too fuckin' disrespectful, Parade. I wonder if Miss Wayne," she says sarcastically, "talks to his mother like you talk to yours." She's still tripping over the name he asked us to call him when he was in the fourth grade.
"Ma, look how you talk to me. You or Daddy never say nothing nice to me. The only thing you say is how black and ugly I am, and he says nothing at all. I don't need to hear all that," I continue as I move toward the door.
Why couldn't I just leave without sayin' something to her? Now she'll be all on my case and probably carry 58
T. Styles
Black and Ugly
our business out into the hallway.
"I call you ugly 'cuz you are. And if you'd go out and get a job, you wouldn't have to worry about me being in your face."
Remember I said I knew I was ugly the moment she handed me a mirror? That's because she reminded me every day from that moment forward. But outside of her being five-foot-three, we look just alike. Maybe Grandma told her the same thing when she was growing up. I do remember her telling Daddy that Grandma did things like make her wear the same clothes three days in a row when she was in high school, and about the time she forbade her to take a bath for a whole week.
"Ma, every time I get a job I get fired 'cuz you keep callin' me tellin' me to come home and wash the dish-es or cook Daddy somethin' to eat. Them supervisors don't want to hear nothing 'bout me leaving work to fry my father some chicken. They have businesses to run."
"And there's something wrong with cooking dinner for your father? Wait till I tell him how you really feel.
See, he thinks I'm too rough on you. But wait until he hears that you don't like cookin' for him, that you're complainin' and shit."
"Ma, I didn't say that. I'm saying it's hard to keep a job when you do things like that. And the last time I said I couldn't leave work, you threatened to throw my things out."
"Don't try to get out of it now, Parade. If you feel T. Styles
59
Triple Crown Publications presents . . .
that way, that's how you feel. I'll be making sure he knows."
I know what she's doin'. She knows Daddy and me have a closer relationship than she and I have, even though it isn't perfect. The truth is, it's hard to have one with him since he is hardly ever here. He's a con-struction worker who gets up early in the morning and comes back late at night. I know he's home when I smell his feet. He's always had a terrible foot odor and used to leave his work boots directly outside of the door in the hallway. At first the neighbors complained about how funky it smelled out there, but eventually they got over it. However, when his boots were gone one day, he started leaving them in front of the door inside the apartment.
"You know what? Tell Daddy whatever you want, Ma. I'm outta here," I snap as I slam the door.
Once in the hallway, I rush out of the building so she can't see which one of my friends' houses I am headed toward. That's the only messed up part about living in the same complex as my friends. She knows where they live, especially Miss Wayne because he lives in the same building as me. So going to see him is definitely not an option.
I get outside and I see Melvin's car next to Daffany's building. His friend lives upstairs from her, so I figure he's over there checking him out, but I am not in the mood to see him right now either.
~~~~
I make it to Sky's building and I see Jay's car 60
T. Styles
Black and Ugly
parked out front. I should turn around, but in a way, I want to see him. He called my phone over six times when I was at the party last night, and I wonder if it's possible for him to actually miss me.
"Hey, Sky. We need to talk," I tell her as she opens the door.
"I know. Look, come in and go to my room. I'ma get rid of Jay in a minute."
I walk in and see him eating pancakes at the kitchen table. Her parents' car isn't out front but even if it was, they like Jay so much that he's there most of the time anyway. Unlike at
"Ma, look how you talk to me. You or Daddy never say nothing nice to me. The only thing you say is how black and ugly I am, and he says nothing at all. I don't need to hear all that," I continue as I move toward the door.
Why couldn't I just leave without sayin' something to her? Now she'll be all on my case and probably carry 58
T. Styles
Black and Ugly
our business out into the hallway.
"I call you ugly 'cuz you are. And if you'd go out and get a job, you wouldn't have to worry about me being in your face."
Remember I said I knew I was ugly the moment she handed me a mirror? That's because she reminded me every day from that moment forward. But outside of her being five-foot-three, we look just alike. Maybe Grandma told her the same thing when she was growing up. I do remember her telling Daddy that Grandma did things like make her wear the same clothes three days in a row when she was in high school, and about the time she forbade her to take a bath for a whole week.
"Ma, every time I get a job I get fired 'cuz you keep callin' me tellin' me to come home and wash the dish-es or cook Daddy somethin' to eat. Them supervisors don't want to hear nothing 'bout me leaving work to fry my father some chicken. They have businesses to run."
"And there's something wrong with cooking dinner for your father? Wait till I tell him how you really feel.
See, he thinks I'm too rough on you. But wait until he hears that you don't like cookin' for him, that you're complainin' and shit."
"Ma, I didn't say that. I'm saying it's hard to keep a job when you do things like that. And the last time I said I couldn't leave work, you threatened to throw my things out."
"Don't try to get out of it now, Parade. If you feel T. Styles
59
Triple Crown Publications presents . . .
that way, that's how you feel. I'll be making sure he knows."
I know what she's doin'. She knows Daddy and me have a closer relationship than she and I have, even though it isn't perfect. The truth is, it's hard to have one with him since he is hardly ever here. He's a con-struction worker who gets up early in the morning and comes back late at night. I know he's home when I smell his feet. He's always had a terrible foot odor and used to leave his work boots directly outside of the door in the hallway. At first the neighbors complained about how funky it smelled out there, but eventually they got over it. However, when his boots were gone one day, he started leaving them in front of the door inside the apartment.
"You know what? Tell Daddy whatever you want, Ma. I'm outta here," I snap as I slam the door.
Once in the hallway, I rush out of the building so she can't see which one of my friends' houses I am headed toward. That's the only messed up part about living in the same complex as my friends. She knows where they live, especially Miss Wayne because he lives in the same building as me. So going to see him is definitely not an option.
I get outside and I see Melvin's car next to Daffany's building. His friend lives upstairs from her, so I figure he's over there checking him out, but I am not in the mood to see him right now either.
~~~~
I make it to Sky's building and I see Jay's car 60
T. Styles
Black and Ugly
parked out front. I should turn around, but in a way, I want to see him. He called my phone over six times when I was at the party last night, and I wonder if it's possible for him to actually miss me.
"Hey, Sky. We need to talk," I tell her as she opens the door.
"I know. Look, come in and go to my room. I'ma get rid of Jay in a minute."
I walk in and see him eating pancakes at the kitchen table. Her parents' car isn't out front but even if it was, they like Jay so much that he's there most of the time anyway. Unlike at
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