Beware the Ninja Weenies by David Lubar

five dukes, two peasants, and one wizard set out for the castle of King Harlis.
    Only the wizard arrived at his destination. All of the other suitors met with various sorts of accidents. Strangely enough, all of the accidents seemed to involve unpleasant encounters with some form of iron. The knights who were dressed in armor or chain mail had been squeezed or constricted in ways that are best left undescribed unless one has a fascination with the grinding of meat. The fates of the other travelers were no less unpleasant—especially those who stumbled into pits filled with iron spikes, or those who were struck by iron orbs that rained from the sky like merciless hailstones.
    â€œI come to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage,” the wizard said when he was led into the great hall of the castle to meet King Harlis.
    â€œOthers have perished facing the trials she places before them,” the king said. “For five springs now, suitors have come, and for four springs, they have failed to win her hand.”
    There was a hint of a smile on the king’s lips. Although he was, for the most part, a kind and gentle ruler, he enjoyed a bit of clever perishing on occasion—especially if the perishing happened during a beautiful spring day. His own rise to power hadn’t been achieved without a dash of excitement, a scattering of lost limbs, and a handful of severed heads.
    â€œOthers don’t have control over the elements of the earth,” the wizard said. “Behold.” He pointed to the floor. A large stone at his feet shimmered, then turned to iron. Next, he pointed to a lance mounted on the wall. With a shriek of metal against metal, the lance tied itself into a knot.
    â€œImpressive,” the king said. “You have my permission to seek my daughter’s hand.” Still smiling, he rose from his seat and left the great hall. His smile grew larger, and became a laugh before he reached his chambers.
    A moment later, Princess Lendina entered and took a seat. “You wish my hand in marriage?”
    The wizard bowed low. “I do. Your beauty surpasses even the most amazing tales that have spread across the kingdom. And you could not choose a better suitor to be your prince. I am the most powerful wizard in the land.” He made mystical, magical gestures in the direction of another weapon on the wall.
    â€œThere’s no need for demonstrations,” the princess said. “I can tell that you are powerful. But are you powerful enough? My prince must be able to protect me against all dangers.”
    â€œI am truly powerful enough,” he said.
    â€œWe’ll see. I will have you face one test that will challenge both your powers and your courage. If you pass, you may have my hand in marriage.” She rose from her seat. “It will take time to prepare the test. Come to the northern courtyard tomorrow at sunrise.”
    â€œI’ll be there,” the wizard said.
    The princess went to talk with the royal blacksmith, who knew all about bellows and fire, and with the royal tutor, who was well versed in all matters related to the elements of the earth. The blacksmith and the tutor went right to work, constructing the test. They also smiled frequently.
    At sunrise the next day, the princess waited at the courtyard. Extending in front of her was a walkway, forty paces long, lined with a brick wall on either side. The far end of the walkway contained a fire of small branches and twigs. With each pace, the branches grew larger and the fire grew hotter. After ten paces, the fire was fueled by logs. Ten paces beyond that, the fire was fed with coal. The last ten paces were also fed with coals. But in that stretch, men stood ready at a series of bellows that would pump air through holes in the wall, stoking the flames to even greater heat.
    The wizard approached. “I am ready for the challenge,” he said.
    â€œWalk along the path I have laid out,”