Back to Life by Danielle Allen Page A

I glanced down at his hand and he must have seen where my eyes landed because he slowly removed his hand. Inexplicably, my hand felt bereft without his.
    What am I doing? I thought to myself guiltily. This has officially gone way beyond friendly neighbor status. Whatever this is. Whatever this could be. I don’t deserve it. So I need not even entertain it. Trying to process with my warring emotion and needing something to do with my hands, I folded the blanket. Placing the neatly folded fabric on the back of the couch where it belonged, I avoided eye contact.
    I could feel Ty’s eyes on me the entire time.  “Are you okay?” he asked gently.
    “No, but I’m dealing,” I answered honestly. “Was it horrible?” I quietly asked in reference to what he had just witnessed.
    “It just made me sad. You seemed so hurt,” Ty’s voice held so much tenderness in it.  I let his words repeat in my head.  He just witnessed something I’ve never allowed anyone to see. Something I moved away from any and everything remotely familiar to me in order to keep people from seeing. And I’ve known this man for less than 24 hours and I’ve exposed all of that to him , I thought as I rubbed my temples. Why is this happening?
    Ty stood up and then extended his hand toward me.  Without any hesitation, I took his hand and he helped me to my bare feet. We were standing mere inches apart with our hands still lightly touching.  I felt the same heat radiating through my body, stemming from where our hands connected.  I looked up into his brown eyes and my breath hitched.  His hands slowly ran up my arm from my palms to my shoulders causing goose bumps along the way. He pulled me into him. And he just hugged me.
    I felt years of pent up guilt, heartache, and pain well up as I buried my head in his chest. I wrapped my arms around his torso and clutched to him like my life depended on it. I kept the tears at bay, not wanted to deal with the onslaught of emotions. I felt one of his hands gently stroking my back while the other cradled my head. I hadn’t felt that safe in a long time. I want this , the thought surprising me. There’s this undeniable pull that I feel around Ty. If I go there with him, it won’t be like it was with Jacob or Reese or Terrell. It was only physical with them. There’s something here. If I let this happen, there won’t be any turning back. I don’t think I’m ready for that. I’m scared. I’m scared of what it will open up in me. Of what it will do to me. Of how he will look at me if he knew what I had done. That settles it. I let my guard down once and that was my mistake. I won’t do it again. I opened my mouth to tell Ty that my staying at Jimmy’s longer than I intended was a mistake and that I should go. But his voice was the first to break through the silence of the room.
    “I’m sorry I left you alone,” Ty said softly.
    I pulled my head off of his chest to look at him, “What? You have nothing to be sorry for.” I searched his sad eyes trying to figure out what happened. Oh my God, what did I say in my sleep?
    “I checked on you after the me eting with the restaurant staff. The meeting took a little longer than I anticipated so I wanted to make sure you were okay.  You were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you. I went to the lounge and dealt with things there. That took a lot longer than I anticipated. So I didn’t get back in here until everyone had emptied out of the building a little while ago. When I walked back in here, I heard you. You sounded like you were in pain. I just feel like I should’ve been here. I’m sorry I left you alone Sahara.”
    My mind was racing : I don’t want him to feel as though this is his fault. But in order for him to know that this was not a result of me being left alone, I’ll have to disclose my past. I looked into his eyes and pleaded, “Please don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t you…at all. You’re great. This