Becoming Me by Melody Carlson Page A

fairly adult.
    So, the first weird thing that happened tonight, was that I actually had a drink. Okay, let me tell you why. I figure that if my dad can preach at me about how to live my life so perfectly and everything, and then he goes off and does—well whatever it is he’s doing—then why in the world should I listen to, or even respect, a single word he has to say? I mean, it’s not like I plan on going totally crazy and becoming some wild child—I know that would be incredibly stupid. I figure, what’s one drink going to hurt? Besides it didn’t even taste good!
    But here’s the second weird thing, and this one’s really got me wondering. When it was time to clear out(because Jenny’s parents were supposed to be getting back from their movie any minute), Josh offered to drop me off on his way home. Well, now that Josh and Jenny seem to be doing okay (and I try and repress any feelings—good or bad—that I have for him), I thought, sure, why not? Jenny didn’t seem to mind a bit, she mostly just wanted to get everyone out of there before her parents got back. So Josh drives me home. And we talk as he drives and suddenly I’m thinking, man, this is the guy I always thought he was. I mean, he sounds all smart and thoughtful, and I almost forget that he is actually going with Jenny.
    Then at my house, we’re sitting out in front talking about (I kid you not) world peace. And suddenly he leans over towards me, and I swear he’s about to kiss me! Well, I am so shocked that I pull away, jump right out of the Jeep, and dash into the house (real mature, I know). But Jenny is practically my best friend now, and we already had one big blowout that left me feeling pretty miserable, and now she’s being all understanding about my parents and everything. So, how could I do that to her?
    But, let me be truthful, as soon as I was in the house, I wanted to turn around and get back in the car, and take it right from where we left off. Of course, his little Jeep was completely out of sight by then. For which, I’m sure, I should be very thankful. But what in the world was that all about? And how do I act the next time I see him? And, of course, I can never tell Jenny. Now I’m starting to wonder if I didn’t just imagine the whole thing in thefirst place. I know I have (what Beanie used to call) a hyperactive imagination. And then how embarrassing would that be? I mean, for me just to leap out of his car without any explanation, and without even thanking him for bringing me home, and all he was going to do was open the door for me or something.
    But I don’t really think it was my imagination. He had a certain look on his face (at least I think he did). And now I’ll probably dream about him and that old crush thing will start up all over again. Oh brother!
Saturday, February 17 (clearing the air)
    My dad came home today. Apparently it wasn’t his first time to drop in. Mom told me that he’d already been by while we were away at school to pick up some clothes and things. According to Mom, he’s been staying with his friend, Brad Schielbert, at work. Although I wonder if he might actually be staying with Belinda (whoever she is—and for some reason, I keep imagining her as this flashy little brunette who wears way too much makeup).
    My dad wanted to sit down and talk to Ben and me about everything while he was here. Mom had already left the house by then; I think they had worked the whole thing out ahead of time. Anyway, I sat like a stone on the sofa while Dad explained that he had reached a difficult place in his life where he needed some time and space to figure some things out. (Yeah sure, I thought, you just need some time and space to be with your beloved Belinda, you big, old hypocrite! But I kept silent.)
    Ben asked some questions, and I could tell by his voice he was almost crying. Poor Ben, I think this is even going to be harder on him than it is on me—I mean, at least I only have a year and a half at