Ashes to Ashes by Jenny Han Page A

for Ash and Derek talking to each other in low voices. Suddenly the light turns red, Ash slams on the brakes, and I start to fly forward, but Reeve grabs me by the waist with both arms.
    â€œUgh, why do they have a stoplight on this road anyway?” Ash complains.
    My heart’s pounding in my chest. Even though he doesn’t have to, Reeve’s still holding on to me tight, and just for a second I feel him sigh and fall his forehead against my back, butthen, abruptly, his arms drop away from me. I think I can hear his heart beating fast too.
    After the ferry ride back to Jar Island, Ashlin drops me off first. My mom’s light is off, and Nadia’s in her room doing her homework. I stop in to say good night, and we talk for a few minutes. I don’t even know what we’re talking about, because all I’m doing is thinking about him. And then Kat’s voice is in my head, telling me to shut it the eff down. This will only lead to trouble. She’s right. I know she is.
    I go through my nighttime routine of a bath, drying my hair just a little bit and then brushing it. I put on my big Harvard sweatshirt and thick socks and get into bed, and then I just lie there in the dark for what feels like forever.
    And before I can talk myself out of it, before I can go through all the reasons why not, I’m crawling out of bed. I’m fumbling around for my leggings and my bra and my big puffy coat. I’m stuffing my keys and my phone inside the pocket, and then I’m creeping out into the hallway. It’s dark; everyone’s asleep. I crack open Nadia’s door just to make sure, and she is.
    Then I’m tiptoeing down the stairs, creeping out the back door, and running fast to my car. I don’t turn on the headlights until I’m out of the cul-de-sac. I don’t know what I’m doing. He might not even be awake. This is crazy.
    As I drive, I keep thinking I should turn back around. I keep thinking it, and yet I don’t do it.
    All the lights are off at Reeve’s house except for in his room. I pull out my phone and text him, my hands shaking.
    Are you awake?
    He writes back instantly. Yeah.
    I’m outside.
    Reeve’s face appears in the window, and then it’s gone. I get out of the car and wait for him, shivering. I don’t have to wait long. He’s out the front door and running toward me in sweats, no coat.
    â€œWhat’s wrong?” he pants. “Did something happen?”
    I shake my head.
    His brow furrows. “Then why—why are you here?”
    â€œI don’t know.” I lift my shoulders and drop them. “I guess . . . I just wanted to see you.” Reeve is staring at me with a bewildered look on his face, and I feel my cheeks get hot. I turn away from him and back toward my car. “I shouldn’t have come.”
    Reeve grabs my arm. “Wait,” he says, and I spin back around, and before I can tell myself not to, I pull his face toward mine and I’m kissing him. He hesitates for a split second, and then he’s kissing me back, and I feel a jolt inside me. I lean back against the car, and I pull him with me. I can seethe puffs our breaths make in the cold night air.
    â€œI miss you,” I whisper between kisses. Then I look up at him, and my pulse quickens as I wait for him to answer.
    A cocky smile spreads across his face. “Course you do. You can’t get enough of me.”
    I stiffen. I come over here in the middle of the night against my better judgment, and he’s joking around like it’s nothing? Is everything a joke to him? I stand up straight and try to push him away, but he doesn’t let me. His voice gets serious as he says, “I miss you, too. You know I do. I . . . I just don’t know how to act. Everything’s so fucked up.”
    I sigh. “I wish . . .” I stop, and Reeve pushes my hair out of my eyes.
    â€œYour hair’s