Behind Closed Doors by Ava Catori Page B

slippery slope of what would happen if I
admitted my true feelings.

Chapter 7
    After
Alex was released from the hospital, he came to see me. I didn’t
know whether to tell him what I thought, but before I had time, he
confessed he had something to tell me. Would he say the words I’d
been thinking – that maybe this was love after all. That as he
stood by my side, watching over me, he fell in love with me, only to
finally be able to share those feelings today now that I’m
single?
    I
braced myself, not sure what I’d say in return. If I admit my
feelings, there’s no going back.
    Only
he didn’t tell me he loved me. Instead, he told me he’d
done a lot of soul searching after his accident, realizing his life
could have ended. The couple that hit him was speeding, and the
damage was so much more than it should have been, and as his car
careened over, his life flashed before his eyes. He realized there
was something he had to do, and as he started to say the words,
everything changed.
    I
waited, thinking he was about to say those three little words, but
what came out instead floored me.
    “ I’m
going on a safari, and want to travel. I want to go to Alaska and
Africa, and I want to see the pyramids, and I want to scuba dive near
the Coral Reef in Australia. I’m not ready to settle into a
life of simplicity – not yet. I haven’t traveled in ages,
and I think it’s time.”
    I
didn’t know what to say. Certainly he would do those things a
little bit at a time, right, and stay here in the meantime. I waited
for him to fill in the details.
    He
paused, “You could go with me.”
    “ I
can’t, Alex,” but we both knew it was a polite
invitation, not one from his heart. “I have school.”
    When
the words came out that he was going to set a year aside and explore
the world, I saw what I thought was a possible relationship slipping
through my fingers. “What, an entire year? What about work,
money, life doesn’t just stop. Wow, how exciting, that’s
great.” I should have been encouraging him to chase his dreams,
but in doing so it would take him out of my life. I knew that in a
year’s time everything would change. It took every ounce of
focus to support his dream, realizing it would take him away.
    “ I
know, right? I’m really excited. The more I think about it, the
more I realize the time is now, and there’s no reason for me to
put this off. I’ve got plenty of money stashed away,
investments, the means to make it a reality. I can settle back into
life when I get back.”
    I
nodded, my thoughts frozen, my mouth unable to work anymore. I was
about to tell him I loved him, and he was about to leave. I had
nothing else to say. I finally squeaked out the words, “You’re
leaving?”
    “ I
guess I am,” he saw the look on my face. “Oh Elle, I’m
sorry. I figured you weren’t really ready for this relationship
anyway. I feel like I forced it on you, showing up again,” he
stammered.
    “ Right,
you’re right,” I faked. “I need to focus on school.
Law school is taking more of my time than I expected. The studying is
intense,” I said, trying to give him the out he desperately
needed. “When will you leave?”
    “ The
sooner the better,” he said.
    We
sat looking at one another, watching what might have been crumble
before us. Before it truly got started, it stopped again. Maybe it
wasn’t meant to be.
    I
politely sat with him and held back the tears that wanted to sneak
out, pasting a smile on my face as he told me where he wanted to
travel, and what he wanted to do. As the conversation wore down, I
walked him out to the rental car waiting in my driveway, and with a
simple sweet kiss, he said good-bye. We parted ways in that moment,
and I knew he wouldn’t be back. In a year’s time, our
feelings will have changed, and we’ll have grown apart. This
was truly good-bye.
    I
watched him pull out of my drive, and turned to go inside. The last
twenty-four hours had been one heck of a ride.