears are rolling down his face as he nods. “Yes, I have a girlfriend. Phoebe. She’s great. And sweet and innocent. Over the holidays, we spent a lot of time together. We… I… she’s what’s expected of me and I do love her.”
I can’t take it. I just want him to spit it out. Cutting him off with a rude gesture, I stand back up. “Out with it, Joe. Get out what it is you’re trying to say.”
He looks at me, and I see the confusion on his face, but I don’t care. He speaks again. I can barely hear him over the roaring in my ears and the buzzing in my head. I know what he’s going to say. And then he says it. “I asked her to marry me. We’re engaged, Erik. I’m sorry.”
Walking over to him, I lean down and pull him up so he’s also standing. He’s just looking at me, defeated. I want to punch him, but I won’t. As my heart crumbles into pieces on the floor, I look at the first man who ever made me love him, and I say with finality, “I don’t think you know what love is, Joe. You used two people for your own selfish gain. She loves you and I love you. You made me love you. You pushed and pushed, like you had the right… but, fuck you, that’s over now. We’re over now. What did you think was going to happen? Did you think you could have us both? Does she know about me?”
Shaking his head, he says, “No. She doesn’t. She wouldn’t be able to handle that.”
Laughing again, I mutter as I walk to the door. “You’re pathetic and she deserves to know. If you’re going to marry this girl, and since you love her, she deserves to know! You’re dead to me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t contact me. Don’t even let me see you look at me. Because, from this moment forward… you do not exist .” Grabbing the door and wrenching it open, I stumble into the hall. As it’s closing, I hear Joe whisper, “I’m sorry, Erik.”
Sorry doesn’t cut it, Joe.
Forgetting all about the girls and Micah, I make it back to the dorms, find Micah’s liquor, and get completely wasted.
First love… fuck it.
I pass out.
Chapter Nine
Bradi
Six years ago
L exi drags me to the frat party, even though I really don’t want to be here. The last time I was here, I screwed a guy I detested on the couch, and the man I loved walked in and saw it. Yeah, I don’t want to be here.
Bradi, you’re disgusting. You’re worse than your mother. At least she never intentionally hurt anyone. But then again, she was smart enough after that asshole not to ever fall in love again.
He hates me. I know he hates me. I hate me. What the fuck am I doing here? I can’t do this.
Lexi, in true Lexi form, knows what I’m thinking and she takes my hand and wraps her fingers around mine. “I’m here, Bradi. Right beside you. You need to do this.”
Looking at her with terror in my eyes, I try not to cry. I’ve cried enough. “Lexi, he hates me and he has every right to. I hate me, too. I don’t know why I’m here. He won’t forgive me.”
Smiling sadly, she says, “Love is
My eyes bug out and I stare at him like he’s insane.
“I came to LSU because it wasn’t Alabama and I got to be me. Then, I met you. You captivated me. You were gorgeous and sincere and you were so intoxicating… I couldn’t resist. I messed around before you, but I never wanted anything serious. Anything permanent… until you. I love you.”
I can’t help it. I laugh. Is he telling me he loves me and then telling me he cheated on me?! Sorry bub, not buying it.
His eyes are full of pain, but I don’t say a word, I just clench my jaw and stare at him. So, he starts back. “I have a girlfriend… at home. I- I’ve had a girlfriend for five years…”
My knees give out at this statement. I slide down the door until I’m sitting on the floor. I look at him in horror. “ A girlfriend? You have a girlfriend?”
Tears are rolling down his face as he nods. “Yes, I have a girlfriend. Phoebe. She’s great. And sweet and innocent. Over the holidays, we spent a lot of time together. We… I… she’s what’s expected of me and I do love her.”
I can’t take it. I just want him to spit it out. Cutting him off with a rude gesture, I stand back up. “Out with it, Joe. Get out what it is you’re trying to say.”
He looks at me, and I see the confusion on his face, but I don’t care. He speaks again. I can barely hear him over the roaring in my ears and the buzzing in my head. I know what he’s going to say. And then he says it. “I asked her to marry me. We’re engaged, Erik. I’m sorry.”
Walking over to him, I lean down and pull him up so he’s also standing. He’s just looking at me, defeated. I want to punch him, but I won’t. As my heart crumbles into pieces on the floor, I look at the first man who ever made me love him, and I say with finality, “I don’t think you know what love is, Joe. You used two people for your own selfish gain. She loves you and I love you. You made me love you. You pushed and pushed, like you had the right… but, fuck you, that’s over now. We’re over now. What did you think was going to happen? Did you think you could have us both? Does she know about me?”
Shaking his head, he says, “No. She doesn’t. She wouldn’t be able to handle that.”
Laughing again, I mutter as I walk to the door. “You’re pathetic and she deserves to know. If you’re going to marry this girl, and since you love her, she deserves to know! You’re dead to me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t contact me. Don’t even let me see you look at me. Because, from this moment forward… you do not exist .” Grabbing the door and wrenching it open, I stumble into the hall. As it’s closing, I hear Joe whisper, “I’m sorry, Erik.”
Sorry doesn’t cut it, Joe.
Forgetting all about the girls and Micah, I make it back to the dorms, find Micah’s liquor, and get completely wasted.
First love… fuck it.
I pass out.
Chapter Nine
Bradi
Six years ago
L exi drags me to the frat party, even though I really don’t want to be here. The last time I was here, I screwed a guy I detested on the couch, and the man I loved walked in and saw it. Yeah, I don’t want to be here.
Bradi, you’re disgusting. You’re worse than your mother. At least she never intentionally hurt anyone. But then again, she was smart enough after that asshole not to ever fall in love again.
He hates me. I know he hates me. I hate me. What the fuck am I doing here? I can’t do this.
Lexi, in true Lexi form, knows what I’m thinking and she takes my hand and wraps her fingers around mine. “I’m here, Bradi. Right beside you. You need to do this.”
Looking at her with terror in my eyes, I try not to cry. I’ve cried enough. “Lexi, he hates me and he has every right to. I hate me, too. I don’t know why I’m here. He won’t forgive me.”
Smiling sadly, she says, “Love is
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