Bloodsucking fiends by Christopher Moore Page A

between him and the sidewalk. To avoid the titty bar barkers, he had crossed the street eight times in the half block from City Lights Bookstore to Enrico's and he was a little jangled from dodging traffic. He ordered a cappuccino from a waiter who fawned over him like a mother hen, then stared in amazement when the waiter returned with a cup the size of a large soup bowl and a plate of brown crystalline cubes.
    "These are raw sugar cubes, honey. So much better for you than that white poison."
    Tommy picked up the soup spoon and reached for a sugar cube.
    "No, no, no," the waiter scolded. "We use our demitasse spoon for our cappuccino." He pointed to a tiny spoon that rested in the saucer.
    "Demitasse," Tommy repeated, feeling reckless. In Indiana the use of the word "demitasse" was tantamount to leaping out of the closet in scandalous flames. San Francisco was a great city! A great place to be a writer! And gay guys seemed like pretty nice people, once you got past their seeming obsession with Barbra Streisand music. Tommy smiled at the waiter. "Thanks, I may need a little help with the forks."
    "Is she special?" the waiter asked.
    "I think she's going to break my heart."
    "How exciting!" the waiter gushed. "Then we'll make you look marvelous. Just remember, use from the outside first on the forks. The big spoon is for winding pasta. Is this your first date?"
    Tommy nodded.
    "Then order the raviolis – bite-size – no muss, no fuss. You'll look good eating them. And order for her, the rosemary chicken with roasted bell peppers and wild mushrooms in cream sauce – a beautiful dish. Tastes horrid, but on a first date she won't eat it anyway. You don't have time to run home and change, do you?"
    The waiter looked at Tommy's flannel shirt as if it were a foul, dead animal.
    "No, this is all I have clean."
    "Oh well, it does have a certain Mr. Green Jeans charm, I guess."
    Tommy caught a flash of red hair out of the corner of his eye and looked up to see Jody walking into the cafe. The waiter followed his gaze.
    "Is that her?"
    "Yes," Tommy said, waving to catch her attention. She spotted him, smiled, and approached the table.
    Jody was dressed in a khaki skirt, a light-blue chambray blouse, light-blue leggings, and tan suede flats. She wore a woven leather belt, a green tartan scarf tied around her shoulders, silver earrings, bracelet, and necklace, and carried a suede backpack in place of her airline flight bag.
    The waiter, keeping his gaze fixed on Jody, bent and whispered in Tommy's ear, "The flannel is fine, honey. I haven't seen anyone that over-accessorized since Batman." He stood and pulled the chair out for Jody. "Hi, we've been waiting for you."
    Jody sat.
    "My name is Frederick," the waiter said with a slight bow. "I'll be serving you this evening." He pinched the fabric of Jody's scarf. "Lovely tartan, dear. Sets off your eyes. I'll be back with some menus."
    "Hi," Jody said to Tommy. "Have you been waiting long?"
    "A little while, I wasn't sure of the time. I brought you something." He reached under the table and pulled a book out of a City Lights bag. "It's an almanac. You said you needed one."
    "That's very sweet."
    Tommy looked down and mimed an "Aw, shucks, it was nothing."
    "So, do you live around here?" Jody asked.
    "I'm sort of looking for a place."
    "Really? Have you been in town long?"
    "Less than a week. I came here to write. The grocery store is just a… just a…"
    "Job," Jody finished for him.
    "Right, just a job. What do you do?"
    "I used to be a claims clerk at Transamerica. I'm looking for something else, now."
    Frederick appeared at the table and opened two menus in front of them. "If you don't mind me saying," he said, "you two are just darling together. There's a Raggedy-Ann-and-Andy energy going between you two that is simply electric."
    Frederick walked away.
    Jody eyed Tommy over the menu. "Have we just been insulted?"
    "I hear the rosemary chicken breast is wonderful," Tommy said.

Chapter