with stuffs like that, right? And then she took me to some place and had me have it taken out and I didn’t like that. She never gave that baby a chance and there was nothing I could have done to stop her. The whole thing still bothers me till now, understand? I don’t even know if I’ll ever make babies again, get what I’m saying? And I don’t think she realizes I’ve not forgiven her for that till this day. I know she may be thinking in her mind, oh, I did my little niece some favor but that was the wrong kind for me. She is some kinda lady. She is so much into herself!
Did she say why she did what she did? Isabel inquired.
What else other than that I’m too young to have a baby and all that. But I believe is because she didn’t want the responsibility that would have come with it, Carissa said.
Come to think of it, she was right Carissa. Where will you be by now if you had a baby at the age of fifteen? Come- on now! Baby we have to be practical! You would have ended up just like one of those baby mamas and that’s not good for any girl, Isabel said.
That is not to say what she did was right anyways! Abortion or whatever can’t be an option, Carissa continued.
Then prevention is! Isabel said. There are many ways to stop it from happening in the first place, okay? You should have thought of that.
Baby I was just fifteen! I had no ideas! Carissa continued, trying to rationalize
Oh come-on! You had ideas on how to do stuff with guys, right? Then you should have had other ideas! But when you don’t have any ideas, don’t try stuff to complicate matters. Anyways, I still think your Aunt did you right. I’m sure you probably would have done it again if not for her disapproval, Isabel said. Anyways all she did was distance me from herself and made me seek love in all the wrong places until I met this other guy and my life changed for good. His name was Silas. Baby, I messed with this Silas of a guy for long behind her back yet she had no clue what was going on ‘cause she was too busy elsewhere, understand? And since she didn’t trust that I know how to do a damn thing right, I didn’t trust her either and wasn’t telling her a damn thing. My only regret now is that Silas was another real do mother fucker. In shot that whole neighborhood was cursed. When Silas started trying to get me to be with him I was really scared about what my Aunt would do if she found out I started another thing, get what I’m saying? But he was really nice to me and that kinda made me felt wanted. For the first time since my grandma’s passing I found someone who really cared and stopped thinking of myself as a worthless son of a bitch. I took pride in myself and cared more about my looks. I’ll hide from my Aunt and hit the salon at times to get my hair done, my nails fixed and all the damned things babes do to look good since I didn’t want another babe take him from me ‘cause the moment I fell for him, I was far gone. God knows I’m telling you the truth.
I believe you! So what happened then? Isabel asked.
He noticed I kind of liked him a lot but was careful with the whole thing ‘cause I was a minor them, understand? We went out to the movies and other fun places all the time and when people get curious we pretended he was my elder brother and stuff like that and everyone will just chill. It was Silas who taught how to do drugs and shit and I think he was a very good teacher. We used to spend most Sunday nights at my Aunt’s place ‘since she would be gone to spend the weekend with her boyfriend. I would close the door but leave it unlocked then he would sneak in ‘cause we didn’t want anybody notice what was going on and he didn’t want my Aunt get a clue of it at all.
You can’t bet on that! Isabel responded. I’m sure there must have been some nosey folks who must have sniffed his presence but chose to look the other way. You know how folks can be nosy and shit, don’t you?
May be! But I wasn’t
Did she say why she did what she did? Isabel inquired.
What else other than that I’m too young to have a baby and all that. But I believe is because she didn’t want the responsibility that would have come with it, Carissa said.
Come to think of it, she was right Carissa. Where will you be by now if you had a baby at the age of fifteen? Come- on now! Baby we have to be practical! You would have ended up just like one of those baby mamas and that’s not good for any girl, Isabel said.
That is not to say what she did was right anyways! Abortion or whatever can’t be an option, Carissa continued.
Then prevention is! Isabel said. There are many ways to stop it from happening in the first place, okay? You should have thought of that.
Baby I was just fifteen! I had no ideas! Carissa continued, trying to rationalize
Oh come-on! You had ideas on how to do stuff with guys, right? Then you should have had other ideas! But when you don’t have any ideas, don’t try stuff to complicate matters. Anyways, I still think your Aunt did you right. I’m sure you probably would have done it again if not for her disapproval, Isabel said. Anyways all she did was distance me from herself and made me seek love in all the wrong places until I met this other guy and my life changed for good. His name was Silas. Baby, I messed with this Silas of a guy for long behind her back yet she had no clue what was going on ‘cause she was too busy elsewhere, understand? And since she didn’t trust that I know how to do a damn thing right, I didn’t trust her either and wasn’t telling her a damn thing. My only regret now is that Silas was another real do mother fucker. In shot that whole neighborhood was cursed. When Silas started trying to get me to be with him I was really scared about what my Aunt would do if she found out I started another thing, get what I’m saying? But he was really nice to me and that kinda made me felt wanted. For the first time since my grandma’s passing I found someone who really cared and stopped thinking of myself as a worthless son of a bitch. I took pride in myself and cared more about my looks. I’ll hide from my Aunt and hit the salon at times to get my hair done, my nails fixed and all the damned things babes do to look good since I didn’t want another babe take him from me ‘cause the moment I fell for him, I was far gone. God knows I’m telling you the truth.
I believe you! So what happened then? Isabel asked.
He noticed I kind of liked him a lot but was careful with the whole thing ‘cause I was a minor them, understand? We went out to the movies and other fun places all the time and when people get curious we pretended he was my elder brother and stuff like that and everyone will just chill. It was Silas who taught how to do drugs and shit and I think he was a very good teacher. We used to spend most Sunday nights at my Aunt’s place ‘since she would be gone to spend the weekend with her boyfriend. I would close the door but leave it unlocked then he would sneak in ‘cause we didn’t want anybody notice what was going on and he didn’t want my Aunt get a clue of it at all.
You can’t bet on that! Isabel responded. I’m sure there must have been some nosey folks who must have sniffed his presence but chose to look the other way. You know how folks can be nosy and shit, don’t you?
May be! But I wasn’t
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