ourselves human beings in the sense that we have previously understood the term; instead, we would be creatures that can transform themselves into one thing today and another tomorrow, all according to the urges of their imaginations. `Creatures' is already saying too much; we would be merely changing manifestations of that boundless drive."
No one interrupted him; yet, although everyone was listening intently, they seemed to be regarding his statements purely as an interesting dinner conversation and waiting for a witty conclusion. Otherwise they would have had to be frightened.
"And toward which view do you lean?" the hostess asked, and her words were like a warm breath.
"As bizarre as it may sound, my dear ... " he replied. But the name? He must have used a name? "I believe that we are dealing with a hallucination. What puzzles me most is that, according to the clocks, this event can have lasted barely a second. My watch is still running. I wound it last night before going to bed. The timepieces of our male and female friends are still running steadfastly. The same holds for the church clocks. And they all tell the same time. What can be more conscientious than a clock? How praiseworthy of us to have invented and constructed the clock! And now we are supposed to assume that clocks, the sun, and our heartbeat came to a pause, during which the notion of time was suspended? A pause? A moment of unconsciousness? And how long did that pause go on, we must instantly ask. We have no choice. What if this pause lasted longer than time? But that is unthinkable. And how are we to behave after that pause? Why, that would spell despair for many people. I said 'bizarre,' and I mean it as follows" (all at once, there was something tender in his words): "I do not consider myself infallible; but the thing for which I can least reproach myself is that I am easily seduced into self-deception by my feelings and the moods of my blood."
He now raised his glass, in which the evening sun was glowing through the red wine, and he drank to the hostess's health.
But then he continued in an ominous tone: "If I therefore have to admit that I too am prey to hallucinations, then this should alter nothing in my conduct. Instead of pursuing the unknown and thereby confirming it, it is better to explore ourselves, which compels us to assume that unknown things exist. The behavior of that old scientist who, upon hearing the news of the eruption of a volcano, promptly hurried over to observe this rare event and thereby lost his life, is, for me, the only conduct worthy of a human being. And I do not wish to discard my habit of being human. If, therefore, a natural catastrophe were to erupt tomorrow — whether a deluge or a collision in space or a disintegration of all solid things, or the transformation of human beings into animals, nay, perhaps into such dream birds as we thought we perceived today — not because I consider it my duty to salvage some of our present knowledge for a future mankind — how would I arrive at such nobility? — but because it is interesting to study the law of the progression of such a deluge and my own concomitant behavior — indeed, that is the sole reason why I wish to survive as the last and only human being. I am ready."
That was a declaration of war. We exchanged looks. How clear and transparent were his eyes, without the slightest warm tinge or dark uncertainty. I was dazzled, and I probed deeper and deeper into his gaze, seeking the bottom of so much clarity. For a long time, I found myself in a vacuum. But at last, I came upon ice. He hated me.
It saddened me greatly. Perhaps I should have avoided it; my father would certainly have avoided it; but I said: "You have forgotten about fear."
"Fear?"
"Yes."
"Are you trying to feign courage by mentioning fear?"
"I simply mentioned it. I do not know why."
"And what is the consequence of your fear?"
"I do not know," I said.
"Could this be possible?" he turned to
No one interrupted him; yet, although everyone was listening intently, they seemed to be regarding his statements purely as an interesting dinner conversation and waiting for a witty conclusion. Otherwise they would have had to be frightened.
"And toward which view do you lean?" the hostess asked, and her words were like a warm breath.
"As bizarre as it may sound, my dear ... " he replied. But the name? He must have used a name? "I believe that we are dealing with a hallucination. What puzzles me most is that, according to the clocks, this event can have lasted barely a second. My watch is still running. I wound it last night before going to bed. The timepieces of our male and female friends are still running steadfastly. The same holds for the church clocks. And they all tell the same time. What can be more conscientious than a clock? How praiseworthy of us to have invented and constructed the clock! And now we are supposed to assume that clocks, the sun, and our heartbeat came to a pause, during which the notion of time was suspended? A pause? A moment of unconsciousness? And how long did that pause go on, we must instantly ask. We have no choice. What if this pause lasted longer than time? But that is unthinkable. And how are we to behave after that pause? Why, that would spell despair for many people. I said 'bizarre,' and I mean it as follows" (all at once, there was something tender in his words): "I do not consider myself infallible; but the thing for which I can least reproach myself is that I am easily seduced into self-deception by my feelings and the moods of my blood."
He now raised his glass, in which the evening sun was glowing through the red wine, and he drank to the hostess's health.
But then he continued in an ominous tone: "If I therefore have to admit that I too am prey to hallucinations, then this should alter nothing in my conduct. Instead of pursuing the unknown and thereby confirming it, it is better to explore ourselves, which compels us to assume that unknown things exist. The behavior of that old scientist who, upon hearing the news of the eruption of a volcano, promptly hurried over to observe this rare event and thereby lost his life, is, for me, the only conduct worthy of a human being. And I do not wish to discard my habit of being human. If, therefore, a natural catastrophe were to erupt tomorrow — whether a deluge or a collision in space or a disintegration of all solid things, or the transformation of human beings into animals, nay, perhaps into such dream birds as we thought we perceived today — not because I consider it my duty to salvage some of our present knowledge for a future mankind — how would I arrive at such nobility? — but because it is interesting to study the law of the progression of such a deluge and my own concomitant behavior — indeed, that is the sole reason why I wish to survive as the last and only human being. I am ready."
That was a declaration of war. We exchanged looks. How clear and transparent were his eyes, without the slightest warm tinge or dark uncertainty. I was dazzled, and I probed deeper and deeper into his gaze, seeking the bottom of so much clarity. For a long time, I found myself in a vacuum. But at last, I came upon ice. He hated me.
It saddened me greatly. Perhaps I should have avoided it; my father would certainly have avoided it; but I said: "You have forgotten about fear."
"Fear?"
"Yes."
"Are you trying to feign courage by mentioning fear?"
"I simply mentioned it. I do not know why."
"And what is the consequence of your fear?"
"I do not know," I said.
"Could this be possible?" he turned to
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