Ariadne in the Grotesque Labyrinth (Catalan Literature)

Ariadne in the Grotesque Labyrinth (Catalan Literature) by Salvador Espriu

Book: Ariadne in the Grotesque Labyrinth (Catalan Literature) by Salvador Espriu Read Free Book Online
Authors: Salvador Espriu
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Efrem Pedagog insisted. « Joan Vulgar, » Ecolampadi Miravitlles began his introduction, « as you no doubt already know   .   .   .   Efrem Pedagog. » « Come closer, young man. There is absolutely nothing vulgar about what it is in your head. You shall go very far; and I shall take you under my wing. » And Efrem protectively patted Joan on the back. « So you say that not everything is old under the sun? Life, totalitarian. » « I don ’ t say all of that, sir, » Joan Vulgar modestly interjected. « I don ’ t affirm, I ask. A question mark, if that pleases you. It ’ s all otherwise. Only an insinuation, an insinuation, sir. » « False! » cried Ecolampadi Miravitlles. « Pay no attention to what he is saying to you, Efrem. He does not ask, he affirms. I am the most orthodox, the first to whom the new idea descended. Is this not true, Ventura? » « I don ’ t recall, » answered the wife. « I ’ m always doing the laundry. » « That does not matter, » Efrem Pedagog said curtly. « Young man, I free you from disorder, and I shelter you. » « Thank you, » Joan Vulgar, with reverence, said.
    And his gospel triumphantly made its way around the world, and Joan Vulgar ’ s fame spread far enough to anger Efrem. « Well, » Pedagog began, rigorously, in thought, « Well, does Joan Vulgar make an affirmation or is he resigned to questioning? This point is vital, we shall clarify our positions. » And he wrote up a tract of twenty-two books, with the title: De universali ordine vel Nihil novum sub sole . « Efrem envies Joan Vulgar, » Ecolampadi Mirravitlles observed. « It ’ s reproachable to assure that he alone queries. What maliciousness! Joan Vulgar affirms. » « Do you think so? » insinuated the founder. « Quiet. What do you know about this? » Ecolampadi demanded. « Did I not feel before anyone else that I am not orthodox? » « Yes, but   .   .   .   » began Joan Vulgar. « Let it go. Your doctrine doesn ’ t keep me up at night! » the disciple said, cutting him off. And he wrote the voluminous De orthodoxia seu De fide Joannis Vulgaris disputatio . « Efrem Pedagog envies Joan Vulgar, » the public cried out. « Off to the Viuviuvescu to find the cause of it. » And thus the process went up to the plenary session. The Viuviuvescu, which in that era was staggering through a conflict over the regional nomenclature, studied the case with great care and found Pedagog guilty, sentencing him to silence. And thus increased the glory of Joan Vulgar.
    That is, until another from the school of Efrem, the eloquent Crisant Baptista Mestres took to stirring the ashes. « Ok, we have learned what Joan Vulgar affirms, » formulated Crisant. « And, in exchange, we ignore what is new under the sun, and that, gentlemen, seems to me more of the essence. » « Silence, I say, » flared Ecolampadi Miravitlles. « What is new under the sun? What ’ s new? » he sought. « Miravitlles, I fear I have thought up a new fuss, » said Joan Vulgar in that precise moment. « They say the lion is the king of the jungle. The king of the jungle? Who believes that? » « Do you believe that, my good fellow? » Ecolampadi asked Crisant in a preemptive tone. « I have not considered this problem, I am not a naturalist, » the eloquent Crisant confessed with uneasiness. « And you have the pretension to demand that those things new under the sun specify themselves to you, when you can ’ t answer doubts as to whether the lion is or is not the king of the jungle! » the orthodox Miravittles said, ridiculing him. « It is not, » Mrs. Verity Experimental said, as she arrived. « It is not: ibi non sunt leones . I ’ ve been there, » she assured. And Joan Vulgar figured it all out by pure speculative force. « Bless me, » Ecolampadi, as he kneeled down, requested. « Your sectarian fervor is paradigmatic, acolyte, » granted the god Joan Vulgar. « But refrain from sharing it with me now; I am worried. Tula wrote me from

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