kept himself fiercely occupied for the next three days. He played tennis and, if that didn't tire him physically, swam endless laps in the pool and even jogged every morning. He defeated his brother soundly at handball, all the while turning a deaf ear to Jason's innocent, persistent questions about Taylor. And at night, he buried himself in every literary potboiler he could lay his hands on until his tortured mind demanded sleep.
Jason said little about his brother's deliberately hectic vacation until the third night, when he came over to Trevor's apartment for pizza and a televised baseball game. The game was in the second inning when Trevor called to order the pizza, and when he hung up the phone, he saw that his brother was thumbing bemusedly through the latest potboiler.
Deadpan, Jason gazed at the lurid cover, then lifted shocked eyes to Trevor's face. "Your taste in literature's gone downhill these last few days," he remarked critically.
Ignoring this, Trevor said, "You start your vacation next week, don't you?" Jason worked as an electrical engineer with a large construction company.
"Yep. And, unlike you, I don't plan to fritter away my days off by exercising Until I can't move or reading lousy books until I can't think. I'm flying to Wyoming, where I plan to spend a leisurely week hiking and fishing."
Jason's tone had been perfectly bland, but it caused Trevor to feel suddenly sheepish. "Is that what I've been doing?" he murmured.
"Yes," his brother told him cordially.
Trevor shifted a bit uncomfortably on the couch. "Look, it's my vacation," he said defensively.
"Of course it is. And who am I to say you're driving yourself into an early grave? I'm only your little brother. You're older, after all. Presumably wiser. Presumably, you know what you're doing. Now, if you were to ask my opinion, I'd just have to wonder why it is that you seem to be working so damned hard to get through your vacation. It's almost as if you want to be too tired to think. As if you're afraid to let yourself think—"
"All right! I get the point."
But Jason wasn't finished. Coolly, he said, "It isn't like you, brother. You've never been one to avoid facing whatever's bothering you. Or whoever." He hesitated, then added bluntly, "You faced up to the fact that you and Kara should never have gotten engaged."
Trevor said nothing, only frowned at the television.
Jason sent a searching glance at his brother's closed face. "But maybe that was different," he ventured quietly. "Maybe it didn't bother you then because you didn't care enough. Maybe it bothers you now because you care too much. She's gotten under your skin, hasn't she?"
"Where'd you get your degree in psychology?" Trevor countered with taut sarcasm.
Even more quietly, Jason said, "I got it from watching the brother who raised me while he was putting himself through college and law school."
Trevor's frown vanished. After a moment, he glanced at Jason and said gruffly, "Sorry, Jase."
Jason grinned a little in response. "Well, it isn't really any of my business. But I can't help thinking that since I loused up your last serious relationship—"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
It was Jason's turn to be uncomfortable, but he met Trevor's suddenly grim eyes squarely. "Kara didn't make any secret of it at the time. She didn't want a sixteen-year-old kid living with her. And who could blame her?"
Trevor turned on the couch until he was facing his brother, no longer making any pretense of watching the ball game. "Jase, we didn't break up because of you."
"I was a part of the reason, though," Jason said steadily.
Because they'd always been honest with each other, Trevor hesitated only a second. "In a way. Because I wasn't about to let my brother go live with some distant relative. But that isn't why we broke up, Jase. It just made me realize I could never be happy living with Kara."
Jason nodded but said, "I—used to worry about that. Blame myself."
Reaching out to
Jason said little about his brother's deliberately hectic vacation until the third night, when he came over to Trevor's apartment for pizza and a televised baseball game. The game was in the second inning when Trevor called to order the pizza, and when he hung up the phone, he saw that his brother was thumbing bemusedly through the latest potboiler.
Deadpan, Jason gazed at the lurid cover, then lifted shocked eyes to Trevor's face. "Your taste in literature's gone downhill these last few days," he remarked critically.
Ignoring this, Trevor said, "You start your vacation next week, don't you?" Jason worked as an electrical engineer with a large construction company.
"Yep. And, unlike you, I don't plan to fritter away my days off by exercising Until I can't move or reading lousy books until I can't think. I'm flying to Wyoming, where I plan to spend a leisurely week hiking and fishing."
Jason's tone had been perfectly bland, but it caused Trevor to feel suddenly sheepish. "Is that what I've been doing?" he murmured.
"Yes," his brother told him cordially.
Trevor shifted a bit uncomfortably on the couch. "Look, it's my vacation," he said defensively.
"Of course it is. And who am I to say you're driving yourself into an early grave? I'm only your little brother. You're older, after all. Presumably wiser. Presumably, you know what you're doing. Now, if you were to ask my opinion, I'd just have to wonder why it is that you seem to be working so damned hard to get through your vacation. It's almost as if you want to be too tired to think. As if you're afraid to let yourself think—"
"All right! I get the point."
But Jason wasn't finished. Coolly, he said, "It isn't like you, brother. You've never been one to avoid facing whatever's bothering you. Or whoever." He hesitated, then added bluntly, "You faced up to the fact that you and Kara should never have gotten engaged."
Trevor said nothing, only frowned at the television.
Jason sent a searching glance at his brother's closed face. "But maybe that was different," he ventured quietly. "Maybe it didn't bother you then because you didn't care enough. Maybe it bothers you now because you care too much. She's gotten under your skin, hasn't she?"
"Where'd you get your degree in psychology?" Trevor countered with taut sarcasm.
Even more quietly, Jason said, "I got it from watching the brother who raised me while he was putting himself through college and law school."
Trevor's frown vanished. After a moment, he glanced at Jason and said gruffly, "Sorry, Jase."
Jason grinned a little in response. "Well, it isn't really any of my business. But I can't help thinking that since I loused up your last serious relationship—"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
It was Jason's turn to be uncomfortable, but he met Trevor's suddenly grim eyes squarely. "Kara didn't make any secret of it at the time. She didn't want a sixteen-year-old kid living with her. And who could blame her?"
Trevor turned on the couch until he was facing his brother, no longer making any pretense of watching the ball game. "Jase, we didn't break up because of you."
"I was a part of the reason, though," Jason said steadily.
Because they'd always been honest with each other, Trevor hesitated only a second. "In a way. Because I wasn't about to let my brother go live with some distant relative. But that isn't why we broke up, Jase. It just made me realize I could never be happy living with Kara."
Jason nodded but said, "I—used to worry about that. Blame myself."
Reaching out to
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