glasses so I could see.
Henry Emmitt: I’m OK; I got your message. I’m sorry I overreacted.
Farrah Leevar: S’OK. I’m sorry I had to bail.
We chatted well into the morning hours, sharing more secrets, yet I couldn’t tell him the most important one. I typed it out a few times but ended up deleting it. I wanted to share but fear held me back. I knew he wouldn’t want me as Lacey. I would never be good enough for him. If this was all I got, it would be enough, and when it was over, it would sustain me. It had to sustain me. Guys like Henry didn’t give girls like me the time of day. It had been that way for a long time. He was unachievable. If I were being honest with myself, the sooner I accepted that and moved on, the sooner I could find real happiness. I wondered if I’d ever find that. I hoped, but who could tell really? I couldn’t. All I had was hope.
I was dragging when Tasha met me at my locker like she usually did the next morning, but I wasn’t in the mood to be cheery. I still hadn’t told them about Chase.
“ Did you know Melanie Harris had liposuction over spring break?” Her eyes lit up with her gossip scoop. Because Tasha was on the cheer squad, she heard all the gossip first. She only ever shared it with Jade and me, but she enjoyed knowing before anyone else.
“ Why? It’s not like she needs it; she almost looks anorexic,” I said, exchanging books in my locker.
“ I don’t know. Emma said her mom made her get it. Could you imagine having a pageant mom like that?” As we walked toward our first classes, we saw Chase watching us as he leaned against the door to the stairwell. I slowed, and Tasha looked at me quizzically.
“ Go on; I’ll catch up.” She raised her eyebrow at me. “It’s OK. I’ll be right there.” She went on, and I watched her round the corner before I shuffled through the crowd to where he stood. I reached into my back pocket and produced the flash drive.
“ Here are your mixes. I’ll get to your website this afternoon, but I’m not sure I’ll have it finished by next week.” He took the flash drive and looked at me skeptically.
“ You mixed all eleven songs?”
“ Yeah, it was easy.” He still eyeballed me as he slid it into his front pocket. “YouTube, dude,” I said confidently.
“ YouTube?” he asked disgustedly.
“ Yeah?” I said, faltering a bit.
“ YouTube.” His eyebrows knit together, as his eyes burned a hole through my head, and I fidgeted. “You should go. You’re going to be late for your first class.” He was bored again, dismissing me. I turned and left. Feeling his focus still on my back, my face burned hotter with every step.
Finally at home, I collapsed face first into the couch. Lana came through the door shortly after me, and she stood at the back of the couch for a long moment. I looked up at her. She was wearing a hoodie, and her eyes were red. I threw my face back into the cushion.
“ What?” I asked, annoyed.
“ Nothing,” she said in a small voice.
“ Well, can I help you with something, or are you just going to stand there like a dork?” I teased, but when I looked up, hurt was all over her face.
“ I have a headache; do we have any Tylenol?”
“ In the linen closet,” I said, flopping again face first. She stood there for a few more minutes. “What?” I said into the cushion.
“ Nothing,” she repeated , and went to the kitchen. I groaned and wondered if my parents could ship her off while she went through this hormonal phase. She raided the fridge and retreated upstairs. A short while later, the doorbell rang.
“ LANA!” I called into the cushion. She opened her bedroom door.
“ YOU’RE DOWNSTAIRS; YOU GET IT!” she yelled and slammed her door.
“ Lana!” I called again, but I rose, admitting defeat. I cautiously approached the door. I’d seen all the horror movies with psychos
Henry Emmitt: I’m OK; I got your message. I’m sorry I overreacted.
Farrah Leevar: S’OK. I’m sorry I had to bail.
We chatted well into the morning hours, sharing more secrets, yet I couldn’t tell him the most important one. I typed it out a few times but ended up deleting it. I wanted to share but fear held me back. I knew he wouldn’t want me as Lacey. I would never be good enough for him. If this was all I got, it would be enough, and when it was over, it would sustain me. It had to sustain me. Guys like Henry didn’t give girls like me the time of day. It had been that way for a long time. He was unachievable. If I were being honest with myself, the sooner I accepted that and moved on, the sooner I could find real happiness. I wondered if I’d ever find that. I hoped, but who could tell really? I couldn’t. All I had was hope.
I was dragging when Tasha met me at my locker like she usually did the next morning, but I wasn’t in the mood to be cheery. I still hadn’t told them about Chase.
“ Did you know Melanie Harris had liposuction over spring break?” Her eyes lit up with her gossip scoop. Because Tasha was on the cheer squad, she heard all the gossip first. She only ever shared it with Jade and me, but she enjoyed knowing before anyone else.
“ Why? It’s not like she needs it; she almost looks anorexic,” I said, exchanging books in my locker.
“ I don’t know. Emma said her mom made her get it. Could you imagine having a pageant mom like that?” As we walked toward our first classes, we saw Chase watching us as he leaned against the door to the stairwell. I slowed, and Tasha looked at me quizzically.
“ Go on; I’ll catch up.” She raised her eyebrow at me. “It’s OK. I’ll be right there.” She went on, and I watched her round the corner before I shuffled through the crowd to where he stood. I reached into my back pocket and produced the flash drive.
“ Here are your mixes. I’ll get to your website this afternoon, but I’m not sure I’ll have it finished by next week.” He took the flash drive and looked at me skeptically.
“ You mixed all eleven songs?”
“ Yeah, it was easy.” He still eyeballed me as he slid it into his front pocket. “YouTube, dude,” I said confidently.
“ YouTube?” he asked disgustedly.
“ Yeah?” I said, faltering a bit.
“ YouTube.” His eyebrows knit together, as his eyes burned a hole through my head, and I fidgeted. “You should go. You’re going to be late for your first class.” He was bored again, dismissing me. I turned and left. Feeling his focus still on my back, my face burned hotter with every step.
Finally at home, I collapsed face first into the couch. Lana came through the door shortly after me, and she stood at the back of the couch for a long moment. I looked up at her. She was wearing a hoodie, and her eyes were red. I threw my face back into the cushion.
“ What?” I asked, annoyed.
“ Nothing,” she said in a small voice.
“ Well, can I help you with something, or are you just going to stand there like a dork?” I teased, but when I looked up, hurt was all over her face.
“ I have a headache; do we have any Tylenol?”
“ In the linen closet,” I said, flopping again face first. She stood there for a few more minutes. “What?” I said into the cushion.
“ Nothing,” she repeated , and went to the kitchen. I groaned and wondered if my parents could ship her off while she went through this hormonal phase. She raided the fridge and retreated upstairs. A short while later, the doorbell rang.
“ LANA!” I called into the cushion. She opened her bedroom door.
“ YOU’RE DOWNSTAIRS; YOU GET IT!” she yelled and slammed her door.
“ Lana!” I called again, but I rose, admitting defeat. I cautiously approached the door. I’d seen all the horror movies with psychos
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