Be in the Real by Denise Mathew Page A

underwear, the ones Pauline loved to call Grannie panties. Pauline liked satin and lace thongs and infinitesimal pieces of fabric that did little to cover any part of her sex.   Kaila understood the differences in their undergarments, but preferred the extra material that covered all parts of her buttocks and pubic area, to something that pulled and tugged in all the wrong places. She slipped the underpants down the length of her slender hips until she too had stripped naked.  
    Somehow she had imagined the moment so different from how it was right then. Kaila hadn’t known that she had placed herself into the stream of sex and moaning that she had witnessed on her computer screen. Either way, she hadn’t until that very second understood that she actually had had predictions for how everything would unfold.
    “I like a girl who doesn’t trim away all the stuff that says she’s a woman, all that baby smooth shit makes you feel like you’re doing it with a kid,” Norm said.  
    Kaila detected that he was attempting to sound relaxed and calm but the waver in his voice said he was none of that.
    Kaila glanced down at her nakedness, letting her eyes graze over the fine strawberry blond hair that formed a v between her legs. She had never really paid much attention to her body, washing it, dressing it, feeding it and using it to take her where she wanted to go. Now she saw it as something other than a vessel, now it was something more, though what exactly that meant she wasn’t sure.  
    She felt Trillian drift forward again, attempting to take over her consciousness, like a familiar song that played in your head that made you feel like you understood everything around you. Trillian wanted to know how it all felt to be with a man, the sensations, the smells, and everything that went with it. Trillian wanted to snatch the experience away from Kaila.
    “I am Trillian,” Kaila said in a high-pitched voice that seemed amplified by the confines of the room.
    “Shit Kaila, lower your voice someone will hear,” Norm said, advancing on her. Kaila drew in a deep breath and took a few steps closer to Norm until she could feel his breath, hot against her skin. And she wanted to touch his bare flesh, feel the coarse hair that covered his lower stomach. She placed her hand lightly on his half-shrunken penis, stroking it gently as if she were petting a dog. Though she knew that the women in the porn shows did things much differently, she didn’t try to replicate their moves, and was happy instead to experiment.  
    Kaila felt Norm’s member respond to her fingers and his breathing sped up a little. It excited her that despite not knowing anything about sex she was in fact effecting a change in the workings of his body. Suddenly Norm clasped her breast in his hand and squeezed. Her whole body stiffened. The spiders that weren’t supposed to appear when she was going to have sex skittered up the soft skin of her breast.  
    Kaila slapped Norm’s hand away with more control than she felt capable of.
    “Hey, I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. I want to touch you Kaila, I want to make you feel good too.”  
    Norm’s voice came to her as though through a distant tunnel, tinny and meaningless. She tried to grab hold of the sound of it, allow it to pull her out of the dark swirl of fury that enveloped her whenever she was touched. She didn’t want to hit him, though her whole body was poised for just that.  
    “It’s okay Kaila, I’ll keep my hands to myself, c’mon touch me again, please.” Kaila heard the need in Norm’s voice. The sound of it was enough to tug her out of the darkness that had slipped in all around her. Then Norm was there again, standing in front of her, naked and uncertain, a look of regret painted on his face. Kaila didn’t want to have the spiders invade this special moment, didn’t want their legs to race over her flesh and make her want to flee from her own body. She willed them away, back to the