As Black as Ebony by Salla Simukka Page A

sweating?
    Suddenly, Lumikki was so tired that her eyes drooped shut. She fell into a sleep free of nightmares or dreams about the mysterious key waiting in her coat pocket. The key with the heart.

People are so trusting. If you’re assertive and credible enough, they swallow your words and love how true they taste. That’s why it was so easy to get the key. People trust me and end up saying things they wouldn’t otherwise. All I had to do was create a relaxed, confidential mood and even he talked. And you should never forget that alcohol helps people open up too. The key was hidden where he guessed it would be.
    “Isn’t it sick that they still keep it in the bookshelf behind a copy of Tittytumpkin’s Fairy Tree?” That’s what he said when I got him drunk. I agreed, although I think there are much sicker things in this world. Who am I to judge other people’s decisions? We all want to keep our secrets in our own way.
    I wanted to give it to you so you would remember. I could just tell you everything I know, but that would be boring. I would rather you found it out yourself. Then it will mean more. Then your own, real memories will come back.
    You may not be able to think of it this way yet, but I am giving you gifts. One at a time. And these are the biggest gifts anyone has ever given you.
    I am giving you your past.
    I am giving you your secret.
    I am giving you who you really are.
    I am giving you yourself. Finally.
    And then you will be prepared to accept my final gift, my eternal love, because you will understand that I am the only person who can love you this much. Then you will learn to love me too. We are the same. We are one.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12

The black water dragged Lumikki ever farther down. She couldn’t have reached the surface even if she tried. But she didn’t want to try. Under the water was a forest. Different from any forest on land. The trunks and branches of the trees were in a constant, fluid swaying motion. They were flexible. They were soft, water plants.
    Lumikki sank deeper and deeper. Now she could see something shining on the bottom. It was a small chest. It looked familiar. Lumikki realized that the brass key she had been given would fit the lock on the chest. They belonged together.
    Lumikki tried to get to the chest, but suddenly, her feet became stuck in the black bottom muck. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t breathe. Her oxygen was running out. Lumikki knew that her lungs would soon fill with water and she would die.
    “Fear.”
    Hearing this word stated emphatically snapped Lumikki awake. She had just nodded off. It took her a few seconds to realize she was in psychology class and that the teacher’s voice had woken her up. Running to Milavida Palace the night before felt like a distant nightmare, but two concrete pieces of evidence remained. Insane exhaustion and the small brass key that was in her jeans pocket and kept tempting her hands to finger it over and over again.
    The chest. She remembered the chest. But where had she seen it . . . ?
    “Fear is one of the primary drivers of human behavior,” the teacher, Henrik Virta, continued. “Sometimes I wonder if we should even talk about courage. Perhaps there’s no such thing as courage. Only fear.”
    “How do you justify that?” Tinka asked without raising her hand.
    “We often hear that courage is the conquering of fear. As I see it, fear itself is what drives us to act and can make us do things we wouldn’t be able to otherwise. So, sometimes, fear looks like courage.”
    Henrik’s voice was deep and pleasant. He had always been one of Lumikki’s favorite teachers because he knew how to say things in a way that made you think, but didn’t try too hard to be provocative.
    “But doesn’t fear make you run and courage makes you stay and fight?” Aleksi asked.
    “You can think of it that way. But you can also argue that fear gives us instructions about how best to act in any given situation. The fear of