turn around.
“Hi, Bubba.”
“I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just came over to make sure we were all set for tomorrow.”
She admired how calm he was about the whole thing, as if it were some sort of science project. When Mel thought too hard about what had to happen tomorrow, her insides did funny things and her mouth went dry. She didn’t want to lose Bubba’s friendship. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to enter new territory in their relationship. It was all so confusing. Sometimes she just wished she could retreat into her house and go into seclusion for a month, then reappear as if nothing had happened.
But that was impossible.
“All set,” she said softly. She studied him. Bubba always looked his best half-naked. He looked most at home in a pair of threadbare cutoffs, nothing else. They were all he had on now. His body was beautiful, his muscles defined, but she knew his physique wasn’t anything he consciously worked on.
“I thought you could come over tomorrow night for dinner,” he said, studying her expression.
“You don’t have to cook for me, Bubba. I can eat something here.” Now she was getting nervous, thinking about the weekend.
“It’s nothing spectacular. I’m ordering out – Mexican food.” Typical Bubba – casual to the end.
“How about something less spicy.” With her luck, she’d get sick.
“Do you like that place down the block with the healthy pizza?” He was making an effort to please her. She was touched.
“That’d be fine.” Whatever he ordered, she knew she probably wouldn’t touch it. But she didn’t want to take any of the pleasure of planning away from him.
He sat down on the deck chair next to her chaise and stretched out his legs. She studied him covertly, noticing for the first time the faint network of scars that covered his body. She knew where the scar above his knee had come from – a spill from a dirt bike. The tiny lines on his chest were cuts and scratches he’d sustained surfing.
“Mel, how are you feeling about this?” His eyes were direct and piercing. Trust Bubba to come straight to the point.
“Fine. I – I just – ”
“Are you scared?”
“A little. Not as much of you,” she lied easily, not wanting him to know just yet how confused she’d been, “but of the whole idea of having a baby. I mean, it’s been an obsession with me. I wake up some mornings thinking I’m doing the wrong thing. Then I think about never having a child and it tears me up inside.”
He was quiet, listening. It was rare Melanie confided in anyone but Bubba had always been easy to talk to.
“I don’t know what kind of mother I’m going to be. I’m not sure if I’m financially ready. I wish I had a husband, a relationship that had a couple of years behind it.”
He nodded his head, urging her on.
“You’ll think this is stupid, but the thing that really gets to me is that I’ll never have a honeymoon.”
“Yes you will. Not right now, but someday.”
“But it’s not the same. It’s not the same as when you’re beginning something with someone and everything is stretched out in front of you. It’s like… I wish I could have done things in the right order.”
“Mel, you didn’t have a choice.”
“I know, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I haven’t told anyone in my family. You and Alicia are the only two people who know. It’s not that I’m ashamed of what I’m doing but I’m not sure how everyone is going to react.” She sat up on the chaise and swung around, easing a startled Henry onto the redwood deck. Sitting facing Bubba, she continued her train of thought.
“I feel so… so vulnerable right now. I know if I told my family and they looked at me like I was crazy, I might not be able to go through with it.”
“I think you’re smart not to tell them.”
Mel sighed. “Donnie will hit the ceiling. There have been so many times I wish I didn’t have to rent from him but he kept telling me I
“Hi, Bubba.”
“I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just came over to make sure we were all set for tomorrow.”
She admired how calm he was about the whole thing, as if it were some sort of science project. When Mel thought too hard about what had to happen tomorrow, her insides did funny things and her mouth went dry. She didn’t want to lose Bubba’s friendship. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to enter new territory in their relationship. It was all so confusing. Sometimes she just wished she could retreat into her house and go into seclusion for a month, then reappear as if nothing had happened.
But that was impossible.
“All set,” she said softly. She studied him. Bubba always looked his best half-naked. He looked most at home in a pair of threadbare cutoffs, nothing else. They were all he had on now. His body was beautiful, his muscles defined, but she knew his physique wasn’t anything he consciously worked on.
“I thought you could come over tomorrow night for dinner,” he said, studying her expression.
“You don’t have to cook for me, Bubba. I can eat something here.” Now she was getting nervous, thinking about the weekend.
“It’s nothing spectacular. I’m ordering out – Mexican food.” Typical Bubba – casual to the end.
“How about something less spicy.” With her luck, she’d get sick.
“Do you like that place down the block with the healthy pizza?” He was making an effort to please her. She was touched.
“That’d be fine.” Whatever he ordered, she knew she probably wouldn’t touch it. But she didn’t want to take any of the pleasure of planning away from him.
He sat down on the deck chair next to her chaise and stretched out his legs. She studied him covertly, noticing for the first time the faint network of scars that covered his body. She knew where the scar above his knee had come from – a spill from a dirt bike. The tiny lines on his chest were cuts and scratches he’d sustained surfing.
“Mel, how are you feeling about this?” His eyes were direct and piercing. Trust Bubba to come straight to the point.
“Fine. I – I just – ”
“Are you scared?”
“A little. Not as much of you,” she lied easily, not wanting him to know just yet how confused she’d been, “but of the whole idea of having a baby. I mean, it’s been an obsession with me. I wake up some mornings thinking I’m doing the wrong thing. Then I think about never having a child and it tears me up inside.”
He was quiet, listening. It was rare Melanie confided in anyone but Bubba had always been easy to talk to.
“I don’t know what kind of mother I’m going to be. I’m not sure if I’m financially ready. I wish I had a husband, a relationship that had a couple of years behind it.”
He nodded his head, urging her on.
“You’ll think this is stupid, but the thing that really gets to me is that I’ll never have a honeymoon.”
“Yes you will. Not right now, but someday.”
“But it’s not the same. It’s not the same as when you’re beginning something with someone and everything is stretched out in front of you. It’s like… I wish I could have done things in the right order.”
“Mel, you didn’t have a choice.”
“I know, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I haven’t told anyone in my family. You and Alicia are the only two people who know. It’s not that I’m ashamed of what I’m doing but I’m not sure how everyone is going to react.” She sat up on the chaise and swung around, easing a startled Henry onto the redwood deck. Sitting facing Bubba, she continued her train of thought.
“I feel so… so vulnerable right now. I know if I told my family and they looked at me like I was crazy, I might not be able to go through with it.”
“I think you’re smart not to tell them.”
Mel sighed. “Donnie will hit the ceiling. There have been so many times I wish I didn’t have to rent from him but he kept telling me I
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