Behind Closed Doors by Ava Catori

flattered.” Changing the topic,
“Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to at
work?”
    The
conversation got back on track, and I’m not even sure what
spurred the earlier topic, but it left me warm and tingly inside. I
felt wanted, desired, though I did feel like it would be rushing
things to move on to those kinds of actions all ready. It was too
soon, and I certainly wasn’t ready. I did care about Alex, but
I needed things to move slower.
    At
the end of the night, as he leaned in to kiss me, it was with more
hunger and passion. His earlier words of desired filled my mind, and
as my lips parted to accept his tongue into my mouth, I sighed
lightly feeling him against me. The thought of his arms around me,
naked, under the covers, I found myself more aroused than I intended.
I couldn’t give that away – not tonight, or we’d
end up doing things I wasn’t ready to do.
    In
all honesty, it had been a long time since I’d been with a man.
Harry and I barely had intimacy the last few years of our marriage.
Once he’d taken to fooling around with other women, I wanted
nothing to do with him, and felt foolish for staying as long as I
did. I felt responsible though, like I was an important aspect of his
career, and it seemed selfish leaving. When I regained my
self-respect, leaving was the only thing left to do.
    I
wondered what it would be like to be with another man. Harry and I
spent countless hours making love early in our relationship, and then
as our marriage faded, I barely even thought about those kinds of
things. Now that my fires within were stirring again, I couldn’t
help but linger on the naughty, delicious thoughts that drifted
through my mind.
    Alex
was a strong and confident man, and I expected him to be the same way
in bed. I looked forward to when we’d share those kinds of
moments, but there was no rush. I wanted to be sure I was ready
before opening deeper feelings that would arise.
    I
promised myself I’d take it one date at a time, and make a
decision when it felt right. Alex promised not to pressure me, and
the more we discussed it, the more he understood why I needed to
wait. I needed to feel like we were both ready, and I just wasn’t.
    With
school and studying, my time was more limited, but we managed to
sneak in another date the following weekend. We went to a winery and
enjoyed some wine tasting. As he dropped me off, he escorted me to
the door. In the dim lighting, our lips and bodies pressed together.
Alex’s hands caressed my body through my clothing, and as his
mouth moved down to the curve of my neck, I felt a familiar warm
sensation unfold inside of me. It would be so easy, so simple to open
the door and invite him in to continue our sexual journey, but I
forced myself to wait a little longer.
    We
said our goodnights, and as he pulled the car out of my driveway, I
turned to go inside. Closing the door, I pressed my body to it and
lingered on the thoughts of his hands on my body.
    I
wanted to invite him inside, but I knew that was asking for trouble.
He was ready, and my body would have responded. It was better this
way. It was in that instant that I heard the loud crash. It sounded
close, way too close for comfort.
    I
ran out the door to look, and there in front of my driveway were two
mangled cars, one of them belonging to Alex. I screamed and ran,
digging into my pocket for my phone. Running up to the scene, I
called out for Alex, but he wasn’t moving. Dialing 9-1-1, I
called in the accident. Assessing the scene, I scrambled to the other
car. They seemed coherent. Running back to Alex’s car, I tugged
and tugged at the handle of his car door but it wouldn’t budge.
Panic ran through me, I felt vulnerable and helpless as he lay there
unable to respond.
    The
tears were hot down my face, and as the other people got out of their
car, they came to help me pull at the car door. It was useless. He
slowly started to stir, and I yelled out to him not to move, for fear
of him