because he jerked his hands from me and yanked down my skirt and panties, thrusting his knee high between my legs. We were too far gone for teasing and foreplay. He scooted me back against the lateral file cabinet behind my desk, pushed down his shorts, and entered me, hard and deep.
I’d never, ever had sex like that before. It wasn’t just that I let go, sobbing and biting and clawing his smooth, muscled back. It was that I had no choice, no control. Just when I thought I’d ridden out the last spasm of my orgasm, just when I would try to bring it down and moderate my breathing, another, bigger wave would knock the sense right out of me. Finally, Dan made a quiet, tense sound in his chest, and I knew he needed something to push him over the edge. I sucked his bottom lip between my teeth, biting it hard, and with a final hoarse groan, he came. Gasping, shaking, we slumped weakly against the file cabinet and made the slow slide down until I was sitting on his lap. It took a while for us to catch our breath, and then I needed to talk.
“Dan.” I leaned back a few inches so I could see his face. “I know you love me. I figured it out this afternoon.”
“Lexi…”
“I love you too.”
“You don’t know what you feel right now. One day you’re with Jack Brogan, the next day you’re with me.”
“Are you saying I’m a slut?”
“No, I’m saying you’re confused.”
“I’m not. I’m not in love with Jack. I never was, not really.”
“You sure acted like it.” His voice was tight.
“I guess I thought I should love him. I mean, I saw his looks and his smarts and his money, and I thought, ‘this is what I should love’. Like he was better than me, and by loving him, I’d be better too.”
“He’s not better than you.”
“I know.”
We were silent for a moment.
“Listen, Lexi…” He pushed my hair behind my ear tenderly, which was both weird and sweet, considering we were slumped half-naked behind my desk. “I came here to thank you for this morning. My mom, she has good days and bad, and—”
“That was a hell of a thank-you.”
“Well, I was really appreciative.”
“When did you start loving me?” I demanded. He was turning into distant, smartass Dan again, and I wasn’t going to let him.
He lifted my hand, kissed my palm. “I don’t know…it’s been a while, I guess.”
“You don’t know? For Christ’s sake, Dan, this is a pretty significant conversation we’re having.”
“When you were transferred to Ed’s group, okay?”
“Oh my God…that was over three years ago!” No way, I couldn’t believe it.
“Lexi, there were fifty junior analysts I could have chosen to come work for me. Why do you think I chose you?”
“I thought it was because of my superior risk analysis skills.”
He began to laugh.
“Shut the hell up!” I slapped his chest.
He pulled me into his arms. “Your risk analysis skills are fine. But they aren’t why I hired you.”
“You hired me because you loved me.” I grinned against his chest.
“Yes.” He didn’t sound as thrilled as I would have liked. “Lexi…I know you think you love me right now, but this is new for you. I think maybe you’re disappointed because things didn’t work out with Jack, and now you have these feelings for me that might be…fleeting.”
“You think I don’t love you? You think I’m some flighty idiot who falls in love as often as she changes underwear? How come you can love me, but I can’t love you back?”
He sighed, closed his eyes. “I just…I don’t think we should move too fast, because I’m not sure that you can love me— “
“But I do!”
“—the way I love you. Madly. Obsessively. So much it scares me.”
I smoothed his hair off his forehead, away from his temples. His eyes, which were normally so dark and sharp, were wide, and I could see the brown when I was this close. “You don’t have a clue how I love you,” I whispered.
He leaned forward and kissed me,
I’d never, ever had sex like that before. It wasn’t just that I let go, sobbing and biting and clawing his smooth, muscled back. It was that I had no choice, no control. Just when I thought I’d ridden out the last spasm of my orgasm, just when I would try to bring it down and moderate my breathing, another, bigger wave would knock the sense right out of me. Finally, Dan made a quiet, tense sound in his chest, and I knew he needed something to push him over the edge. I sucked his bottom lip between my teeth, biting it hard, and with a final hoarse groan, he came. Gasping, shaking, we slumped weakly against the file cabinet and made the slow slide down until I was sitting on his lap. It took a while for us to catch our breath, and then I needed to talk.
“Dan.” I leaned back a few inches so I could see his face. “I know you love me. I figured it out this afternoon.”
“Lexi…”
“I love you too.”
“You don’t know what you feel right now. One day you’re with Jack Brogan, the next day you’re with me.”
“Are you saying I’m a slut?”
“No, I’m saying you’re confused.”
“I’m not. I’m not in love with Jack. I never was, not really.”
“You sure acted like it.” His voice was tight.
“I guess I thought I should love him. I mean, I saw his looks and his smarts and his money, and I thought, ‘this is what I should love’. Like he was better than me, and by loving him, I’d be better too.”
“He’s not better than you.”
“I know.”
We were silent for a moment.
“Listen, Lexi…” He pushed my hair behind my ear tenderly, which was both weird and sweet, considering we were slumped half-naked behind my desk. “I came here to thank you for this morning. My mom, she has good days and bad, and—”
“That was a hell of a thank-you.”
“Well, I was really appreciative.”
“When did you start loving me?” I demanded. He was turning into distant, smartass Dan again, and I wasn’t going to let him.
He lifted my hand, kissed my palm. “I don’t know…it’s been a while, I guess.”
“You don’t know? For Christ’s sake, Dan, this is a pretty significant conversation we’re having.”
“When you were transferred to Ed’s group, okay?”
“Oh my God…that was over three years ago!” No way, I couldn’t believe it.
“Lexi, there were fifty junior analysts I could have chosen to come work for me. Why do you think I chose you?”
“I thought it was because of my superior risk analysis skills.”
He began to laugh.
“Shut the hell up!” I slapped his chest.
He pulled me into his arms. “Your risk analysis skills are fine. But they aren’t why I hired you.”
“You hired me because you loved me.” I grinned against his chest.
“Yes.” He didn’t sound as thrilled as I would have liked. “Lexi…I know you think you love me right now, but this is new for you. I think maybe you’re disappointed because things didn’t work out with Jack, and now you have these feelings for me that might be…fleeting.”
“You think I don’t love you? You think I’m some flighty idiot who falls in love as often as she changes underwear? How come you can love me, but I can’t love you back?”
He sighed, closed his eyes. “I just…I don’t think we should move too fast, because I’m not sure that you can love me— “
“But I do!”
“—the way I love you. Madly. Obsessively. So much it scares me.”
I smoothed his hair off his forehead, away from his temples. His eyes, which were normally so dark and sharp, were wide, and I could see the brown when I was this close. “You don’t have a clue how I love you,” I whispered.
He leaned forward and kissed me,
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