Betrayal by Lee Nichols

fell in love. For one night, can’t we pretend there are no wraiths and no deaths? I want to be a normal girl, who’s not worried about anything except if her boyfriend is going to kiss her everywhere she wants to be kissed.”
    He exhaled, and his warm breath caressed my fingers—then he pulled me into his lap. I felt his hands, rough and strong on my skin. He kissed my neck and my ear and whispered, “Yes.”
    I touched him, wanting to hold onto every inch of him, forever.
    â€œJust once.” He brushed his lips across my eyelids. “I love you.”
    And I closed my eyes, overcome by a wave of love and desire and the aching need to be everything for him.
    He lifted me into his arms and said, “Where else do you want to be kissed?”
    Later, as we lay entwined, he said, “It’s not that I don’t want to.” He ran a fingertip across my brow. “It’s just that once won’t be enough.”
    I looked into his bright blue eyes and cuddled closer. “This is perfect.”

5

    Bennett was gone when I woke the next morning. We’d fallen asleep together, and for the first time since my parents’ disappearance, I’d felt safe. Now I snuggled with the empty space where he’d been, trying to recapture the feeling.
    He knocked at the door as I finished dressing, and I found him in the hallway holding two steaming cups. He handed me one, and I smelled a red-eye chai. I smiled and rose on tiptoes to kiss him, but he brushed past me into the room.
    â€œThe train leaves in half an hour,” he said. “You ready?”
    My heart sank. The old Bennett was back, the cold, impenetrable Bennett who always tried to live up to his last name: Stern.
    â€œEverything’s changed,” I said. “Can we talk about what happened last night?”
    â€œThere’s nothing to say.”
    â€œWell, what’re we going to do?” We couldn’t go back to not touching each other.
    â€œWhat is there to do? You said it yourself, you fell in love with a ghostkeeper. That’s what I am.” He looked me in the eye. “That’s what I’ll always be.”
    I felt like he’d slapped me. If he planned to stay a ghostkeeper, that meant he couldn’t be with me. That meant he didn’t want to be with me—even after last night.
    I couldn’t deal with it. I didn’t know how to talk to him without getting more hurt, so I turned my back and breathed until I was sure I wouldn’t start crying. Then I focused on packing my suitcase. Bennett waited in the hall as my gaze swept the room one last time. It looked so ordinary, even though everything was different—at least for me. I saw the rumpled bedsheets and blinked away tears of humiliation and disappointment. How could I have thought everything was perfect when Bennett didn’t feel the same? My red-eye chai sat untouched on the dresser as I shut the door, and left that room behind me forever.
    We walked to the train station. I didn’t see the buildings around me. I didn’t see the cars in the street. I was blind and numb and empty.
    But deep inside, I felt a flicker of hope. I knew he was scared, but he couldn’t give me the silent treatment for the whole train trip. We’d talk, we’d figure this out. Even if we couldn’t be together right now, we could go back to the way things were before. Not touching, but still happy with each other. Still in love.
    Except when we got to the platform, he pulled out the ticket. One ticket.
    â€œWhere’s yours?” I said.
    â€œI’m not going back with you.”
    Blood rushed to my head. “What? Why not?”
    â€œI’m needed here.”
    â€œYou’re needed there . We need you. I need you.”
    â€œEmma, I can’t—don’t you see?” he said desperately. “Everything has changed. I can’t go back to not touching you. I can’t look at you