only God could give. The strength to stay pure, to remain clean. He couldn’t give in. Had to force mind and body to obey him. As he prayed, hands clasped together so tightly his fingers ached, images of the woman’s battered face danced before his closed eyes. She looked beautiful in death. Women only looked beautiful when God took their souls so that the shells remained to be used by the weak. Mama had said he was weak. But how could it be a sin when the soul had already gone? His erection grew and throbbed.
Don’t think of how it feels to slide inside. Don’t remember their naked bodies.
Even as he tried to control his thoughts, heat coursed through his groin and he rose from the prie dieu . His vision misted over as he shook.
He woke several hours later, prostrate on the floor next to the scourge. Drenched in sweat, he felt as though his heart would burst if he tried to stand. Moving onto his side to ease the pain in his lacerated back, he forced himself to confront the truth. No matter how many he killed, it would never be enough to help her . He’d never be able to save her soul. By the time he’d killed her, it had already been too late, she’d given in to the devil. But he’d prayed and God had answered his prayer. If he saved enough souls then hers would be redeemed.
He reached across to the bedside table and lifted the photograph, picturing in his mind once more the mess she had become. How she’d looked before he’d ended her miserable life.
It was his duty, his sacred duty to save the souls of those who would take her path. The first one he’d chosen had been close to the older version in age, but then the Lord had appeared and shown him his mistake. It was too late for the older ones; he had to pick them while they were still young enough to have a soul worth salvaging. He chose younger whores, ones who looked like the woman in the photograph.
But it still wasn’t enough, night after night the line of those who needed his touch stretched into eternity. He would never be able to save them all – and if he couldn’t do that, then he could never save his mother’s soul.
***
Paolo wondered if he’d ever get used to ringing the doorbell instead of letting himself into the house he used to call home. He’d had long enough to adjust, so the answer was probably no. After a few moments the door flew open and Katy launched herself at him.
“Dad! I thought you weren’t coming.”
“Sorry, Katy. I got tied up this morning. Had to go into the office to finish off some paperwork, but I’m here now, so what would you rather do – go out somewhere or play this?”
He held up the video game she’d asked him for on his last visit and watched her face light up.
“You got it. I can’t believe you got it.” She turned and went into the house, dragging Paolo with her into the kitchen. “Mum, look what Dad’s brought over.”
Lydia was perched at the breakfast bar, drinking coffee from one of the cups they’d received as a wedding present so many years earlier.
“Video games again ?”
Paolo remembered how much he’d put her back up the last time they’d met and tried hard to swallow his annoyance when she poured cold water over Katy’s enthusiasm.
“You’re planning to stay indoors on a lovely day like today?”
“Mum, it’s freezing out there. You said yourself it was miserable.”
“That was early this morning. The sun’s shining now.”
“But it’s still freezing. Besides, I like playing games. I don’t see why I should-”
“We can play for an hour or so and then I’ll take you out for a burger.” Paolo thought it best to step in before yet another war broke out. “How’s that?” He turned to Lydia, but he could have saved his breath.
“Do what you like. You always do,” she said, getting down from the stool and leaving the room.
Katy pulled a face at Lydia’s back as she left and Paolo knew he should tell her off for it, but he just wanted to enjoy a couple
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