watch. “And he should be arriving at the house any time now.”
“What?” I grab Dad’s shirt. My stepbrother isn’t supposed to visit until next week.
“Yep. ” Dad laughs. “He wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Missi on accomplished,” I say, as the weight of the week lifts, just a bit.
#
“You look good, ” Michael says when he arrives. He missed our last two visits over the summer because he was touring colleges. My very public downfall in Illinois had been hard on Michael too. He was the one who had to live it with me every day, whether or not he wanted to. He was able to finish the school year, but he hasn’t been back since. And he hasn’t picked a new school yet. So, he’s behind. Just like me.
“You look so much better,” Michael says. Then he gives me a shove and laughs.
I try not to wince thinking about all the pain I caused him. Those memories find their way into this nice family scene and threaten to ruin my night. I vow not to worry about that in this moment, I’ll just enjoy my brother.
Brother.
It feels good to finally see him that way. Our relationship had always been on the rocky side, until we both started college…too soon after, I ruined everything.
We celebrate Michael’s visit to Minneapolis with Amy’s homemade lasagna. Michael wolfs it down, I don’t think he’s ever gotten used to my mom’s cooking—all organic, low fat, and fufu. He’s still living at home with Mom and Stephen until he decides on a school, so he takes full advantage of this treat. In between mouthfuls, he asks me about my classes and I can tell he scrutinizes each answer I give him, looking for any hidden meaning. He’s all covert, it’s pretty funny.
After dinner, I offer up my services to do the dishes with Amy. That way Michael will have the time to grill Dad like I know he wants to.
The guys casually walk back into the kitchen once the dishes are done and Michael seems satisfied with the information Dad gave him. It’s almost like he can sense my newly found peace. I feel his kid-gloves coming off when he grabs my sleeve and hauls me toward the door.
“Come out with me,” he says.
“Where?”
“Out.”
Not waiting for an answer, Michael pulls me into the night.
ELEVEN
We walk into Sasha’s on campus and it’s packed, filled with college kids who came to play darts, do shots, and let’s face it, hook up.
I can’t help but miss the crazy locals at Rye’s. And bingo. And playing bingo with Holden, before I knew he was Noah. I go all soft at the thought.
Michael orders two beers and we belly up to the bar. Nerves flutter in my stomach because I know he brought me here for a reason. Last year, on campus, my stepbrother became my one and only protector. He took so much shit for me. And then, during my stay at New Beginnings, he visited me all the time. And I was hardly good company—I was so drugged and depressed that my conversational skills were at a six-year-old level at best. It must be strange for him to finally have a real conversation with me. I feel like I owe it to him to answer any questions he may have.
“So, T-bear,” he says. “I want you to tell me how things are really going up here.”
“They are really going okay,” I tell him. I almost mean it. “You know, it couldn’t get any worse from what I was dealing with in Illinois.”
“Yeah.” He frowns. “I know.”
“My classes are good and nobody hassles me. Nobody knows who I am. It’s good.”
T he creases between Michael’s eyebrows deepen. “But that’s not good. People should know you. They should know who you are. Not the scandal or the photos, but you , Tab. You are worth knowing.”
“I think you’re in the minority there, big brother.” I laugh. “It’s better this way, trust me.”
“You know I’d do anything to take it all away.”
“I know.” I shake my head. “You did everything you could.” I bite the side of by cheek so the emotions don’t come spilling out.
“What?” I grab Dad’s shirt. My stepbrother isn’t supposed to visit until next week.
“Yep. ” Dad laughs. “He wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Missi on accomplished,” I say, as the weight of the week lifts, just a bit.
#
“You look good, ” Michael says when he arrives. He missed our last two visits over the summer because he was touring colleges. My very public downfall in Illinois had been hard on Michael too. He was the one who had to live it with me every day, whether or not he wanted to. He was able to finish the school year, but he hasn’t been back since. And he hasn’t picked a new school yet. So, he’s behind. Just like me.
“You look so much better,” Michael says. Then he gives me a shove and laughs.
I try not to wince thinking about all the pain I caused him. Those memories find their way into this nice family scene and threaten to ruin my night. I vow not to worry about that in this moment, I’ll just enjoy my brother.
Brother.
It feels good to finally see him that way. Our relationship had always been on the rocky side, until we both started college…too soon after, I ruined everything.
We celebrate Michael’s visit to Minneapolis with Amy’s homemade lasagna. Michael wolfs it down, I don’t think he’s ever gotten used to my mom’s cooking—all organic, low fat, and fufu. He’s still living at home with Mom and Stephen until he decides on a school, so he takes full advantage of this treat. In between mouthfuls, he asks me about my classes and I can tell he scrutinizes each answer I give him, looking for any hidden meaning. He’s all covert, it’s pretty funny.
After dinner, I offer up my services to do the dishes with Amy. That way Michael will have the time to grill Dad like I know he wants to.
The guys casually walk back into the kitchen once the dishes are done and Michael seems satisfied with the information Dad gave him. It’s almost like he can sense my newly found peace. I feel his kid-gloves coming off when he grabs my sleeve and hauls me toward the door.
“Come out with me,” he says.
“Where?”
“Out.”
Not waiting for an answer, Michael pulls me into the night.
ELEVEN
We walk into Sasha’s on campus and it’s packed, filled with college kids who came to play darts, do shots, and let’s face it, hook up.
I can’t help but miss the crazy locals at Rye’s. And bingo. And playing bingo with Holden, before I knew he was Noah. I go all soft at the thought.
Michael orders two beers and we belly up to the bar. Nerves flutter in my stomach because I know he brought me here for a reason. Last year, on campus, my stepbrother became my one and only protector. He took so much shit for me. And then, during my stay at New Beginnings, he visited me all the time. And I was hardly good company—I was so drugged and depressed that my conversational skills were at a six-year-old level at best. It must be strange for him to finally have a real conversation with me. I feel like I owe it to him to answer any questions he may have.
“So, T-bear,” he says. “I want you to tell me how things are really going up here.”
“They are really going okay,” I tell him. I almost mean it. “You know, it couldn’t get any worse from what I was dealing with in Illinois.”
“Yeah.” He frowns. “I know.”
“My classes are good and nobody hassles me. Nobody knows who I am. It’s good.”
T he creases between Michael’s eyebrows deepen. “But that’s not good. People should know you. They should know who you are. Not the scandal or the photos, but you , Tab. You are worth knowing.”
“I think you’re in the minority there, big brother.” I laugh. “It’s better this way, trust me.”
“You know I’d do anything to take it all away.”
“I know.” I shake my head. “You did everything you could.” I bite the side of by cheek so the emotions don’t come spilling out.
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