Boss Me by Lacey Black

like any normal, sane man would?” Travis asks.
    “Tried it. I never have the right flavor or brand. One night she wanted a certain kind and the next, something entirely different. Did you know each freaking brand has a different texture and consistency? And don’t get me started on the nights she mixes some weird shit in with the ice cream like cheese or honey. With Dairy Queen closed for the winter, it makes these random cravings that much harder to deal with,” Jake says.
    “I can’t believe how whipped you are,” Nate adds, laughing.
    “Has she hit that sexual peak yet where everything makes her horny as hell?” Maddox asks with a mischievous grin.
    “Why the hell do you think we’re always the last one to arrive anywhere? I walk in the room and she practically rips my clothes off,” Jake says with his trademark cocky grin.
    “Take advantage of that now, man, because soon, she’ll be too tired for sex. Then the babies come, and she’ll be so exhausted that you’ll start to wonder if you’ll ever have sex again,” Maddox adds, Travis frantically shaking his head up and down.
    “We’ve already had to get really damn creative,” Jake says. “You’ve seen how big my wife is,” he says.
    “I swear to God if I didn’t need your penis right now, I would cut it off and give it to Miss Whiskers as a cat toy,” Erin seethes from the doorway behind Jake. The look on his face is absolutely priceless. Part horror, part fear with a little bit of laughter.
    “Hi, darlin’! I didn’t see you there,” he says, plastering on a huge smile and turning around to face the wrath of his wife.
    “I don’t see how you could have missed me! You know, with how big I am and all,” Erin grits out, waving both arms around her stomach.
    Jake steps forward and tries to pull Erin into his embrace. She hesitates, but only for a second, before she leans against him, her eyes filling with tears. “I can’t believe you think I’m fat!” she exclaims as she bursts into uncontrollable tears. And everyone wonders why I’m in no big hurry to get married. And deal with this?
    “Ah, geez, darlin’, I didn’t mean it. You know I love you all round with our babies. It’s so fucking hot,” Jake says soft and lovingly as he rubs the plump roundness of Erin’s abdomen, running his nose along the shell of her ear.
    “I know you do,” Erin says through her hysterics. “I’m just so emotional lately,” she adds, as she whimpers while trying to gulp in air. “I promise not to cut off your penis while you sleep.”
    Jake cringes while the rest of us absently move to cover our manhood. “Good to know, darlin’,” Jake says with a look of worry on his face.
    “We should go,” Erin says, looking up at Jake with a sly smile and lust-filled eyes. Her entire mood has completely changed as if the previous conversation didn’t even happen. She’s practically rubbing up against him like a cat in heat.
    “Gotta go,” Jake yells as he grabs his bag of rolls, his wife, and heads towards the door.
    “Wait! Before you go, Lia and I wanted to share our news,” Nate says as we all head into the living room where the girls are watching some chick-flick on television. “Lia and I have set a date,” Nate says as he sits down on the armrest of the couch, next to his fiancée.
    “We’ve decided on June fifteenth,” Lia adds with a smile as the room bursts into celebration. We’ve been waiting on this date for several weeks now.
    “Wait,” Nate says. “We’re not getting married here.”
    “Well, where exactly are you getting married then?” Mom asks with a confused look on her face.
    “Hawaii,” Lia says with the biggest, brightest smile I’ve ever seen.
    “Shut up!” Avery yells, while excitement is evident on everyone’s face. We all sit and wait with bated breath as we wait to find out where we all fit into their wedding.
    “Yeah, we’re kind of doing the whole destination wedding thing,” Nate starts but is cut