Coming to America will be on,” I concluded with a smile. I sat on the couch and pulled the folded blanket into my lap.
Giving me a relieved smile, Ty informed, “The door in the corner beside the TV is a restroom. The one near the filing cabinet is a closet.” He walked down the short hallway and before he left opened the door to leave, he promised, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Hearing the door shut, I slipped off my sandals and got comfortable across the couch. I unfolded the blanket and covered myself and gazed at the stained glass window. It was remarkable. It represented something spiritual. Not just because it was stained glass, but because of the feeling the window evoked. The window made me feel love and loss. And suddenly, with the absence of Ty, I was overcome with the strength of my emotions. I laid my head on the arm of the couch. I closed my eyes with the intention of listening to whatever channel the TV was on in an attempt to force the memories away.
Chapter 5
I heard him before I felt him. “You’re okay. I got you S ahara. I got you. You’re okay. Sahara, I’m here,” Ty whispered soothingly, holding me tightly.
My initial reaction was to push him away, embarrassed to be caught at my most vulnerable state. I tried pushing him away but my arms lacked strength. I just managed to move my arms enough to cover my face self-consciously. He continued repeating that it was going to be okay as he stroked my hair. Putting my embarrassment on hold, I relished in the safety of his arms. Even if what he’s saying is complete bullshit, it feels good to be comforted , I thought as I focused on my breathing.
Once I had gotten myself together, I gathered enough strength to push myself out of his muscular arms. He released me and when I looked in his eyes, I wished I hadn’t. His chestnut brown eyes were full of concern and sadness. I didn’t see the pity, I expected. Pity would’ve made me mad, giving me the motivation I needed to end whatever it was that was happening between us. Seeing concern in his eyes made me hurt for all that I’d lost, all that I’d given up. Fresh tears sprung to my eyes and I looked away, wiping at my eyes and cheeks in an attempt to dry my damp face. Ty slid down the couch a bit so I could sit up with my back against the arm of the couch that I was using as a pillow.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know…what to say.” I apologized quietly. I leaned forward slightly so I could rest my head in my hands, covering my face.
Pulling my hands forward to uncover my face, Ty met my eyes with such sincerity. “You don’t have anything to apologize for Sahara. I-I just want to know what’s wrong.”
Knowing I owed him an explanation, my eyes filled with tears. I’ve never actually said the words before. I can’t do this. I can’t. It’s hard enough reliving them in my mind, in my thoughts, in my nightmares. I can’t speak about it out loud. Biting the inside of my cheek, I kept the tears from falling. I couldn’t continue looking him in his eyes as I responded, “Nothing is wrong. Bad dream maybe.”
Ty drew his eyebrows together, perplexed. “Sahara… I came in here and you were crying. Hard. I’m worried about you.” He took a deep breath and continued gently, “If you don’t want to tell me yet, I get it. We’ve only known each other for a day. But don’t lie to me. I know something is wrong. And it could’ve been a bad dream, but I don’t think it was.” He put his hand on my hand and squeezed. A barely audible “thank you” escaped my trembling lips.
When I felt like I could look at him without coming apart, I gave a slight smile. “Thank you . For understanding,” I said again, more clearly this time.
“ Of course,” he responded seriously. A few seconds ticked by before I realized we were still holding hands. Heat traveled from his hand to mine, slowly creeping up my body until the entirety of my skin felt flushed.
Giving me a relieved smile, Ty informed, “The door in the corner beside the TV is a restroom. The one near the filing cabinet is a closet.” He walked down the short hallway and before he left opened the door to leave, he promised, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Hearing the door shut, I slipped off my sandals and got comfortable across the couch. I unfolded the blanket and covered myself and gazed at the stained glass window. It was remarkable. It represented something spiritual. Not just because it was stained glass, but because of the feeling the window evoked. The window made me feel love and loss. And suddenly, with the absence of Ty, I was overcome with the strength of my emotions. I laid my head on the arm of the couch. I closed my eyes with the intention of listening to whatever channel the TV was on in an attempt to force the memories away.
Chapter 5
I heard him before I felt him. “You’re okay. I got you S ahara. I got you. You’re okay. Sahara, I’m here,” Ty whispered soothingly, holding me tightly.
My initial reaction was to push him away, embarrassed to be caught at my most vulnerable state. I tried pushing him away but my arms lacked strength. I just managed to move my arms enough to cover my face self-consciously. He continued repeating that it was going to be okay as he stroked my hair. Putting my embarrassment on hold, I relished in the safety of his arms. Even if what he’s saying is complete bullshit, it feels good to be comforted , I thought as I focused on my breathing.
Once I had gotten myself together, I gathered enough strength to push myself out of his muscular arms. He released me and when I looked in his eyes, I wished I hadn’t. His chestnut brown eyes were full of concern and sadness. I didn’t see the pity, I expected. Pity would’ve made me mad, giving me the motivation I needed to end whatever it was that was happening between us. Seeing concern in his eyes made me hurt for all that I’d lost, all that I’d given up. Fresh tears sprung to my eyes and I looked away, wiping at my eyes and cheeks in an attempt to dry my damp face. Ty slid down the couch a bit so I could sit up with my back against the arm of the couch that I was using as a pillow.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know…what to say.” I apologized quietly. I leaned forward slightly so I could rest my head in my hands, covering my face.
Pulling my hands forward to uncover my face, Ty met my eyes with such sincerity. “You don’t have anything to apologize for Sahara. I-I just want to know what’s wrong.”
Knowing I owed him an explanation, my eyes filled with tears. I’ve never actually said the words before. I can’t do this. I can’t. It’s hard enough reliving them in my mind, in my thoughts, in my nightmares. I can’t speak about it out loud. Biting the inside of my cheek, I kept the tears from falling. I couldn’t continue looking him in his eyes as I responded, “Nothing is wrong. Bad dream maybe.”
Ty drew his eyebrows together, perplexed. “Sahara… I came in here and you were crying. Hard. I’m worried about you.” He took a deep breath and continued gently, “If you don’t want to tell me yet, I get it. We’ve only known each other for a day. But don’t lie to me. I know something is wrong. And it could’ve been a bad dream, but I don’t think it was.” He put his hand on my hand and squeezed. A barely audible “thank you” escaped my trembling lips.
When I felt like I could look at him without coming apart, I gave a slight smile. “Thank you . For understanding,” I said again, more clearly this time.
“ Of course,” he responded seriously. A few seconds ticked by before I realized we were still holding hands. Heat traveled from his hand to mine, slowly creeping up my body until the entirety of my skin felt flushed.
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