Possessing Jessie by Nancy Springer

awhile.
    â€œI’ve been holding down a job and mostly stable for almost six months now,” he remarked.
    â€œAnd?” She smiled at him.
    â€œAnd I’ve been thinking–maybe …”
    â€œGo on.”
    â€œI feel almost ready to face my kids now.” Damn, what a fool he’d been. He wouldn’t go off the deep end ever again if he could just have his children back in his life. The divorce had given him visitation rights, of course, but try telling that to his ex. She never called to let him know how his son and daughter were doing, and when he tried to phone her, or them, his call was blocked. He had called from other numbers only to have her hang up on him. And she was always the one to answer the phone. Always had been. The house was her domain, and she reigned there.
    For the same queen-of-her-small-realm reason, she was always the one to bring in the mail. He had written to both Jason and Jessie several times, but he felt sure they had not received the letters, because he had never heard back from either of them. When he tried to call them on their cell phones, he got a wonking voice telling him the numbers were no longer in service. Probably their doting mother had upscaled them to BlackBerries or something, and even their own father had no way of finding out their numbers.
    â€œI believe I suggested you should contact a lawyer to help you insist on your parental rights?”
    â€œUm, yeah, but I haven’t done it yet.”
    â€œWhy not?”
    â€œI–I want to get past that six-month mark.” Then he’d feel strong enough, he hoped. Damn, probably both the kids thought he didn’t care about them anymore. No way could they have any idea how badly he wanted to contact them if he could just feel a little steadier on his feet. This was Jessie’s senior year. She might very well be her class valedictiorian, and he would be there for her graduation–it was a promise he had made to himself and, although she didn’t yet know it, to her. Plus, he could hardly wait to see Jason again.
    Jason. What a son! Strong, and knew what he wanted from the first day he stood on his feet. You could bet Jason had never been bullied the way his father had been. One hell of a wrestler, and the best-looking boy in town, and the kid had probably been in the pants of every girl in the high school by now. Damn, it was hard not to be rooster-proud of Jason, although Mr. Ressler realized guiltily that he ought to worry, to hope the boy didn’t get a girl pregnant or leave a trail of abortions and broken hearts. Because, to tell the truth, Jason wouldn’t care. Jason was about as self-centered as they come, what with the way his mother had spoiled him. Mr. Ressler had seen this, but he’d never had the heart to try to reduce the magnitude of Jason’s ego, so much the opposite of his own. He adored his son. There was something larger-than-life about Jason.
    And Jessie adored Jason the same way, but what was more important, Jessie had adored him , her father, when he was still in her life.
    The therapist was saying, “Do you really think an arbitrary date will make that much difference?”
    â€œI–I can’t delay much longer, I know, but I need to feel ready.”
    â€œThe word ‘stalling’ comes to mind. You may never feel ready. Don’t you think your children love you regardless?”
    â€œI, um, yes, I guess so, but I don’t want to do anything that would make them ashamed of me.”
    â€œWhy would you? Weren’t you a good father before?”
    â€œI tried to be.” Especially with Jessie, taking her on father-daughter “dates” to the zoo or a movie, plus ice cream or pizza, trying to make up for the way the little girl’s mother just didn’t take much interest in her. It made him ache to the core when he thought about her, when he missed her and realized how badly she must miss him. And how