petulant child as the tears
continued to stream down her cheeks.
“Sabrina, your dad and I will not see her any
more. That does not mean you have to stop going to the studio.
Nicole is a really good fit for you,” I implored. Sabrina just
shook her head that she agreed. My heart felt like it was literally
being ripped out of my chest. The thought of not being able to see
Nicole, or kiss her, or just hold her in my arms was causing a
river of tears to flow down my face. I tried to wipe them away less
Sabrina see my insane distress but it was too late.
“I can’t believe you’re in love with a woman.
You are a wife and mother, behave like one,” Sabrina said. I wanted
to say something about her smart mouth but I let her have her
venomous words. I couldn’t imagine what she was feeling right
now.
“Can we please keep Mark Jr. and Celeste out
of this Sabrina?” I finally managed as we pulled into our garage.
Sabrina jumped out of my truck slamming the door before I could put
it in park. I sat in the car for a few extra minutes absorbing
everything that just happened. I picked up my cell phone and made
the call.
“Hello Nicole,” I said, my voice
quivering.
“Hey sweetheart, I wasn’t expecting to hear
from you so soon,” Nicole said immediately catching the inflection
in my voice. “What’s the matter Eva?”
“I am sorry Nicole but we can’t see you any
more. Sabrina has figured out what is going on and we have to end
this. Our kids come first and she is humiliated by my behavior
towards you,” I explained. “She will continue to dance at your
studio, if that’s okay with you.”
“I am so sorry Eva but I understand,” Nicole
said as a sob escaped. “Sabrina is a wonderful dancer and I want
her to continue her training here.”
“I am sorry too Nicole.” I tried to fight
back any additional tears but the sorrow permeated my voice. We sat
holding the phone in silence for a few minutes before she finally
spoke. “I love you both.”
“We love you too Nicole.” I said overcome
with grief as I hung up the phone. I didn’t even notice Mark
standing outside my car window until he opened the door. Actually
it was the car complaining that the driver’s side door was open
with the keys still in the ignition that got my attention. I was
just going numb thinking about not touching Nicole again. Mark
helped me out of the car allowing me to lean on him for a few
minutes as my tears took over again.
“It’s going to be okay Eva. I promise,” Mark
whispered in my ear. “I loved her too.”
“I know you did Mark, we both did. Thank God
I still have you.”
Sabrina watched our exchange feeling sad but
managing to keep her anger in check. The audacity of us almost
ruining our marriage for another woman was enough fuel for her
fire. I managed to regain some of my composure while inside the
house. I went about business as usual, homework, dinner, and
general conversation. When it felt like I couldn’t for much longer
I feigned a migraine and went to bed early.
“You okay mom,” Celeste asked her eyes huge
behind her eyeglasses.
“Yes sweetie. I just had a long day today,” I
replied. It wasn’t a lie. Celeste ran up to give me a hug and I
patted her long black hair. The hug instantly made me feel better
but not enough that I still didn’t long to be alone with my
thoughts. I kept revisiting my last kiss with Nicole and fought the
tears threatening. This was going to be more difficult than I was
prepared to deal with.
Sabrina watched us like a hawk for the next
few weeks. When either of us dropped Sabrina off for dance class we
never went inside the studio. Sabrina would be diligently waiting
alone or with friends outside upon our return. It was really taking
its toll on us both to be without Nicole but we did the best to
seem oblivious to her absence. Sabrina did not buy the phony
baloney pretend routine.
“Mom today is our last rehearsal before the
show on Friday. Would you please come in
continued to stream down her cheeks.
“Sabrina, your dad and I will not see her any
more. That does not mean you have to stop going to the studio.
Nicole is a really good fit for you,” I implored. Sabrina just
shook her head that she agreed. My heart felt like it was literally
being ripped out of my chest. The thought of not being able to see
Nicole, or kiss her, or just hold her in my arms was causing a
river of tears to flow down my face. I tried to wipe them away less
Sabrina see my insane distress but it was too late.
“I can’t believe you’re in love with a woman.
You are a wife and mother, behave like one,” Sabrina said. I wanted
to say something about her smart mouth but I let her have her
venomous words. I couldn’t imagine what she was feeling right
now.
“Can we please keep Mark Jr. and Celeste out
of this Sabrina?” I finally managed as we pulled into our garage.
Sabrina jumped out of my truck slamming the door before I could put
it in park. I sat in the car for a few extra minutes absorbing
everything that just happened. I picked up my cell phone and made
the call.
“Hello Nicole,” I said, my voice
quivering.
“Hey sweetheart, I wasn’t expecting to hear
from you so soon,” Nicole said immediately catching the inflection
in my voice. “What’s the matter Eva?”
“I am sorry Nicole but we can’t see you any
more. Sabrina has figured out what is going on and we have to end
this. Our kids come first and she is humiliated by my behavior
towards you,” I explained. “She will continue to dance at your
studio, if that’s okay with you.”
“I am so sorry Eva but I understand,” Nicole
said as a sob escaped. “Sabrina is a wonderful dancer and I want
her to continue her training here.”
“I am sorry too Nicole.” I tried to fight
back any additional tears but the sorrow permeated my voice. We sat
holding the phone in silence for a few minutes before she finally
spoke. “I love you both.”
“We love you too Nicole.” I said overcome
with grief as I hung up the phone. I didn’t even notice Mark
standing outside my car window until he opened the door. Actually
it was the car complaining that the driver’s side door was open
with the keys still in the ignition that got my attention. I was
just going numb thinking about not touching Nicole again. Mark
helped me out of the car allowing me to lean on him for a few
minutes as my tears took over again.
“It’s going to be okay Eva. I promise,” Mark
whispered in my ear. “I loved her too.”
“I know you did Mark, we both did. Thank God
I still have you.”
Sabrina watched our exchange feeling sad but
managing to keep her anger in check. The audacity of us almost
ruining our marriage for another woman was enough fuel for her
fire. I managed to regain some of my composure while inside the
house. I went about business as usual, homework, dinner, and
general conversation. When it felt like I couldn’t for much longer
I feigned a migraine and went to bed early.
“You okay mom,” Celeste asked her eyes huge
behind her eyeglasses.
“Yes sweetie. I just had a long day today,” I
replied. It wasn’t a lie. Celeste ran up to give me a hug and I
patted her long black hair. The hug instantly made me feel better
but not enough that I still didn’t long to be alone with my
thoughts. I kept revisiting my last kiss with Nicole and fought the
tears threatening. This was going to be more difficult than I was
prepared to deal with.
Sabrina watched us like a hawk for the next
few weeks. When either of us dropped Sabrina off for dance class we
never went inside the studio. Sabrina would be diligently waiting
alone or with friends outside upon our return. It was really taking
its toll on us both to be without Nicole but we did the best to
seem oblivious to her absence. Sabrina did not buy the phony
baloney pretend routine.
“Mom today is our last rehearsal before the
show on Friday. Would you please come in
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