Always and Forever by Soraya Lane Page A

have nowhere to sleep.”
    The bartender shrugged. “Not my problem, pal. I’ll push the button and unlock it if you want to crash in there, but I’m keeping the keys.”
    Matt threw them on the counter and staggered out. Tonight there would be no Lisa giving him a hard time about staying out too late, no explosive argument followed by him begging to be let in the house. She liked making him sleep on the sofa when she was angry, but not tonight. Because tonight his wife was alone in bed, recovering still, depressed still. And instead of being with her, he’d given up and gone out.
    If he hadn’t felt like shit before, he sure as hell did now. All because he didn’t know how the hell to deal with a wife who had had the same goddamn disease his mom had. And thinking about losing Lisa was impossible. All he wanted was his wife, and yet all she seemed to care about was what they’d lost.
    She has no idea what it’s like to lose the battle with cancer . Matt staggered, wished he’d had one more drink, another to block out the thoughts, to force him into oblivion. If his wife had seen what he’d gone through as a kid, maybe then she’d understand. Maybe. Right now he had no idea what was going through her head, and it felt like he never would.

    “Where were you last night?” Lisa tucked her hair behind her ear, wishing she’d washed it. She was used to her hair feeling soft and bouncy, not lank like it was right now.
    “Uh, it was a rough night,” Matt answered, eyes downcast, voice husky. “Sorry.”
    She didn’t say anything. What was she going to say? That he should have been home with his recovering wife who was about as fun as abucket of sick right now? There were so many things she could have said with a barbed tongue, but she didn’t. A few months ago, she would have headed out with a few girls if he was planning a boys’ night, but now she didn’t want to do anything.
    “Who were you out with?” she asked, hating how needy she sounded.
    “Uh, a few of the guys.”
    She couldn’t decide if he looked guilty or just remorseful. “I needed you,” she said, her voice cracking.
    Matt stared at her and she looked away.
    “You’ve been designing?” he asked as he walked past.
    Lisa held her breath. He stank of alcohol. She looked down at the notebook open on the blanket, pencil lost beneath the covers somewhere.
    “Yeah. Was better than lying awake worrying about you.” And designing was the only thing making her feel alive right now, so of course she’d been designing.
    He looked guilty. “Look, I crashed in the Chevy for the night. I’d had a few too many.”
    At least he hadn’t driven home drunk. Truth was, she didn’t care, not like she normally would, even though she was interrogating him. If he’d stayed out all night a few months ago, she’d have been beside herself thinking he’d had a car accident or something, but last night she’d almost wondered if he was gone for good, sick of looking after her and dealing with a depressed wife who couldn’t even crack a smile without a huge effort anymore.
    “Is there, uh, anything I can get you?” Matt asked, standing in the doorway with his thumbs looped through his jeans.
    “I’m fine.” She was going to snap that him having a shower would be nice but she bit her tongue. He could say the same to her.
    “Come on, you need to eat. How about bacon and eggs?” He waggled his eyebrows before giving her a wink.
    “Maybe just some toast,” she said, trying hard to smile back.
    When he left, she forced her legs out of bed, pushed her toes down onto the soft, plush carpet. What she hadn’t told Matt was that his being out all night hadn’t been okay. She’d sat awake, wondering what he was doing, where he was. She’d called him and he hadn’t bothered to answer. So she’d told the dog to get up on the bed and snuggled into him, waiting, hoping she hadn’t been so depressed and dark that she’d pushed her husband away for good.