dinner. This is so what I needed.” I smile at him across the table. Darren is sipping his wine with an odd expression on his face.
“Good. I’m glad you like it.” He seems genuinely pleased. I feel myself relax even more. “You seem a little out of sorts today. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m just a little tired. Didn’t sleep well last night.” I smile at him.
“Sorry to hear that.” He goes back to eating.
This is the perfect time to bring it up. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Adrenaline surges through my body; I’m just so afraid of what his reaction will be! He looks at me expectantly.
“So, on the way home from the office, I heard that ad again.” I start with the first thing that comes to mind. “You know the one for law school.” I use my best announcer voice, “Are you thinking about going to law school?”
He drops his fork and scrapes his chair back. “Oh come on, Nora. Are you going to start with that crap again?”
What? I stare at him in complete bewilderment. What crap? I blink back at him, too stunned to speak.
“You know what I mean. I thought we agreed that you weren’t going to pursue that old subject again.” He waits a beat and I continue to blink at him, wondering to myself when we ever agreed I was giving up my dream, because I think I missed that.
“You’re so much happier when your not stressing out about some pipe dream you had in college.”
“Pipe dream?” I stutter back at him. “Pipe dream? Is that what you thought all this time? That law school was some pipe dream I had as a starry eyed freshmen?”
This is so unexpected. I was just making conversation, but now I’m angry. I can feel it slithering around like a snake thrashing through my body, coiling its way to the surface.
He looks back, surprised. And then he chuckles, “Okay, Nora. You want to go to law school now. Let’s talk about it.” The sarcasm in his voice is vivid, I see red.
“Darren, what is your problem? You’ve known since the day we met that I wanted to go to law school. Why are you acting like this is new information?”
“Really, Nora? You really want to go to law school?” He almost shouts back at me.
“Yes, I do. And I would have, but we were waiting until your career got established.”
“What? Nora, that is bullshit. You clearly didn’t want to go, you didn’t even apply after we graduated. You said over and over again how thankful you were you didn’t apply your senior year. But go ahead, blame me.” He sits back in his chair holding his arms open.
Of all nights to have this fight! I am so tired, my nerves are frayed, and I don’t think I have the strength to do this right now. Exhausted and angry, I can’t think of what to say.
“That’s it? You’re not going to speak to me now?” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Nora, I’m so sick of the law school whining. If you really wanted to be a lawyer, you would already be one. You aren’t one, and therefore, you don’t want to be one. But hey, it’s too late now, isn’t it.”
“Too late? Too late how?” I ask without thinking, snapping back into the conversation. I cannot believe this is happening. How in the hell did we get here? I wanted to talk about passion and dancing and life!
He laughs. “Nora, you’re 25 years old, you want to get married, have kids, move on. What are you going to be, one of those older adults in college? Come on. You missed it.” He gets up to clear the table.
Missed it? I missed it? There are so many bombshells in that one statement, how can I even begin to sort them out? He wants to get married? He won’t even move in with me, yet he brings up marriage like it’s old news? Do I even want to get married? Am I that old?
I work to get my breathing under control. Kids? I’m still a kid, aren’t I? I’m still driving my first car, for Pete’s sake. How can he be thinking about kids? Do I want kids? I haven’t even begun to think about these things.
“Good. I’m glad you like it.” He seems genuinely pleased. I feel myself relax even more. “You seem a little out of sorts today. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m just a little tired. Didn’t sleep well last night.” I smile at him.
“Sorry to hear that.” He goes back to eating.
This is the perfect time to bring it up. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Adrenaline surges through my body; I’m just so afraid of what his reaction will be! He looks at me expectantly.
“So, on the way home from the office, I heard that ad again.” I start with the first thing that comes to mind. “You know the one for law school.” I use my best announcer voice, “Are you thinking about going to law school?”
He drops his fork and scrapes his chair back. “Oh come on, Nora. Are you going to start with that crap again?”
What? I stare at him in complete bewilderment. What crap? I blink back at him, too stunned to speak.
“You know what I mean. I thought we agreed that you weren’t going to pursue that old subject again.” He waits a beat and I continue to blink at him, wondering to myself when we ever agreed I was giving up my dream, because I think I missed that.
“You’re so much happier when your not stressing out about some pipe dream you had in college.”
“Pipe dream?” I stutter back at him. “Pipe dream? Is that what you thought all this time? That law school was some pipe dream I had as a starry eyed freshmen?”
This is so unexpected. I was just making conversation, but now I’m angry. I can feel it slithering around like a snake thrashing through my body, coiling its way to the surface.
He looks back, surprised. And then he chuckles, “Okay, Nora. You want to go to law school now. Let’s talk about it.” The sarcasm in his voice is vivid, I see red.
“Darren, what is your problem? You’ve known since the day we met that I wanted to go to law school. Why are you acting like this is new information?”
“Really, Nora? You really want to go to law school?” He almost shouts back at me.
“Yes, I do. And I would have, but we were waiting until your career got established.”
“What? Nora, that is bullshit. You clearly didn’t want to go, you didn’t even apply after we graduated. You said over and over again how thankful you were you didn’t apply your senior year. But go ahead, blame me.” He sits back in his chair holding his arms open.
Of all nights to have this fight! I am so tired, my nerves are frayed, and I don’t think I have the strength to do this right now. Exhausted and angry, I can’t think of what to say.
“That’s it? You’re not going to speak to me now?” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Nora, I’m so sick of the law school whining. If you really wanted to be a lawyer, you would already be one. You aren’t one, and therefore, you don’t want to be one. But hey, it’s too late now, isn’t it.”
“Too late? Too late how?” I ask without thinking, snapping back into the conversation. I cannot believe this is happening. How in the hell did we get here? I wanted to talk about passion and dancing and life!
He laughs. “Nora, you’re 25 years old, you want to get married, have kids, move on. What are you going to be, one of those older adults in college? Come on. You missed it.” He gets up to clear the table.
Missed it? I missed it? There are so many bombshells in that one statement, how can I even begin to sort them out? He wants to get married? He won’t even move in with me, yet he brings up marriage like it’s old news? Do I even want to get married? Am I that old?
I work to get my breathing under control. Kids? I’m still a kid, aren’t I? I’m still driving my first car, for Pete’s sake. How can he be thinking about kids? Do I want kids? I haven’t even begun to think about these things.
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