conversation, but Meg wasn’t willing to accept that. “As far as I can see, you have great relationships with both your mother and Rachel. You look out for them. In fact, you look out for just about everybody.” Except yourself , Meg wanted to add, but held back.
He finally looked at her. “What do you mean? I like to help people.”
Meg struggled to find the right words. “You know, when we first met, I had trouble figuring out whether you were helpful to me because you liked me , or because that’s the way you were with everybody. I’m not sure I’ve decided what the mix is, even now. And, I suppose more to the point, I know you were married once—heck, I’ve met your ex, remember?—but I don’t know why that didn’t work out. I mean, you’re great husband material. And of all the people I know, you should have kids. If we’re going to have any kind of long-term relationship, whatever it is, I’d like to know what went wrong.”
In the near-dark Seth sighed and sat back in his lumpy chair. “I told you, Nancy wanted bigger things than I did. She thought I was more ambitious than I turned out to be, and she wanted a different life, one beyond Granford. Is that a problem for you? That I like my life here? That I like the people here, and I’m happy to be able to be useful in some way?”
“No, Seth, that’s not what I’m saying,” Meg protested. “I admire you for it. But I guess the question is, where are you in the equation? Do you have what you want? Or are you so busy being big brother to the community that you lose sight of your own wants and needs?”
“Jesus, Meg, you sound like a therapist. And before you ask, yes, I have experience with therapy—Nancy and I tried it, back when things started falling apart. It didn’t really change either one of us. It just prolonged the breakup. Do we really need to talk about this?”
After a long moment Meg laughed. “You know what? I don’t think we do. Look, if there’s anything you ever want to tell me, I’ll listen, but I suppose I have no right to pry into your personal life.”
“I wouldn’t say that, Meg. But I just don’t think this is the time to get into it. All right?”
When will the right time be? she wondered. At least he’d left the door open a crack.
The fire was mesmerizing, and they sat for a time in silence. Meg was almost startled when Seth began to speak again.
“You asked about my father,” he began tentatively, talking more to the dark than to her.
“Yes,” she said, fearful of discouraging him. She waited.
“He died when I was in college. I was putting myself through Amherst with a combination of scholarships, loans, and whatever work I could scrounge, and Mom wanted me to finish. But I knew there wasn’t going to be enough money for Stephen and Rachel to go. So when Dad died, I finished my last year, then I came back to Granford and picked up where he had left off with the business. It wasn’t that I’d always hoped to be a plumber, but the family needed the money, and it’s steady work. I’d worked with him on and off, in high school and summers, so I knew what I was doing, although I had to get licensed. A couple of friends helped with the hands-on stuff in the beginning, and Mom kept the financial side going until I could come back.”
“How did he die?”
“Heart attack. He was just past fifty, but he’d been a smoker and a drinker most of his life, and he’d ignored his high blood pressure for years, no matter how much Mom pushed him about it. Which wasn’t much—she knew he wouldn’t listen, and she wanted to keep the peace.”
He stopped, and the seconds spun out until Meg wondered if that was all he was going to say. Then he began again. “Nancy and I got married right after graduation. She really wanted to believe that running the plumbing side of things was only temporary—that when Stephen and Rachel were set, I’d close the business down and go back to graduate
He finally looked at her. “What do you mean? I like to help people.”
Meg struggled to find the right words. “You know, when we first met, I had trouble figuring out whether you were helpful to me because you liked me , or because that’s the way you were with everybody. I’m not sure I’ve decided what the mix is, even now. And, I suppose more to the point, I know you were married once—heck, I’ve met your ex, remember?—but I don’t know why that didn’t work out. I mean, you’re great husband material. And of all the people I know, you should have kids. If we’re going to have any kind of long-term relationship, whatever it is, I’d like to know what went wrong.”
In the near-dark Seth sighed and sat back in his lumpy chair. “I told you, Nancy wanted bigger things than I did. She thought I was more ambitious than I turned out to be, and she wanted a different life, one beyond Granford. Is that a problem for you? That I like my life here? That I like the people here, and I’m happy to be able to be useful in some way?”
“No, Seth, that’s not what I’m saying,” Meg protested. “I admire you for it. But I guess the question is, where are you in the equation? Do you have what you want? Or are you so busy being big brother to the community that you lose sight of your own wants and needs?”
“Jesus, Meg, you sound like a therapist. And before you ask, yes, I have experience with therapy—Nancy and I tried it, back when things started falling apart. It didn’t really change either one of us. It just prolonged the breakup. Do we really need to talk about this?”
After a long moment Meg laughed. “You know what? I don’t think we do. Look, if there’s anything you ever want to tell me, I’ll listen, but I suppose I have no right to pry into your personal life.”
“I wouldn’t say that, Meg. But I just don’t think this is the time to get into it. All right?”
When will the right time be? she wondered. At least he’d left the door open a crack.
The fire was mesmerizing, and they sat for a time in silence. Meg was almost startled when Seth began to speak again.
“You asked about my father,” he began tentatively, talking more to the dark than to her.
“Yes,” she said, fearful of discouraging him. She waited.
“He died when I was in college. I was putting myself through Amherst with a combination of scholarships, loans, and whatever work I could scrounge, and Mom wanted me to finish. But I knew there wasn’t going to be enough money for Stephen and Rachel to go. So when Dad died, I finished my last year, then I came back to Granford and picked up where he had left off with the business. It wasn’t that I’d always hoped to be a plumber, but the family needed the money, and it’s steady work. I’d worked with him on and off, in high school and summers, so I knew what I was doing, although I had to get licensed. A couple of friends helped with the hands-on stuff in the beginning, and Mom kept the financial side going until I could come back.”
“How did he die?”
“Heart attack. He was just past fifty, but he’d been a smoker and a drinker most of his life, and he’d ignored his high blood pressure for years, no matter how much Mom pushed him about it. Which wasn’t much—she knew he wouldn’t listen, and she wanted to keep the peace.”
He stopped, and the seconds spun out until Meg wondered if that was all he was going to say. Then he began again. “Nancy and I got married right after graduation. She really wanted to believe that running the plumbing side of things was only temporary—that when Stephen and Rachel were set, I’d close the business down and go back to graduate
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