Alphanderry. I suddenly could not bear the iron tang of my meat, and I put down my knife and bowl.
'Ah, oh - oh, my poor, poor aching body!' Maram groaned. He moved stiffly to bring out lis brandy bottle, and he caught Master Juwain's eye. 'Surely sir, this is a night for prescribing a little restorative drink?'
'Surely it is not,' Master Juwain told him, taking the bottle and putting it away. 'At least, not that kind of drink. I shall make us all a tea that will soothe rather than numb us.'
So saying, he found some herbs in his medicine chest and brewed up a pot of tea. The hot drink, sweetened with honey, stole some of the hurt from our limbs. Upon sipping it, Daj and Estrella almost immediately lay down opon their furs. Liljana sat between them, stroking their hair and singing them to sleep. After a while her dulcet voice murmured out above the crackle of the fire as she said to me: 'We cannot travel tomorrow as we did today. They're children, Val.'
Because her words disturbed me, I stood up to walk by the stream. I paused beneath a huge old cottonwood tree as I looked out at our enemy's campfires. Across the stream Karimah had posted sentinels who would sit on their horses all night guarding us from attack. Kane found me there, staring at their dark, ghostly forms as I listened to the water gurgling over rounded rocks.
'You shouldn't be alone here,' he told me as he stood with his hand on the hilt of his sword. His eyes searched the grass for stalking lions, no less Zayak warriors.
'I shouldn't have brought Daj and Estrella with us,' I told him. 'All on such a narrow chance.'
'You know the need,' he growled out. 'You did the right thing.'
'Did I? Or have I only stolen from them the few days of peace they might have had before . . . before there is no peace, for anyone?'
'You take too much upon yourself.'
'No, too little,' I said. 'Daj is as tough as a diamond, but Estrella suffers. Inside, even more than out. I. . . cannot tell you. She sees too deeply inside of things. There are places she's terrified to go. And it's as if I am taking her into the worst of these places, back into a black tunnel that has no end.'
'Is it her suffering that grieves you or your own?'
'But there is no difference!' I said. 'Especially with her, it is one.'
'She is a radiant child,' he told me. 'I have seen many moments when her joy, too, became your own.'
'Even then,' I said, listening to the stream, 'it is like drinking too much wine too quickly.'
Kane stared up at the stars, and his voice grew strange and deep as he told me, 'The valarda is the gift of the One. You have yet to learn how to use it.'
'It is a curse!' I said, shaking my head. 'It is an affliction, like a pox upon the skin, like a rupture of the heart.'
At this, he grabbed my arm and shook me as a lion might a lamb. And he growled out, 'You might as well complain that life is a curse. And that light is an affliction because it carries into your eyes all the ugliness and evil of the world!'
'Yes,' I said, feeling the fire inside me. 'It must have been like that for Artukan when the kirax made him gouge out his own eyes.'
Now Kane squeezed my arm so hard I thought my bones might break. 'Tell that to Atara, why don't you? Let her hear you damn your eyes, and hers, and see what she will say!'
I pulled away from him, and looked past the cottonwood's dark fluttering leaves at the sky. I found the Seven Sisters and the Dragon and other twinkling constellations. The stars there were so bright, so beautiful. Which ones, I wondered, burned with the light of my father and my mother and all the rest , of my slaughtered family?
'You saw !' I said to Kane. 'In Tria, you stood and saw with your own eyes as I struck down Ravik with my "gift"!'
'So - so I did. The valarda is a double-edged sword, eh?'
It was bad enough that others' dreads and exaltations should flood into me. But why, I wondered, should my passions strike into them when I lost my head - especially my
'Ah, oh - oh, my poor, poor aching body!' Maram groaned. He moved stiffly to bring out lis brandy bottle, and he caught Master Juwain's eye. 'Surely sir, this is a night for prescribing a little restorative drink?'
'Surely it is not,' Master Juwain told him, taking the bottle and putting it away. 'At least, not that kind of drink. I shall make us all a tea that will soothe rather than numb us.'
So saying, he found some herbs in his medicine chest and brewed up a pot of tea. The hot drink, sweetened with honey, stole some of the hurt from our limbs. Upon sipping it, Daj and Estrella almost immediately lay down opon their furs. Liljana sat between them, stroking their hair and singing them to sleep. After a while her dulcet voice murmured out above the crackle of the fire as she said to me: 'We cannot travel tomorrow as we did today. They're children, Val.'
Because her words disturbed me, I stood up to walk by the stream. I paused beneath a huge old cottonwood tree as I looked out at our enemy's campfires. Across the stream Karimah had posted sentinels who would sit on their horses all night guarding us from attack. Kane found me there, staring at their dark, ghostly forms as I listened to the water gurgling over rounded rocks.
'You shouldn't be alone here,' he told me as he stood with his hand on the hilt of his sword. His eyes searched the grass for stalking lions, no less Zayak warriors.
'I shouldn't have brought Daj and Estrella with us,' I told him. 'All on such a narrow chance.'
'You know the need,' he growled out. 'You did the right thing.'
'Did I? Or have I only stolen from them the few days of peace they might have had before . . . before there is no peace, for anyone?'
'You take too much upon yourself.'
'No, too little,' I said. 'Daj is as tough as a diamond, but Estrella suffers. Inside, even more than out. I. . . cannot tell you. She sees too deeply inside of things. There are places she's terrified to go. And it's as if I am taking her into the worst of these places, back into a black tunnel that has no end.'
'Is it her suffering that grieves you or your own?'
'But there is no difference!' I said. 'Especially with her, it is one.'
'She is a radiant child,' he told me. 'I have seen many moments when her joy, too, became your own.'
'Even then,' I said, listening to the stream, 'it is like drinking too much wine too quickly.'
Kane stared up at the stars, and his voice grew strange and deep as he told me, 'The valarda is the gift of the One. You have yet to learn how to use it.'
'It is a curse!' I said, shaking my head. 'It is an affliction, like a pox upon the skin, like a rupture of the heart.'
At this, he grabbed my arm and shook me as a lion might a lamb. And he growled out, 'You might as well complain that life is a curse. And that light is an affliction because it carries into your eyes all the ugliness and evil of the world!'
'Yes,' I said, feeling the fire inside me. 'It must have been like that for Artukan when the kirax made him gouge out his own eyes.'
Now Kane squeezed my arm so hard I thought my bones might break. 'Tell that to Atara, why don't you? Let her hear you damn your eyes, and hers, and see what she will say!'
I pulled away from him, and looked past the cottonwood's dark fluttering leaves at the sky. I found the Seven Sisters and the Dragon and other twinkling constellations. The stars there were so bright, so beautiful. Which ones, I wondered, burned with the light of my father and my mother and all the rest , of my slaughtered family?
'You saw !' I said to Kane. 'In Tria, you stood and saw with your own eyes as I struck down Ravik with my "gift"!'
'So - so I did. The valarda is a double-edged sword, eh?'
It was bad enough that others' dreads and exaltations should flood into me. But why, I wondered, should my passions strike into them when I lost my head - especially my
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