said.
“How are you?” Jack asked Nick.
“Hanging in there. I refuse to freak out until I know exactly what’s going on. I’ve done a little bit of research since I got home here, and Addy might be just fine. Or, if the cancer is really aggressive and serious, she can go into a clinical trial. There are other ways of treating her cancer, not just with chemo, radiation and surgery. I'm just going to have to do as much research as possible, so that Scotty and I can make an informed choice. In the meantime, I’m also going to contact another doctor, our regular doctor, to get a referral for a second opinion. I won’t just rest on my laurels here.”
“Let’s sit down,” Jack said, leading me over to my couch. “Okay, now, Scotty, tell me what’s on your mind here. I mean, I know that you’re really freaking out. I get that. But Nick is right. You guys don’t know anything just yet, do you? Maybe you can take a deep breath and freak out when there’s really reason to freak out.”
Jack and I sat on the couch, and Nick brought out a cool rag. I put the rag on my face, and I looked in the mirror that was across the room. I looked blotchy and my eyes were completely red and bloodshot. I could barely recognize myself.
Jack looked at Nick. “Listen, Nick, I know that things aren’t easy for you. I want you to know what you can fall apart, too. I’ll be here to pick up the pieces for both of you.”
“I’m going to be okay,” Nick said, but I knew differently. Nick was always good at hiding what he was truly feeling. My therapist told me that Nick was the type who stuffed his feelings down, so that he not only seemed like he didn’t get upset about things, but he actually didn’t get that upset. I knew, however, that, deep down, Nick was as sensitive as anybody. He might not cry, but I could always tell when things were affecting him. Right at that moment, as I looked into his blue eyes, I could see that he was feeling awful about the whole situation.
“Okay, Scotty, now tell me what you’re feeling.” Jack was always good at getting me to verbalized my emotions, and he was always good at handling them. It was a skill that he had that Nick didn’t always possess, so I was always grateful to have Jack in my life.
“Jack, I feel helpless. Like when I was a little girl and my mom was drinking so much. Like that. I remember how I desperately wanted her to change. I needed to affect something around me in some small way, and I just couldn’t. And then when Mr. Lucas was doing what he was doing, I was helpless again. And now….” I shook my head. “Now there’s something out there, something that I can’t really do anything about. I wish that I could trade places with her. I want so desperately to be able to take away all the pain and fear that she’s going to face, and take it on myself. Take it all.”
I felt better already talking to Jack. My blood pressure was decreasing and I no longer felt like I was about to burst into tears. I was able to tell him about my greatest fears, and that was something that I was desperate to do.
“Scotty, I know that you feel helpless. So maybe you need to be proactive,” Jack said.
“I am, of course. I’m going to be involved with her treatment 100%. I'll be doing all the research for it too. But let’s face it – there’s only so much I can do. That’s the problem. I don’t know what the outcome is going to be, and I can’t make sure that she’s safe and is going to come out of this.”
Nick came over and sat on the other side of me on the couch. He put his arm around me, and Jack was holding one of my hands. I put my head on Nick’s shoulder and I breathed in his scent. I realized how lucky I was to have Nick and Jack right there on my side. I knew that there were plenty of women who went through what I was about to without anybody being there. And Addy was lucky, too, in a way. She had access to the best doctors. She had so many people by her
“How are you?” Jack asked Nick.
“Hanging in there. I refuse to freak out until I know exactly what’s going on. I’ve done a little bit of research since I got home here, and Addy might be just fine. Or, if the cancer is really aggressive and serious, she can go into a clinical trial. There are other ways of treating her cancer, not just with chemo, radiation and surgery. I'm just going to have to do as much research as possible, so that Scotty and I can make an informed choice. In the meantime, I’m also going to contact another doctor, our regular doctor, to get a referral for a second opinion. I won’t just rest on my laurels here.”
“Let’s sit down,” Jack said, leading me over to my couch. “Okay, now, Scotty, tell me what’s on your mind here. I mean, I know that you’re really freaking out. I get that. But Nick is right. You guys don’t know anything just yet, do you? Maybe you can take a deep breath and freak out when there’s really reason to freak out.”
Jack and I sat on the couch, and Nick brought out a cool rag. I put the rag on my face, and I looked in the mirror that was across the room. I looked blotchy and my eyes were completely red and bloodshot. I could barely recognize myself.
Jack looked at Nick. “Listen, Nick, I know that things aren’t easy for you. I want you to know what you can fall apart, too. I’ll be here to pick up the pieces for both of you.”
“I’m going to be okay,” Nick said, but I knew differently. Nick was always good at hiding what he was truly feeling. My therapist told me that Nick was the type who stuffed his feelings down, so that he not only seemed like he didn’t get upset about things, but he actually didn’t get that upset. I knew, however, that, deep down, Nick was as sensitive as anybody. He might not cry, but I could always tell when things were affecting him. Right at that moment, as I looked into his blue eyes, I could see that he was feeling awful about the whole situation.
“Okay, Scotty, now tell me what you’re feeling.” Jack was always good at getting me to verbalized my emotions, and he was always good at handling them. It was a skill that he had that Nick didn’t always possess, so I was always grateful to have Jack in my life.
“Jack, I feel helpless. Like when I was a little girl and my mom was drinking so much. Like that. I remember how I desperately wanted her to change. I needed to affect something around me in some small way, and I just couldn’t. And then when Mr. Lucas was doing what he was doing, I was helpless again. And now….” I shook my head. “Now there’s something out there, something that I can’t really do anything about. I wish that I could trade places with her. I want so desperately to be able to take away all the pain and fear that she’s going to face, and take it on myself. Take it all.”
I felt better already talking to Jack. My blood pressure was decreasing and I no longer felt like I was about to burst into tears. I was able to tell him about my greatest fears, and that was something that I was desperate to do.
“Scotty, I know that you feel helpless. So maybe you need to be proactive,” Jack said.
“I am, of course. I’m going to be involved with her treatment 100%. I'll be doing all the research for it too. But let’s face it – there’s only so much I can do. That’s the problem. I don’t know what the outcome is going to be, and I can’t make sure that she’s safe and is going to come out of this.”
Nick came over and sat on the other side of me on the couch. He put his arm around me, and Jack was holding one of my hands. I put my head on Nick’s shoulder and I breathed in his scent. I realized how lucky I was to have Nick and Jack right there on my side. I knew that there were plenty of women who went through what I was about to without anybody being there. And Addy was lucky, too, in a way. She had access to the best doctors. She had so many people by her
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